My DS is being bullied in middle school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son has a legal right to be in a safe environment, free of harassment.

http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/2296.html

Start with a call to his guidance counselor. Although the starting point is (I think) peer mediation (discussion among your son and the perps), if he is not open to this (and he has that right), then they need to find another solution.

My redhaired, geeky, small-for-his-age son was bullied last year and we worked with the guidance counselor to find solutions, including telling the perps that they had been observed doing what they were doing (not naming names of victim(s)), and that action would be taken. Teachers and staff kept them under close watch until the bullying subsided.

Don't let this get any farther.

I agree with everything except the peer mediation piece. If this was still only name calling or excluding him from sitting at their table at the cafeteria, I would agree. But there is now a physical component to it -- both against his things and against his person. Time is over for talking through this between the kids until after all adults who should be involved are engaged (this includes OP, school officials, and parents of the perps).

Oh, I agree - that's why I said that although (IME) that is the standard starting point, if you are not interested in that, then don't do peer mediation. My son thought that was the standard/required solution, and was NOT interested in it, so he kept mum for a few months on what was happening, until he couldn't take it any longer. If you and your child are clear that you do NOT want peer mediation, then make that clear to the guidance counselor, and other solutions will be pursued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was already posted on DCUM but please read this -

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/memoirs-of-bullied-kid.html

That essay by single dad laughing is sobering, but excellent. OP another piece that is making its way around the internet right now is here:

http://kateharding.info/2010/10/06/on-good-kids-and-total-fucking-assholes/

Please consider letting your child read them, and let your child know that the behavior of these other kids is totally wrong, and that you will remove your child and do whatever it takes to get him away from the situation if need be.

[Anonymous]

OP, see here for some ideas:

http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10360.aspx

Also see this excellent resource from Connecticut:

http://www.ctappleseed.org/communications/1008/bullying.pdf

I suggest writing a letter to the principal, cc to guidance counselor and cc also to the principal's immediate supervisor after your meeting with the school on Monday. Reiterate what was discussed at the meeting, and reiterate that you expect the bullying to stop, you expect your child to be protected from this bullying which is impeding his ability to learn.


Sample letters to the principal/guidance counsellor cc to administrative office:

Date:

To: (Principal and School)

Re:



To (Principal),

This letter is to immediately request that my son,_______, be afforded all the protections under state and federal law to protect him from physical harassment, discrimination, and verbal abuse. It is my understanding that he has a right to learn in a safe and harm-free educational environment.

I have read information at the following link and I understand what our rights are and what the school's duties are: http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/disabharassltr.html . It is also my understanding that school personnel have a duty to facilitate his protection and fully investigate all allegations of discrimination he and others report. I am now requesting that you protect my child from the various forms of physical and verbal abuse he has suffered at your school.

I am requesting that this protection begin immediately. Please place a copy of this letter in my child's educational records. I will assume you are taking the appropriate action from this date forward. If I am incorrect, I request you immediately notify me at the following address:

Advocate/Parent name

address

city, state, zip

phone #

I trust my child's protection to you; please do not let me down.

Sincerely,

(Parents)

[Anonymous]

There are also some good letters at the end of the Conn. document on bullying:

http://www.ctappleseed.org/communications/1008/bullying.pdf

[Anonymous]

Montgomery County Public Schools on bullying:

http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/info/bullying

MCPS bullying incident form:

http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/forms/230-35.shtm

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for the advice, links and support. All I can say is that I met with the school and almost all of the teachers (all of the relevant ones and more, but not yet all). We've scheduled a follow up for next week and we'll see how it goes. I am cautiously optimistic, maybe only because the reaction of the principal was swift and, best as I can tell, appropriate and included a plan for monitoring. And, all of this was done by 10 am, which was encouraging to know that it was taken seriously and given high priority. I guess we'll see.

[Anonymous]

OP, that is really, really good news. Just that the principal reacted swiftly and didn't seem to try to sweep anything under the rug. Congrats and I really hope that your son isn't treated this way again.

[Anonymous]

So happy the principal was responsive. Keep up the good work.

With all the headlines about gay bullying and suicide I hope that schools get more serious about being proactive, not just responsive.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39593311/ns/us_news-life/

[Anonymous]

That's a really good point, PP.

I was the poster who posted the MCPS bully-reporting form. As I was looking over the form for school personnel to fill out in response, I noticed the list of responses for the school official to check: steps taken -- detention, suspension, peer mediation and so on. It's great that at least they have a procedure to follow and to show they are making an attempt at taking bullying seriously -- but the only thing that will solve the problem is establishing a school culture that is not tolerant of bullying to begin with. Only that option wasn't listed as a possible response. There's punishment, but not so much prevention.

[Anonymous]

That is great news- have been thinking about your son this weekend and I hope the situation improves. He is luck to have a parent who is aware of the situation and advocating so forcefully for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he go to a different public school, OP, if the talks don't work out?

I'm glad you're being heard, OP.

I just wanted to say that my daughter in an MCPS middle school was being bullied so badly last year (mainly cyber/text) that I had to get the police involved. I tried to get her moved to a new school this year, and despite all the documentation and getting the principal to sign off on it, it was still denied by MCPS.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god. PP, why did they deny it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my god. PP, why did they deny it?

The perpetrators left the school over the summer. Of course, the school wouldn't tell me that citing some absurd confidentiality requirement, but my daughter found out. So I didn't appeal the request to change schools.

[Anonymous]

OP - what does your DH think?
he's a guy, so he has a better understanding of the workings of the middle-school-boy brain.

Drastic idea, but bullying is a serious matter that has life-long reprocusions (sp?) Have you considered homeschooling?

Does your DS do any sports? TKWNDO would improve his self-esteem and overall view of himself.

[Anonymous]

I was going to suggest getting the police involved if the physical assaults continue. It sounds like the school has taken action. I hope it's effective. Keep us posted, OP.