DS wants to live at home and commute to college - Not sure what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't this a kid who should be pursuing a trade and not going to college?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS who has severe ADHD and hates school, wants to live at home and commute. He is very social and I am trying to figure out if we should just have him go the Junior College route or find a school that allows commuters. I am worried that when all his friends leave for college that he is going to feel very isolated.

OP, if he is that social, he will make new friends. Yes, his current high school friends will move on.

But I'm not sure what the issue is here. Junior College is a fine option as is a local 4-year as a commuter. I would be more concerned with the "hates school" part. What does he want to do with his life?

+1. I'd be unconcerned with wanting to live at home, but signing up for two-four years of more school when you hate school is a risk. I'd focus on whether college is the right idea at all and what he wants to get out of it before worrying about housing.

[Anonymous]

He needs to go away to school and rush. He'll be forced into fast friendships through the structure and enforced togetherness of pledgeship. He'll also have a robust dating life and be at the front of the line for the most desirable sorority women on campus. Commuting from his high school bedroom is a recipe for a terrible college experience and ups the chances he'll drop out due a lack of connection to anything on campus, especially since, as you point out, he hates school to begin with. Tell him to live on campus and rush.

[Anonymous]

That sounds great! He is making a mature decision. There are many commuter clubs and social opportunities at colleges. I wouldn’t worry at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to go away to school and rush. He'll be forced into fast friendships through the structure and enforced togetherness of pledgeship. He'll also have a robust dating life and be at the front of the line for the most desirable sorority women on campus. Commuting from his high school bedroom is a recipe for a terrible college experience and ups the chances he'll drop out due a lack of connection to anything on campus, especially since, as you point out, he hates school to begin with. Tell him to live on campus and rush.

Just stop.

[Anonymous]

People in community college still have friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in community college still have friends.

From what I've seen, they often get dragged down by loser friends from high school who are still hanging around their hometown with no ambition beyond drinking, doing drugs, and chasing girls who are still in high school. I'm not saying it always happens, but it's a huge risk when your kid doesn't go away to college and find new playmates.

[Anonymous]

This type of living: going away to college is a very American thing. In many cultures kids stay home until they start their own family. Well into their 30's.
If your child wants to be home, what is wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there local schools? For example, my child could easily go to nvcc or Mason. Or even Marymount in Arlington.

If that is an option, I don’t see a problem. For cost purposes, you might want to do community/junior college.

OP, are you in VA? The VA system offers a great guaranteed admission program into four-year programs throughout the commonwealth. Do that or do as we did for our two ADHD kids - GMU or UVA (yes, one of our ADHD kids got into UVA) and use their disability services offices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to go away to school and rush. He'll be forced into fast friendships through the structure and enforced togetherness of pledgeship. He'll also have a robust dating life and be at the front of the line for the most desirable sorority women on campus. Commuting from his high school bedroom is a recipe for a terrible college experience and ups the chances he'll drop out due a lack of connection to anything on campus, especially since, as you point out, he hates school to begin with. Tell him to live on campus and rush.

Pushing greek on a kid like OP has is not just silly, but morally wrong.

Different kids are different. As described, that DC would be harmed by doing fraternity stuff, even if others might thrive with fraternity rush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This option is definitely cheaper. When I was in college, I know many people who did this. Even some who commuted from DC to Baltimore. And it worked for them. A guy I know saved enough money to buy his first home for his college sweetheart and their eventual family. Living on campus can be overwhelming and isolating, it isn't for everyone.

I have a junior in college who told me he wants to live at home next year. I’m secretly taking a huge sigh of relief. The cost of college has gone up so much since he started that next year would be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in community college still have friends.

From what I've seen, they often get dragged down by loser friends from high school who are still hanging around their hometown with no ambition beyond drinking, doing drugs, and chasing girls who are still in high school. I'm not saying it always happens, but it's a huge risk when your kid doesn't go away to college and find new playmates.

As a parent of a child who is in community college and another who graduated from community college, this has not been my experience. The older one made friends in CC that he still hangs out with today.

As a parent, I appreciate my boys taking this route. It is much less costly and they both had an easy time adjusting to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS who has severe ADHD and hates school, wants to live at home and commute. He is very social and I am trying to figure out if we should just have him go the Junior College route or find a school that allows commuters. I am worried that when all his friends leave for college that he is going to feel very isolated.

If living in NoVA, then GMU might be an option. GMU does require all students to live on campus 1st year, but he could come home on weekends and he would have nearby family as a support system. At GMU, all students are seeking a 4-year degree, which is a better environment if the goal is a 4-yr degree.

NVCC is the other nearby VA option. The demographics are very different. Many students at NVCC are just trying to get a technician-level certificate, not even an AS degree.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see the problem. If he’s very social, he’ll make new friends. He’s telling you what he needs. Listen.

[Anonymous]

If living in MD, depending on which county one lives in, then either Montgomery College or maybe UMBC would be options.

UMBC might require students to live on campus first year, not sure, but would be more similar to GMU than NVCC.

For a student with the profile in the original post, a nearby school clearly would be best. It is helpful that the students already sees this.