Medical Appointment - Setting Limits?

[Anonymous]

Yes. You need to set limits. Someone in their nineties does not need to go to a dermatologist for a mole check. A mom shouldn’t have to miss a dentists appointment of her own for this nonsense. You could literally make going to the doctors your full time job if you wanted to after a certain age. We are navigating this with elderly parents as well. If your elderly parent isn’t eating healthfully it’s possible you just let it go rather than scheduling multiple appointments with a nutritionist while you yourself eat a yogurt in the car on the way to her appointments.

[Anonymous]

Can you arrange other transportation and call in and make use of the portal and then be selective about which ones you attend in person?

I call into appointments for a non-elderly family member all the time. Actually they call me on their cell phone speaker phone when they get in the exam room or when the doctor comes in. I've met almost all the doctors in person at some point.

You can email doctors in the portal and/or send your parent with written questions and ask the doctor to respond on the paper. I have done this for someone with hearing loss.

You can also read visit summaries on the portal.

[Anonymous]

I agree 100%. My parents are 80/81 and going to doctor's appointments is their full time job. Luckily they can still take themselves but no way I could facilitate them all. I think it is absolutely appropriate to ask a doctor if a follow-up appointment it truly necessary or if you can come back in one year instead of 6 months etc or just come back as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um no. This is not the place to set boundaries. Just because you can't see a problem doesn't mean there isn't one. And just because they don't tell you doesn't mean they won't mention it to their doctor.

Thats fair. A better question would have been how to determine priority or what is worth it when a parents' medical schedule is taking over? You, your spouse and children have their own needs and if you aren't healthy everything crumbles. With travel time and whatnot, 1 appointment is an all day affair. Cant keep juggling between my household and theirs burning what little time off we have because a gp recommends a number of specialists who want to see them several times a year and for the past 2 years they have found nothing. Will they find something one day? Maybe, but in the meantime how are you all managing?

We realize that our parents are going to die sooner rather than later and relish the time we get to spend with them while they're (mostly) healthy and lucid. We go get milkshakes, we sit on a bench outside and chat, we reminisce, we lean into enjoying each other though it's interrupted by a dr appointment.

Shouldn't OP also be able to "relish" time spent with her spouse and growing children?

[Anonymous]

It's fine if you have POA and try to involve the parent and let them document that you declined. They have to protect themselves. Plenty of people love to scapegoat doctors and even sue. You cannot tell the doctor how to proceed, but you can certainly decline within reason.

[Anonymous]

I’m 51 with a number of health conditions and even I have to space crap out because I have my own job and kids. There is no way I could go to all this stuff for a parent as well. They can say no to certain specialists and they can simply space out appointments further apart. And if they won’t do that, then they can get an uber or call an old school taxi. You don’t have to sit through appointments where you are already 75% or more sure that nothing will be particularly wrong with them.

[Anonymous]

Same for parents of babies.

I found a pediatrician with Saturday hours. Maybe try hospital-based and urgent care associated doctors who might work atypical hours?

[Anonymous]

Can you give some examples? My DH is chronically ill but doesn’t see that many doctors. He does have to do regular (sometimes weekly bloodwork).

My mom goes through phases, and complains when her days are appointment heavy.

Are you able to ask the providers why they need to be seen monthly and what they are monitoring (vitals, blood pressure, bloodwork)? Some of that can just be done at home.

A friend’s mom had been going monthly to a nutritionist for over five years and 1) had no recommendation for a diet on file, and 2) had never done a food diary. So this woman just took her money monthly for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um no. This is not the place to set boundaries. Just because you can't see a problem doesn't mean there isn't one. And just because they don't tell you doesn't mean they won't mention it to their doctor.

What kind of a juvenile, disrespectful way is that for you to start a post on this thread? Work on yourself.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in this situation with my dad when he moved states and was establishing care. He hasn’t seen any drs for decades really, he was and is in good health for his age, he got the care he needed (one off issues) and has only one chronic condition which he sees a specialist regularly for, the rest I’ve put a damper on. Like, his bloodwork is fine, his heart is fine; his podiatry issues were resolved, why would I keep taking him to drs. Yes they all want follow up because they milk his insurance, duh!

So yes just monitor any issue your parent had and stop bringing them for useless follow ups!

[Anonymous]

In caring for my father, I asked two of the specialists we were seeing every 6 months (with no real issues after him being cancer free for five years) whether or not we needed to continue seeing them or if we could address any concerns within his regular oncologist appointment. Both agreed we could stop seeing them and just deal with the oncologist. It was exhausting for my father (and me since I have extensive medical issues to deal with myself), so in my experience, it paid off to ask. Wishing you well with your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um no. This is not the place to set boundaries. Just because you can't see a problem doesn't mean there isn't one. And just because they don't tell you doesn't mean they won't mention it to their doctor.

What kind of a juvenile, disrespectful way is that for you to start a post on this thread? Work on yourself.

A troll and/or someone who does not work.

[Anonymous]

Maybe talk to parents primary care doctor to help you come up with more reasonable follow up schedules.

It’s a reasonable question.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain, OP. I have taken my entire year’s leave in the last couple of months managing my parent’s medical appointments. We did a routine checkup, then got a specialist referral, then a referral for three tests and a procedure, which also had a pre-procedure appointment and a follow up. Then we had an annual follow up with another specialist, who referred for another test and procedure, which will need follow up testing and appointments.

We have two more referrals to other specialists for concerns, but I have to put them on the back burner and be at work for a few weeks if I want to keep my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain, OP. I have taken my entire year’s leave in the last couple of months managing my parent’s medical appointments. We did a routine checkup, then got a specialist referral, then a referral for three tests and a procedure, which also had a pre-procedure appointment and a follow up. Then we had an annual follow up with another specialist, who referred for another test and procedure, which will need follow up testing and appointments.

We have two more referrals to other specialists for concerns, but I have to put them on the back burner and be at work for a few weeks if I want to keep my job.

How old are these people and how is their quality of life? Do they really need all these appointments?