SN - to tell or not to tell?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are under no obligation to have a playdate if you feel the child will get himself into a dangerous situation, or will hurt a member of yourfamily, for any reason.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are talking about a situation in which the child might hurt himself or others then there is absolutely no excuse for not informing you! However, most of us are not usually in that situation. We are probably accustomed to awkwardness, embarrassment, social discomfort, etc... but not a real threat to someone's well being. If we had realized that you were talking about real danger, real predictable danger, then I think many of us would have answered differently. This is 9:16: I for one would have.

As for saying "something" but not "everything," not everyone can tell you two or three specifics that are going to prevent problems. 9:34's child sounds less complicated than many kids.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks again for your useful insight. Is it way out of line to ask an open ended question about the child? Without any information or tools, it looks like the friendship is compromised. I don't want the child to be at risk for injury in my house because of lack of information or lack of solution.

[Anonymous]

I understand that you have to protect everyone's privacy but it is hard to really understand your situation without knowing the details. I am not asking for them details, just saying that it is tough to give concrete advice. Not sure what you mean by "open ended" question... did you mean something like: Does your child have special needs? I think if I were in your position, I would tell the parents exactly what happened in as unjudgmental, compassionate a way as you can, but with absolute clarity. Then say: what can I do if this ever happens again? And more importantly, what could I do to prevent it? Is there something that triggers this reaction? Make it clear that you want the child to be happy and safe. If you show that you care about the child and about your friendship, I think that they wouldn't get overly defensive (unless they are prone to being defensive, which isn't your fault.) It is obvious to me that you are trying hard. You sound like a good friend.