How to structure a prenup to protect the lower earner to a reasonable extent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, it all depends on what the higher earner wants. Are they trying to say their earnings and investments during the marriage won’t be marital property? In that case the lower earner is screwed no matter what. If the higher earner is pushing this then lower earner needs to get a certain amount per year married/per kid. High earner is likely not going to accept low earner spending time on her career instead of his career and household so she needs to be compensated

+1000

ALso, the lower earner really needs to consider why they would want to be married/have kids with someone who cares so little about them. What do they get from being in this relationship? Because I don't see much but a self centered spouse

We both already have kids.

Alright, there you go. The higher earner is trying to protect their children’s inheritance. Most spouses - particularly men - just go along to get along, and their kids end up losing their entire inheritance to stepmom and her kids. As a breadwinning DW it is my biggest nightmare that I pass away early and everything I worked hard for ends up going to some golddigger’s brats.

Premarital assets are off limits, provided they are kept separate. You can claim some entitlement to the money grown on those assets during the marriage, but even then it’s hard to imagine why you’d feel entitled to that. It predated you and had nothing to do with whatever you contributed.

New assets are a different story. You should demand your share of those. Same with any assets you had coming in and any growth on those assets, provided they are kept separate.

If you insist on staying home and being kept, demand alimony and settlement/inheritance in an amount that will keep you sustained in the event of divorce or widowhood. Otherwise, you continue to work. If your spouse wants to treat you like the help they need to pay for it.

Also consider a life estate in a marital home in case spouse passes away first if you don’t co-own the property.

You should also come to some agreement about how expenses for your respective kids will be paid for. If spouse does not want to pay for your kids to go to the same fancy schools or the same fancy activities you should think twice about marriage. It’s just a recipe for resentment.

Kids aren't entitled to inhertance.

[Anonymous]

Getting something isn't the same as treating all the kids the same.
A former boss remarried to a younger woman with 3 kids under 12. He had 3 kids in their 20s. He set up an estate plan treating all the kids equally.
He got Alzheimer's, she put him in a care home, divorced him. He died and his kids got half and the other kids who left with mom got the other half. After taking care of him for 5 years.
Should have done a prenup,

[Anonymous]

lol at "how I structure a prenup to rip off my high earning spouse?".

You simply focus on your job and use your spouse's money to raise the children. Now you are protected.
Or is that not what you wanted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol at "how I structure a prenup to rip off my high earning spouse?".

You simply focus on your job and use your spouse's money to raise the children. Now you are protected.
Or is that not what you wanted?

It's interesting that you interpret "reasonable extent" that way. No wonder you come across as a misogynist.

[Anonymous]

So in this thread you’re the lower earner, OP, and in the other thread that you just posted you’re the lower earners “friend.”

Which are you for real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a question for the lawyer representing the lower earner, not a question for strangers on the internet who can say anything and proclaim to be anyone in any profession or situation.

how often can a low earner afford a lawyer in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting something isn't the same as treating all the kids the same.
A former boss remarried to a younger woman with 3 kids under 12. He had 3 kids in their 20s. He set up an estate plan treating all the kids equally.
He got Alzheimer's, she put him in a care home, divorced him. He died and his kids got half and the other kids who left with mom got the other half. After taking care of him for 5 years.
Should have done a prenup,

her three kids should not have gotten anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, it all depends on what the higher earner wants. Are they trying to say their earnings and investments during the marriage won’t be marital property? In that case the lower earner is screwed no matter what. If the higher earner is pushing this then lower earner needs to get a certain amount per year married/per kid. High earner is likely not going to accept low earner spending time on her career instead of his career and household so she needs to be compensated

+1000

ALso, the lower earner really needs to consider why they would want to be married/have kids with someone who cares so little about them. What do they get from being in this relationship? Because I don't see much but a self centered spouse

This

She thought she could dig gold

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, it all depends on what the higher earner wants. Are they trying to say their earnings and investments during the marriage won’t be marital property? In that case the lower earner is screwed no matter what. If the higher earner is pushing this then lower earner needs to get a certain amount per year married/per kid. High earner is likely not going to accept low earner spending time on her career instead of his career and household so she needs to be compensated

+1000

ALso, the lower earner really needs to consider why they would want to be married/have kids with someone who cares so little about them. What do they get from being in this relationship? Because I don't see much but a self centered spouse

This

Well, the low earner really needs to consider why they need somebody else else’s money so much instead of their heart and soul.

And once you stop giving your heart and soul to somebody, why would they give you their money?

And if your true love dies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, it all depends on what the higher earner wants. Are they trying to say their earnings and investments during the marriage won’t be marital property? In that case the lower earner is screwed no matter what. If the higher earner is pushing this then lower earner needs to get a certain amount per year married/per kid. High earner is likely not going to accept low earner spending time on her career instead of his career and household so she needs to be compensated

+1000

ALso, the lower earner really needs to consider why they would want to be married/have kids with someone who cares so little about them. What do they get from being in this relationship? Because I don't see much but a self centered spouse

We both already have kids.

Alright, there you go. The higher earner is trying to protect their children’s inheritance. Most spouses - particularly men - just go along to get along, and their kids end up losing their entire inheritance to stepmom and her kids. As a breadwinning DW it is my biggest nightmare that I pass away early and everything I worked hard for ends up going to some golddigger’s brats.

Premarital assets are off limits, provided they are kept separate. You can claim some entitlement to the money grown on those assets during the marriage, but even then it’s hard to imagine why you’d feel entitled to that. It predated you and had nothing to do with whatever you contributed.

New assets are a different story. You should demand your share of those. Same with any assets you had coming in and any growth on those assets, provided they are kept separate.

If you insist on staying home and being kept, demand alimony and settlement/inheritance in an amount that will keep you sustained in the event of divorce or widowhood. Otherwise, you continue to work. If your spouse wants to treat you like the help they need to pay for it.

Also consider a life estate in a marital home in case spouse passes away first if you don’t co-own the property.

You should also come to some agreement about how expenses for your respective kids will be paid for. If spouse does not want to pay for your kids to go to the same fancy schools or the same fancy activities you should think twice about marriage. It’s just a recipe for resentment.

You don't want a life estate in the marital home - then you're stuck in an ongoing relationship with stepkids after your spouse's death. They probably already hate you, even if they haven't said it out loud. I wouldn't want to live in a home I didn't own as joint tenants with rights of survivorship. If you get married, get a new house together that feels like home. The house shouldn't matter if this guy is super rich.

Figure out college costs - if your kids would qualify for aid if you stay single, then you stay single or he agrees to pay for their college. It should be a binding claim against his estate if he dies.

So many things in this situation are likely to breed resentment. Is this marriage really worth it?

Or if your children are older and you are not tied to the area for work you could buy a vacation property or pied a terre that could become your property in the event of death or divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP - how old are the kids? Do you intend to have children together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, it all depends on what the higher earner wants. Are they trying to say their earnings and investments during the marriage won’t be marital property? In that case the lower earner is screwed no matter what. If the higher earner is pushing this then lower earner needs to get a certain amount per year married/per kid. High earner is likely not going to accept low earner spending time on her career instead of his career and household so she needs to be compensated

+1000

ALso, the lower earner really needs to consider why they would want to be married/have kids with someone who cares so little about them. What do they get from being in this relationship? Because I don't see much but a self centered spouse

This

Well, the low earner really needs to consider why they need somebody else else’s money so much instead of their heart and soul.

And once you stop giving your heart and soul to somebody, why would they give you their money?

And if your true love dies?

That’s the thing if true love dies the lower earner no longer gets money from the person they vowed to love forever. Why would you still get their money? You’re not loving them, you’re not supporting them, you’re not having sex with them… what is the point in getting money from them?

Maybe you should put in your prenup that you still get money, but you still sleep with them. How’s that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a question for the lawyer representing the lower earner, not a question for strangers on the internet who can say anything and proclaim to be anyone in any profession or situation.

how often can a low earner afford a lawyer in this situation?

Always. If the spouse wants to get married and wants to have a pre-nup it is ethically responsible to pay for your potential partner to have their own lawyer for their side of the pre-nup negotiations.

[Anonymous]

I could be wrong but my understanding is that what he earns during the marriage will be considered marital assets so you’ll get half of the savings from that in the divorce. If the prenup is asking you to waive that, I’d think about it carefully and think about — what are you giving up? Will you be giving up career opportunities to be the in this rrlationship? What is he gaining—is he able to avoid hiring a nanny or house manager because of the work you’ll rprobjde?
If it were me, I would not be interested in gojng after any of his premarital assets unless there was some particular reason why. But what he wants/saves during the course of the marriage is a different matter. Otherwise there are all sorts f weird incentives about savings/spendjng.

[Anonymous]

Tell is how your draft prenup is structured. What is the high earner currently offering?