Anyone else have what I can only call work trauma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP. I wish your experience were more rare but it's not. Especially as a smart woman.

This.

-in the same boat.

Ditto

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and just got laid off last week. I have worked for the better part of the last 26 years, and I am exhausted. I did blue collar work until my early thirties, when I got my degrees, and have been in the professional work force for the last five years.

I have been lied to, lied about, been caught in the political crosshairs of the office environment, bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned, pushed out, sidelined, etc. I was so on guard leaving my previous role for this new one, but this last job was probably the worst in terms of a lack of “psychological safety”: I was micromanaged, asked to send copies of emails for editing/review before sending out, spoken to like a naughty child when I didn’t read the minds of the managers I was supporting etc. The client loved me but my immediate peers/managers were passive-aggressive and the opposite of supportive.

ATP corporate America just seems like an exploitive toxic sludge and I feel panic when I think about taking on a new role. I never seem to be able to align with the right people and end up scapegoated. I’m sure there’s some blind spots but generally I’m very well-liked, it just seems that I’m an easy target for the workplace bully/ies and I am afraid of being in any kind of situation like that again.

Has anyone else been in this position? I have an MBA and want to work - I actually like working, even outside of the income perspective - but I am just so gun-shy. I feel like I’ll never find a place that’s honest and transparent and generally positive. Is it me? Is it them? Is this just the nature of work in America?

Honestly, this sounds like a mix of real grievances and petty ones. You've been in the white-collar world for only a few years, and being asked to have emails reviewed before being sent out for typos and errors is NOT on the same level as being sexually harassed. If everything to you amounts to trauma, you'll come across as a lightweight. No one deserves to be harassed, but any newbie should be glad that their communications are being reviewed prior to being sent out to clients.
Are you someone who is easily overwhelmed?

If my only grievance were the email issue, I wouldn’t feel this way. It’s the broader picture of being treated disrespectfully, like I’m “less than,” like I have to prove myself in fundamental ways continuously, and just the general eggshells I’ve been walking on when people are passive-aggressive but can’t or won’t directly address their issues nor clearly outline their expectations. Mind games, power plays, etc - it all makes me feel sick to my stomach.

This is annoying, for sure, and discouraging and probably a bad fit, but does not amount to trauma. Put on your big girl undies and move on.

+1. No one should be sexually harassed but people need to be less thin skinned about co-workers criticizing them or giving feedback. I have a professional degree from literally the top school in my field. Certainly in my first years at my employer people were reviewing my emails regularly. You don't necessarily know the tone or the culture of the organization or a particular audience. Be glad of the help, or at least don't be so offended by it.
I see this all the time where people just get offended or feel undermined so easily. Assume good intent, or at least don't take things so personally, and life will be much easier.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this experience is pretty common. And some housewife on urbanmom will call you under qualified. But the good news is your career will move on regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and just got laid off last week. I have worked for the better part of the last 26 years, and I am exhausted. I did blue collar work until my early thirties, when I got my degrees, and have been in the professional work force for the last five years.

I have been lied to, lied about, been caught in the political crosshairs of the office environment, bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned, pushed out, sidelined, etc. I was so on guard leaving my previous role for this new one, but this last job was probably the worst in terms of a lack of “psychological safety”: I was micromanaged, asked to send copies of emails for editing/review before sending out, spoken to like a naughty child when I didn’t read the minds of the managers I was supporting etc. The client loved me but my immediate peers/managers were passive-aggressive and the opposite of supportive.

ATP corporate America just seems like an exploitive toxic sludge and I feel panic when I think about taking on a new role. I never seem to be able to align with the right people and end up scapegoated. I’m sure there’s some blind spots but generally I’m very well-liked, it just seems that I’m an easy target for the workplace bully/ies and I am afraid of being in any kind of situation like that again.

Has anyone else been in this position? I have an MBA and want to work - I actually like working, even outside of the income perspective - but I am just so gun-shy. I feel like I’ll never find a place that’s honest and transparent and generally positive. Is it me? Is it them? Is this just the nature of work in America?

Honestly, this sounds like a mix of real grievances and petty ones. You've been in the white-collar world for only a few years, and being asked to have emails reviewed before being sent out for typos and errors is NOT on the same level as being sexually harassed. If everything to you amounts to trauma, you'll come across as a lightweight. No one deserves to be harassed, but any newbie should be glad that their communications are being reviewed prior to being sent out to clients.
Are you someone who is easily overwhelmed?

If my only grievance were the email issue, I wouldn’t feel this way. It’s the broader picture of being treated disrespectfully, like I’m “less than,” like I have to prove myself in fundamental ways continuously, and just the general eggshells I’ve been walking on when people are passive-aggressive but can’t or won’t directly address their issues nor clearly outline their expectations. Mind games, power plays, etc - it all makes me feel sick to my stomach.

This is annoying, for sure, and discouraging and probably a bad fit, but does not amount to trauma. Put on your big girl undies and move on.

+1. No one should be sexually harassed but people need to be less thin skinned about co-workers criticizing them or giving feedback. I have a professional degree from literally the top school in my field. Certainly in my first years at my employer people were reviewing my emails regularly. You don't necessarily know the tone or the culture of the organization or a particular audience. Be glad of the help, or at least don't be so offended by it.
I see this all the time where people just get offended or feel undermined so easily. Assume good intent, or at least don't take things so personally, and life will be much easier.

But OP isn't in the beginning of her career, that's the point. Years of being undermined and micromanaged chip away at your soul.

[Anonymous]

I have only had 3 head of bad workplace stuff because I had a terrible new manager and he was fired eventually. I'm a woman and it's generally been pretty chill at my workplace. We have a new employee also a woman and drama started as soon as she showed up. She's telling her manager (my colleague) how she should be doing her job and what he should be doing as part of his job supervising her (we are talking technical stuff) and being extremely picky about every word everyone uses. It's not good for anyone and what has been a fine workplace has turned stressful for people who have been here before she showed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts makes me realize that the abuse heaped on SAHM comes from really traumatized working women.

Or their big ego husbands. Working women don’t hang out at their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and just got laid off last week. I have worked for the better part of the last 26 years, and I am exhausted. I did blue collar work until my early thirties, when I got my degrees, and have been in the professional work force for the last five years.

I have been lied to, lied about, been caught in the political crosshairs of the office environment, bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned, pushed out, sidelined, etc. I was so on guard leaving my previous role for this new one, but this last job was probably the worst in terms of a lack of “psychological safety”: I was micromanaged, asked to send copies of emails for editing/review before sending out, spoken to like a naughty child when I didn’t read the minds of the managers I was supporting etc. The client loved me but my immediate peers/managers were passive-aggressive and the opposite of supportive.

ATP corporate America just seems like an exploitive toxic sludge and I feel panic when I think about taking on a new role. I never seem to be able to align with the right people and end up scapegoated. I’m sure there’s some blind spots but generally I’m very well-liked, it just seems that I’m an easy target for the workplace bully/ies and I am afraid of being in any kind of situation like that again.

Has anyone else been in this position? I have an MBA and want to work - I actually like working, even outside of the income perspective - but I am just so gun-shy. I feel like I’ll never find a place that’s honest and transparent and generally positive. Is it me? Is it them? Is this just the nature of work in America?

I can relate to this so much. I am 41 and burnt out. I try to care about my work and doing a good job, but I just can't.

39 and I too am so burnt out. I would say that I have work trauma. Certain things play in my head over and over. Like the time a male coworker that I'd never met filed an EEO against me (I denied his project funding, but that was a program decision and nothing to do with him personally). I thought it was a joke, but nope, work took it seriously and investigated it for months. I am such a conscientious person, so it really bothered me that someone could say I was discriminating against them and getting away with it. We're both white so I'm not even sure what I could discriminate against him for. Or the time my new manager denied all of my leave just for fun. Work said she had the right to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and just got laid off last week. I have worked for the better part of the last 26 years, and I am exhausted. I did blue collar work until my early thirties, when I got my degrees, and have been in the professional work force for the last five years.

I have been lied to, lied about, been caught in the political crosshairs of the office environment, bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned, pushed out, sidelined, etc. I was so on guard leaving my previous role for this new one, but this last job was probably the worst in terms of a lack of “psychological safety”: I was micromanaged, asked to send copies of emails for editing/review before sending out, spoken to like a naughty child when I didn’t read the minds of the managers I was supporting etc. The client loved me but my immediate peers/managers were passive-aggressive and the opposite of supportive.

ATP corporate America just seems like an exploitive toxic sludge and I feel panic when I think about taking on a new role. I never seem to be able to align with the right people and end up scapegoated. I’m sure there’s some blind spots but generally I’m very well-liked, it just seems that I’m an easy target for the workplace bully/ies and I am afraid of being in any kind of situation like that again.

Has anyone else been in this position? I have an MBA and want to work - I actually like working, even outside of the income perspective - but I am just so gun-shy. I feel like I’ll never find a place that’s honest and transparent and generally positive. Is it me? Is it them? Is this just the nature of work in America?

Honestly, this sounds like a mix of real grievances and petty ones. You've been in the white-collar world for only a few years, and being asked to have emails reviewed before being sent out for typos and errors is NOT on the same level as being sexually harassed. If everything to you amounts to trauma, you'll come across as a lightweight. No one deserves to be harassed, but any newbie should be glad that their communications are being reviewed prior to being sent out to clients.
Are you someone who is easily overwhelmed?

If my only grievance were the email issue, I wouldn’t feel this way. It’s the broader picture of being treated disrespectfully, like I’m “less than,” like I have to prove myself in fundamental ways continuously, and just the general eggshells I’ve been walking on when people are passive-aggressive but can’t or won’t directly address their issues nor clearly outline their expectations. Mind games, power plays, etc - it all makes me feel sick to my stomach.

This is annoying, for sure, and discouraging and probably a bad fit, but does not amount to trauma. Put on your big girl undies and move on.

+1. No one should be sexually harassed but people need to be less thin skinned about co-workers criticizing them or giving feedback. I have a professional degree from literally the top school in my field. Certainly in my first years at my employer people were reviewing my emails regularly. You don't necessarily know the tone or the culture of the organization or a particular audience. Be glad of the help, or at least don't be so offended by it.
I see this all the time where people just get offended or feel undermined so easily. Assume good intent, or at least don't take things so personally, and life will be much easier.

But OP isn't in the beginning of her career, that's the point. Years of being undermined and micromanaged chip away at your soul.

OP has been in her career for only five years. (She had been working in blue collar jobs for years before that.) In my field, a person who has been at the job for five years is considered junior. Mid-career kicks in around year 8. I've been in my career for 20 years now and barely consider myself senior.

[Anonymous]

If this is happening at every job OP has, well, that’s interesting.

[Anonymous]

I'm a bit older than OP- about 30 years in. I have had a variety of absolutely wonderful experiences and a few that were just nuts that really stand out. More recently (say 22 years into my solid career) I had a woman "manager" who didn't want me to talk on phone calls. I was the SME with the advanced degrees and she was threatened. It's little things like that that can chip away.

I think maybe this could happen to a man as well, but he might brush it off. In any case, I brushed it off, continued to do what I was hired for, and we both got moved out of each others' orbits.

On the flip side, I was very vocal in a meeting to a (male) PM that we were not able to move forward because he was not bringing the right players to the meetings. There was nobody who understood the issues AND could make decisions. I was very matter-of-fact about it, because it was...fact. He got very defensive and told me to stop yelling at him. That was very eye-rolling and I would feel exactly the same way if genders were reversed.

[Anonymous]

It's not an uncommon experience. You can really reduce being targeted, though, through some behavioral shifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and just got laid off last week. I have worked for the better part of the last 26 years, and I am exhausted. I did blue collar work until my early thirties, when I got my degrees, and have been in the professional work force for the last five years.

I have been lied to, lied about, been caught in the political crosshairs of the office environment, bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned, pushed out, sidelined, etc. I was so on guard leaving my previous role for this new one, but this last job was probably the worst in terms of a lack of “psychological safety”: I was micromanaged, asked to send copies of emails for editing/review before sending out, spoken to like a naughty child when I didn’t read the minds of the managers I was supporting etc. The client loved me but my immediate peers/managers were passive-aggressive and the opposite of supportive.

ATP corporate America just seems like an exploitive toxic sludge and I feel panic when I think about taking on a new role. I never seem to be able to align with the right people and end up scapegoated. I’m sure there’s some blind spots but generally I’m very well-liked, it just seems that I’m an easy target for the workplace bully/ies and I am afraid of being in any kind of situation like that again.

Has anyone else been in this position? I have an MBA and want to work - I actually like working, even outside of the income perspective - but I am just so gun-shy. I feel like I’ll never find a place that’s honest and transparent and generally positive. Is it me? Is it them? Is this just the nature of work in America?

Honestly, this sounds like a mix of real grievances and petty ones. You've been in the white-collar world for only a few years, and being asked to have emails reviewed before being sent out for typos and errors is NOT on the same level as being sexually harassed. If everything to you amounts to trauma, you'll come across as a lightweight. No one deserves to be harassed, but any newbie should be glad that their communications are being reviewed prior to being sent out to clients.
Are you someone who is easily overwhelmed?

If my only grievance were the email issue, I wouldn’t feel this way. It’s the broader picture of being treated disrespectfully, like I’m “less than,” like I have to prove myself in fundamental ways continuously, and just the general eggshells I’ve been walking on when people are passive-aggressive but can’t or won’t directly address their issues nor clearly outline their expectations. Mind games, power plays, etc - it all makes me feel sick to my stomach.

This is annoying, for sure, and discouraging and probably a bad fit, but does not amount to trauma. Put on your big girl undies and move on.

+1. No one should be sexually harassed but people need to be less thin skinned about co-workers criticizing them or giving feedback. I have a professional degree from literally the top school in my field. Certainly in my first years at my employer people were reviewing my emails regularly. You don't necessarily know the tone or the culture of the organization or a particular audience. Be glad of the help, or at least don't be so offended by it.
I see this all the time where people just get offended or feel undermined so easily. Assume good intent, or at least don't take things so personally, and life will be much easier.

But OP isn't in the beginning of her career, that's the point. Years of being undermined and micromanaged chip away at your soul.

OP has been in her career for only five years. (She had been working in blue collar jobs for years before that.) In my field, a person who has been at the job for five years is considered junior. Mid-career kicks in around year 8. I've been in my career for 20 years now and barely consider myself senior.

The gen Z people I work with take offense to any review of anything they do. I should just be happy they put any effort into it at all. They write emails saying they are now too busy to do the work given without a deadline and to please finish it up rather than them. Its wild to me that they come in and rather than wanting to learn just want to be affirmed for their minor amount of knowledge they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not an uncommon experience. You can really reduce being targeted, though, through some behavioral shifts.

What behavioral shifts do you recommend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not an uncommon experience. You can really reduce being targeted, though, through some behavioral shifts.

What behavioral shifts do you recommend?

you should smile more.

/s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and just got laid off last week. I have worked for the better part of the last 26 years, and I am exhausted. I did blue collar work until my early thirties, when I got my degrees, and have been in the professional work force for the last five years.

I have been lied to, lied about, been caught in the political crosshairs of the office environment, bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned, pushed out, sidelined, etc. I was so on guard leaving my previous role for this new one, but this last job was probably the worst in terms of a lack of “psychological safety”: I was micromanaged, asked to send copies of emails for editing/review before sending out, spoken to like a naughty child when I didn’t read the minds of the managers I was supporting etc. The client loved me but my immediate peers/managers were passive-aggressive and the opposite of supportive.

ATP corporate America just seems like an exploitive toxic sludge and I feel panic when I think about taking on a new role. I never seem to be able to align with the right people and end up scapegoated. I’m sure there’s some blind spots but generally I’m very well-liked, it just seems that I’m an easy target for the workplace bully/ies and I am afraid of being in any kind of situation like that again.

Has anyone else been in this position? I have an MBA and want to work - I actually like working, even outside of the income perspective - but I am just so gun-shy. I feel like I’ll never find a place that’s honest and transparent and generally positive. Is it me? Is it them? Is this just the nature of work in America?

Honestly, this sounds like a mix of real grievances and petty ones. You've been in the white-collar world for only a few years, and being asked to have emails reviewed before being sent out for typos and errors is NOT on the same level as being sexually harassed. If everything to you amounts to trauma, you'll come across as a lightweight. No one deserves to be harassed, but any newbie should be glad that their communications are being reviewed prior to being sent out to clients.
Are you someone who is easily overwhelmed?

If my only grievance were the email issue, I wouldn’t feel this way. It’s the broader picture of being treated disrespectfully, like I’m “less than,” like I have to prove myself in fundamental ways continuously, and just the general eggshells I’ve been walking on when people are passive-aggressive but can’t or won’t directly address their issues nor clearly outline their expectations. Mind games, power plays, etc - it all makes me feel sick to my stomach.

This is annoying, for sure, and discouraging and probably a bad fit, but does not amount to trauma. Put on your big girl undies and move on.

+1. No one should be sexually harassed but people need to be less thin skinned about co-workers criticizing them or giving feedback. I have a professional degree from literally the top school in my field. Certainly in my first years at my employer people were reviewing my emails regularly. You don't necessarily know the tone or the culture of the organization or a particular audience. Be glad of the help, or at least don't be so offended by it.
I see this all the time where people just get offended or feel undermined so easily. Assume good intent, or at least don't take things so personally, and life will be much easier.

But OP isn't in the beginning of her career, that's the point. Years of being undermined and micromanaged chip away at your soul.

OP has been in her career for only five years. (She had been working in blue collar jobs for years before that.) In my field, a person who has been at the job for five years is considered junior. Mid-career kicks in around year 8. I've been in my career for 20 years now and barely consider myself senior.

Oh I missed that. I think "blue collar now white" poster has posted on here a lot about lots of things. And now it culminates in a firing. What a surprise.