S/O - when is it appropriate to confront a rude/entitled/misbehaving person?

[Anonymous]

My rule is don't engage with crazy unless they are hurting someone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just in Tysons HomeGoods and this young guy in on speaker FaceTiming a friend who has apparently never been there. I should not know that or that her name is Asia and she was in Rockville, but alas, since he was loud and giving her a tour of the entire store I could not avoid it.

I've learned to just cut out background noise like this. Stuff like this, or playing music on the subway, or similar things just don't bother me anymore.

[Anonymous]

I do not intervene or confront. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s my business to “correct” strangers. Why would I bother? Nor is it my job to police who is “entitled” or “misbehaving.” I do have the right to speak up when someone’s actions are affecting me, but in my mind it is not about judging them, it is about my own comfort.

Well that's exactly what we are discussing here. If someone else's behavior is affecting us in a negative way, it's ok to speak up.

Even if they are a BIPOC ?

[Anonymous]

I recently asked the guy seated on my left on a plane to please turn his volume down as he listened to videos on his phone. He had the phone up by his right ear, which was inches from my left ear, to listen to it full blast on speaker. He turned it down and that was that. Better than listening to that the whole flight.

[Anonymous]

Op, if they such an outliner, they are an outliner. And you don't know how they will act. That is why you have people with training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s my business to “correct” strangers. Why would I bother? Nor is it my job to police who is “entitled” or “misbehaving.” I do have the right to speak up when someone’s actions are affecting me, but in my mind it is not about judging them, it is about my own comfort.

Well that's exactly what we are discussing here. If someone else's behavior is affecting us in a negative way, it's ok to speak up.

Even if they are a BIPOC ?

Of course. Why do you assume the worst from BIPOC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not intervene or confront. Never.

On a crowded subway? Never confront. Keep sunglasses on and ignore. I, once, was mindlessly looking at a young "lady." She became irate/threatening/belligerent. That's when I instituted the sunglasses rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not intervene or confront. Never.

On a crowded subway? Never confront. Keep sunglasses on and ignore. I, once, was mindlessly looking at a young "lady." She became irate/threatening/belligerent. That's when I instituted the sunglasses rule.

+1 I was once told randomly that I would never make it into veterinary school. Ooookay lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they seemed safe, I would tap them and say "Hi would you mind turning that down? I can't hear my music over yours," and point to my ears.

Racist.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2022/09/let-brooklyn-be-loud/670600/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated by the societal norms that go into this sort of decisionmaking. Those of us that follow rules (maybe to a fault?) are so nervous to confront those that break them. There must be a psychological/sociological reason for this, right?

Here's my example from this morning: on a very crowded metro, and a person boards, choosing to play very loud, very inappropriate music without headphones. You could literally feel the anxiety of people as they (me included) tried to avoid making direct eye contact with the offender. Yes, in the grand scheme, I guess it doesn't matter, but why do a group of people allow one person to dictate terms like that?

In the grand scheme, I consider my safety first.

Would I ask on a metro/subway/bus, etc.? Never. We've all seen the videos.
At the dentist, in a room filled with scheduled patients, sure.
At the mall or random ER? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I encounter this a lot, OP. I commute on the MARC train and always sit on the quiet car. If I see a couple, or even a parent with a child get on there and just talk I dont say anything. I assume they do not know the rules and are not trying to break them intentionally. However, if I see a regular commuter who normally sits on the quiet car with me every day, get on their phone and have a long conversation, I absolutely say something. They know better and are just being rude.

I don't know if I would have said anything to the person you describe. Lots of crazy people on the metro and someone like that is usually lookng for a fight.

I took the Acela weekly for years and would sit in the quiet car. When I would see families with young children board I'd politely mention that this is the quiet car and kind of jokingly say that I just wanted to give them a warning that people tend to take it VERY seriously so if you don’t want to be yelled at keep it moving before setting up shop. "I have young kids, they couldn't do a "library like environment" for 3 hours either just wanted to give yoi the heads up." They were generally appreciative and had no idea they had boarded a quiet car or any idea how passengers police that environment (strictly!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently asked the guy seated on my left on a plane to please turn his volume down as he listened to videos on his phone. He had the phone up by his right ear, which was inches from my left ear, to listen to it full blast on speaker. He turned it down and that was that. Better than listening to that the whole flight.

Good lord. I’d have asked him to use headphones, and summoned the FA if he refused. It’s a rule on planes to use headphones.

[Anonymous]

Metro used to be different, maybe 15 years ago (pre-smart phone when everyone read the Express paper). Lots of feds willing to enforce the rules. Went downhill after smartphones, and people just started burying their nose in the phone instead of confronting. Metro culture is not the same. You can eat a whole fast food meal and no one will say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Metro used to be different, maybe 15 years ago (pre-smart phone when everyone read the Express paper). Lots of feds willing to enforce the rules. Went downhill after smartphones, and people just started burying their nose in the phone instead of confronting. Metro culture is not the same. You can eat a whole fast food meal and no one will say anything.

It's because people get killed randomly now.