ADHD and rejection sensitivity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The impulsivity is the issue (and the part that’s related to adhd.) rejection sensitivity is not among the characteristic symptoms in the dsm (though of course plenty if kids with adhd are, just as all sorts of kids are.)

I think you would be better served by concentrating on the impulsivity that causes problems when he’s feeling wounded-it’s more amenable to treatment and the most important thing to get a handle on. It also avoids the tricky business of policing his feelings.

When the lashing out is under better control cbt or dbt may help.

Is it impulsivity? He isnt reacting but not reacting if that makes sense. Like he doesn't yell or get mad at other kids. He just goes silent and goes to sit by himself and wont interact with folks. Not doubting its the impulsivity that starts it just never thought about it that way.

But I dont see it as lashing out. Am I looking at it wrong?

That’s good he’s not lashing out but on the other hand it’s hard to believe kids don’t know he’s upset/mad/hurt/ in a way that seems out of proportion to them (not criticizing him for feeling like that at all! It’s just that by later elementary kids are very aware of when someone is huffy or what they perceive as over sensitive and that in itself may change how they behave toward him, both in the moment and in the future, which of course just makes him more on the lookout for kids not liking him.

CBT can definitely help and in the meantime maybe role play or social stories (when he’s not upset.)

He will have had the experience of not enjoying playing with someone who is moping or “over sensitive” so maybe role play how an upset kid could behave that would not push friends away as much. ( my kids like it when I play the kid with the “problem” behavior and are surprisingly good at giving pointers on how to handle upset feelings differently which I have then seen them apply to themselves.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The impulsivity is the issue (and the part that’s related to adhd.) rejection sensitivity is not among the characteristic symptoms in the dsm (though of course plenty if kids with adhd are, just as all sorts of kids are.)

I think you would be better served by concentrating on the impulsivity that causes problems when he’s feeling wounded-it’s more amenable to treatment and the most important thing to get a handle on. It also avoids the tricky business of policing his feelings.

When the lashing out is under better control cbt or dbt may help.

Is it impulsivity? He isnt reacting but not reacting if that makes sense. Like he doesn't yell or get mad at other kids. He just goes silent and goes to sit by himself and wont interact with folks. Not doubting its the impulsivity that starts it just never thought about it that way.

But I dont see it as lashing out. Am I looking at it wrong?

That’s good he’s not lashing out but on the other hand it’s hard to believe kids don’t know he’s upset/mad/hurt/ in a way that seems out of proportion to them (not criticizing him for feeling like that at all! It’s just that by later elementary kids are very aware of when someone is huffy or what they perceive as over sensitive and that in itself may change how they behave toward him, both in the moment and in the future, which of course just makes him more on the lookout for kids not liking him.

CBT can definitely help and in the meantime maybe role play or social stories (when he’s not upset.)

He will have had the experience of not enjoying playing with someone who is moping or “over sensitive” so maybe role play how an upset kid could behave that would not push friends away as much. ( my kids like it when I play the kid with the “problem” behavior and are surprisingly good at giving pointers on how to handle upset feelings differently which I have then seen them apply to themselves.)

Oh I 100% agree that other kids notice and I am very concerned for middle school. I know his brother refuses to play games with him anymore. He does get out of it faster now than a few years ago (he was almost headed towards a selective mutism diagnosis and basically hadn't talked in class from toddlerhood until 2nd grade when he started meds).

That is a great idea about role playing. Thanks. I have always wanted to find him a spcial skills class but they seem.geared towards kids with ASD so I wasnt sure it woud work for him..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The impulsivity is the issue (and the part that’s related to adhd.) rejection sensitivity is not among the characteristic symptoms in the dsm (though of course plenty if kids with adhd are, just as all sorts of kids are.)

I think you would be better served by concentrating on the impulsivity that causes problems when he’s feeling wounded-it’s more amenable to treatment and the most important thing to get a handle on. It also avoids the tricky business of policing his feelings.

When the lashing out is under better control cbt or dbt may help.

Is it impulsivity? He isnt reacting but not reacting if that makes sense. Like he doesn't yell or get mad at other kids. He just goes silent and goes to sit by himself and wont interact with folks. Not doubting its the impulsivity that starts it just never thought about it that way.

But I dont see it as lashing out. Am I looking at it wrong?

That’s good he’s not lashing out but on the other hand it’s hard to believe kids don’t know he’s upset/mad/hurt/ in a way that seems out of proportion to them (not criticizing him for feeling like that at all! It’s just that by later elementary kids are very aware of when someone is huffy or what they perceive as over sensitive and that in itself may change how they behave toward him, both in the moment and in the future, which of course just makes him more on the lookout for kids not liking him.

CBT can definitely help and in the meantime maybe role play or social stories (when he’s not upset.)

He will have had the experience of not enjoying playing with someone who is moping or “over sensitive” so maybe role play how an upset kid could behave that would not push friends away as much. ( my kids like it when I play the kid with the “problem” behavior and are surprisingly good at giving pointers on how to handle upset feelings differently which I have then seen them apply to themselves.)

Oh I 100% agree that other kids notice and I am very concerned for middle school. I know his brother refuses to play games with him anymore. He does get out of it faster now than a few years ago (he was almost headed towards a selective mutism diagnosis and basically hadn't talked in class from toddlerhood until 2nd grade when he started meds).

That is a great idea about role playing. Thanks. I have always wanted to find him a spcial skills class but they seem.geared towards kids with ASD so I wasnt sure it woud work for him..

Try a different sport. Rock climbing, speed skating, and breakdancing all work well for ADHD kids. Once your son really wants to improve at something he’ll not just be told the positive reasons why people criticize but he’ll understand.

[Anonymous]

Curious for those who have done DBT and how it helped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, 9 is way too late for anyone to be managing emotions.

I have worked with many kids like this and it just takes a lot of talking about the rejection feelings and CBT is really the best way to manage this.

You clearly don’t specialize in ADHD.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this applies, but with my DC being really hungry seems to correlate with an increased chance of extra sensitive feelings, or perceiving that people are doing things intentionally. It's like the ability to be rational goes out the window. This has gotten better as DC matures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this applies, but with my DC being really hungry seems to correlate with an increased chance of extra sensitive feelings, or perceiving that people are doing things intentionally. It's like the ability to be rational goes out the window. This has gotten better as DC matures.

Agree. Diet and sleep play a huge role for my DD15 in these situations. It has gotten better around peers but still peeks with us.