To the parents of freshman right now

[Anonymous]

I was just talking to my son's girlfriend (they are 26) and she asked me why her dr appointment was $1000 and could not figure it out since she has insurance.

I was like do you have an HMO or PPO, blank stare.
Did you go to a doctor who was out of network, blank stare.

Just wasn't something I ever thought about going over so I did a conference call with my kids and we explained the health care system and it sounds worse than it is once you explain all of it.

[Anonymous]

My first to college took a gap year because of Covid and I think there were some real benefits for her (long story, not your question.) Second kid is freshman now, I was mildly worried he wasn't up to the task of college as he was not the most organized guy in hs and we're only a few weeks in but he seems to be rising to the occasion from what I"m hearing. I don't know about grades of course but he is reporting to me he's getting his work done and keeping life in balance so here's hoping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the parents who have their first born in college this Fall. How responsible do you think your kid is about managing academics and life ? How many truly think their kid should have taken a gap year to mature before entering college and being on their own. Please just be honest no bragging!

Although I believe our DC was ready and a gap year was not in the cards, I also understand your point of a gap year to ensure readiness (so they don't show up to school and then party all the time, smoke pot everyday, do poorly, and decided change their major to something easy to then graduate with a crap degree). I say this because I recall the young men in my college that were a little older because they had done military service showing up and being very diligent and hardworking students, but still very fun and social. They were prepared and could stay on mission. If you think about it, Mormons send their children off for a two-year long gap year before they start college so they show up very mature and prepared. Not saying this is why they do it, but I cannot deny those young persons certainly come through their missionary service very mature and prepared. Again, we did not do anything of the sort, but I cannot deny there is value to a gap year before college.

[Anonymous]

My 18 DS is a freshman at medium large public school a long drive away.

He attended lame hs & didn’t push himself.

I would have liked a gap year but he would not consider.

He regrets wasting HS abd seems to be stepping up now, but it’s at his word & only 4 weeks in (not even) - I’ll circle back on January.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I’m honest you’ll accuse me of bragging

+1

[Anonymous]

I have a young college freshman (turning 18 next week) and she is doing well in college.

A gap year would have been terrible for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a freshman son at an Ivy. I think he is fine, seems to be doing laundry, attending classes, studying, getting involved in lots of extracurriculars and partying. Probably getting less sleep than he needs. I don't think a gap year would have been beneficial

So tiresome that you really feel the need to drop this in everywhere. My God you must be insufferable in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a freshman son at an Ivy. I think he is fine, seems to be doing laundry, attending classes, studying, getting involved in lots of extracurriculars and partying. Probably getting less sleep than he needs. I don't think a gap year would have been beneficial

So tiresome that you really feel the need to drop this in everywhere. My God you must be insufferable in person.

NP - not an Ivy parent.

I don't think this is out of line. It's a thread about how kids are rising to the moment. So many threads on DCUM surround the pressure to get into an Ivy, the cut throat nature of some Ivies, whether modern day students are even prepared... it seems like a logical inclusion to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the parents who have their first born in college this Fall. How responsible do you think your kid is about managing academics and life ? How many truly think their kid should have taken a gap year to mature before entering college and being on their own. Please just be honest no bragging!

With all the coddling and handholding that colleges and parents provide now, if your kid is not mature enough at 18 to handle college, a gap year will not help.

[Anonymous]

I have a current freshman who is also an athlete. Slept through his alarm and was 15 min late for morning lift. After a verbal beatdown, he was then required to clean the locker room. I thought it was great! Actions (or lack of actions) have consequences. By himself, got another alarm clock for redundancy and hasn't had a problem since. Maybe a gap year would have prepared him better, but he's learning the right stuff nonetheless and will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I don't buy it...these kids are adults now - postponing college for a year isn't going to change their perspective. They have to figure it out or not.

[Anonymous]

gap year? to do what?

they don't have to know how to manage real life to go to college and be successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kid would have benefited from a gap year. He refused to consider it, so we'll just have to see how it goes. Academically precocious, but immature socioemotionally. A year of good old fashioned work would have helped him mature, I think.

New poster. I feel the same way and have the same type kid. It’s hard for kids who are academically advanced, yet immature to see the value in taking time to work on life skills. But my kid should have taken the time to work or travel.

And to the other posters who say parents failed to teach life skills, we have tried that. For years, we worked on executive function, organization, street smarts, budgeting, etc. It doesn’t help. My kid is unwilling or incapable of learning these things. For this kid, academics is much easier than keeping money in a bank account, learning these things shuttle schedule, ordering books, etc.

I disagree that gap years help the kids with Little Professor Syndrome (ADHD with a touch of autism), which is what you describe. My Little Professor started college without a credit card, didn't do an ounce of paperwork, did not book his own doctor's appointments, etc. Very intellectual and nothing else. I taught him how to do laundry before he moved into his dorm and that's about it. This year at 20 he requested a secure credit card at his bank. He's in Europe now for his study abroad. He's downloaded the app for the public transport, visited lots of places with his cohort, he's done so much compared to when he was a freshman and sophomore. He's grocery shopping and COOKING, for God's sakes, because he has a studio with a kitchen and no cafeteria! Things that would have been unbelievable last year!

It's OK if students start college not knowing all the practical stuff people think they should. They will learn it on the way. A gap year will not hasten the process. The "rate of change" is likely going to be the same wherever you place your kid. Why? Because their brains are built that way. So they will know what to do, but ON THEIR OWN TIME. Therefore, I don't think they should waste their time doing a gap year if their strength is academics...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I’m honest you’ll accuse me of bragging

I feel the same. My son texted he received a 95 on his physics exam

I miss him more than words can describe. I'm not worried about academics and never have. But I miss his presence and wish I could hear his morning "Good Morning" when he woke up. He's my one and only and 7 hrs away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I’m honest you’ll accuse me of bragging

I feel the same. My son texted he received a 95 on his physics exam

I miss him more than words can describe. I'm not worried about academics and never have. But I miss his presence and wish I could hear his morning "Good Morning" when he woke up. He's my one and only and 7 hrs away.

I have one only too and it’s so hard! Mine has ADD and can struggle with staying organized and on top of assignments but he is doing ok.

I’m actually impressed by how much he is handling well on his own. So proud of him for the personal growth he’s also demonstrating.