My gut is to pause my life and go but I keep going back and forth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to have a conversation with your sister about this before you do this. Are you planning on staying with her, does she want an extra person under her roof or will that stress her out more? Your intentions are obviously coming from a good place but you need to discuss this with her.

Op here! I am not worried about this part, she is comfortable and close enough to tell me if its not a good idea and my initial response to staying longer has been positive. She would always have the final say and I wouldnt guilt her into anything. She lives about 50 min away from the hospital and they stay at a Ronald mcdonald house 3 days a week and then they come back home. Ive stayed at a hilton near her house or her house or the mcdonald house, it all depends and I am flexible and its the most unconcerning/easiest part of the logistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for 2 weeks. A month seems too long and too burdensome on your own family

Start with two and be able extend if it makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Go see her in person. What you are hearing and intuiting may be correct, and she needs your hands on presence right now. Maybe she's fine, but you won't know for sure without seeing the situation first hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to have a conversation with your sister about this before you do this. Are you planning on staying with her, does she want an extra person under her roof or will that stress her out more? Your intentions are obviously coming from a good place but you need to discuss this with her.

Op here! I am not worried about this part, she is comfortable and close enough to tell me if its not a good idea and my initial response to staying longer has been positive. She would always have the final say and I wouldnt guilt her into anything. She lives about 50 min away from the hospital and they stay at a Ronald mcdonald house 3 days a week and then they come back home. Ive stayed at a hilton near her house or her house or the mcdonald house, it all depends and I am flexible and its the most unconcerning/easiest part of the logistics.

It sounds like you have a good plan op and can make this work. I have a similar relationship with my sister and can see myself doing this (and it being the right call for both of us). I understand it wouldn’t in some families, but it sounds like it probably is for yours. Especially since you can make it work from a job perspective. I would do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to have a conversation with your sister about this before you do this. Are you planning on staying with her, does she want an extra person under her roof or will that stress her out more? Your intentions are obviously coming from a good place but you need to discuss this with her.

Op here! I am not worried about this part, she is comfortable and close enough to tell me if its not a good idea and my initial response to staying longer has been positive. She would always have the final say and I wouldnt guilt her into anything. She lives about 50 min away from the hospital and they stay at a Ronald mcdonald house 3 days a week and then they come back home. Ive stayed at a hilton near her house or her house or the mcdonald house, it all depends and I am flexible and its the most unconcerning/easiest part of the logistics.

Go! My sister flew out for a few days when my husband was in the hospital for a long stretch and I will never forget it. Listen to your gut. You’re a good sister

[Anonymous]

Go. Just go. And explain to your children why you are going so they understand what siblings do for each other during times of hardship.

[Anonymous]

You should go for 2 weeks so that you can see it your own eyes whats going on and assess how you can best help. 2 weeks shouldn't be too much of a burden on your own family and it allows you to still go for additional time at a later date if needed.

I'm an only child but if I had a sister I'd be there in a heartbeat.

I remember trying to pay my way through college. I had just used some student grant money to buy a new Dell laptop for school. The following week I got the call that my mom had fallen ill and was in the hospital 4000 miles away, in California. I was a struggling college student with no extra money so I immediately posted my new laptop on Craigslist and sold it the next day to get money for a plane ticket out to California. Luckily my mom recovered but if she hadn't I wouldn't have been able to live with my self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here! I really really like the week on week off idea, I dont know why that didnt occur to me! The way my scheduling is I can probably do 10 days off and come back for 10 etc so I am going to start investigating thise logistics. My nephew isnt terminal, my gut is more based on my sisters mental health and exhaustion but beyond “normal” if that makes sense. I dont even know “what” (outside the obvious) it is but I feel strong about it.

+1. There have been several times when I have felt this strong pull to go to someone and it was the absolutelu right thing to do. I also did the one week initial visit and ended up returning two weeks later.

[Anonymous]

I did this for my brother and his family after their third ended up in the hospital just after birth for a significant period of time while they tried to figure out what was happening to him (they were transfusing his blood over a period of 4 months). He was not in danger of dying, but it was scary, and my sister in law had just had a baby and they had two other young children. I myself had three young children, and was living overseas, but could tell my brother was on the verge of a major crisis. I was only able to stay for a week, but my brother still talks - to this day, 6 years later - about how much that meant to him.

If you can do it, do it. This is an important example for your children, as well.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think she wants you thrrr

[Anonymous]

Does your sister need to have a weekend away? Being immersed in an illness that may kill someone is intense and when it's your child, even more so. Maybe she needs a break with you - a spa weekend of some sort?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a week may be the best, two at max. I hate to be so negative about this, but please consider in the back of your mind that if things take a turn for the worse, you may need to go back again for an additional week or two to offer support that she may really, really need then. You can always switch to a later flight once you get there if need be. But for now, with work and the disruption to your family, plan for a week

Yeah, this was my thought. If you take this much time now, you may not be able to later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for 2 weeks. A month seems too long and too burdensome on your own family

Why don’t you try for either 10 consecutive days over two weekends or two one week trips. Go once and get a sense for when it would make sense for you to go back and what she needs. Maybe she just needs you to show up every once in a while to laugh and cry together.

[Anonymous]

You go. What kind of man is your husband that you're worried about resentment? Sounds like you have a pretty good life and have the means to hire a sitter if he needs help. No good person would resent their significant other for taking time away to help a family member in need