Private that takes new 8th graders

[Anonymous]

Op here - my child is a girl. The school social worker has been giving her 'resources' for coming out however my daughter is not gay and even said that to the social worker. She is gender non confirming, which used to be called tomboy, but now they are all ascribing her as trans and teachers at back to school night even referred to my child as "he" and one teacher said they were doing it bc the other children corrected the teacher when the teacher said 'her' about my daughter. My daughter is very shy and just goes along with it. The social worker also created a secretive nature of her talks with my daughter and I do not find that appropriate at all. My child is vulnerable and this school is not helping to protect her at all. I appreciate the religious schools recs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - my child is a girl. The school social worker has been giving her 'resources' for coming out however my daughter is not gay and even said that to the social worker. She is gender non confirming, which used to be called tomboy, but now they are all ascribing her as trans and teachers at back to school night even referred to my child as "he" and one teacher said they were doing it bc the other children corrected the teacher when the teacher said 'her' about my daughter. My daughter is very shy and just goes along with it. The social worker also created a secretive nature of her talks with my daughter and I do not find that appropriate at all. My child is vulnerable and this school is not helping to protect her at all. I appreciate the religious schools recs

More likely is that your daughter doesn't feel safe talking to you.

[Anonymous]

OP again - yes my child is a strong student, she has all As and takes HS level classes in MS, has college level ELA scores. She doesn't do sports and we are not regularly religious but she's familiar with some Bible. She has 1 main activity, not sporty. We will qualify for need-based aid, will beg family to help with $

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - my child is a girl. The school social worker has been giving her 'resources' for coming out however my daughter is not gay and even said that to the social worker. She is gender non confirming, which used to be called tomboy, but now they are all ascribing her as trans and teachers at back to school night even referred to my child as "he" and one teacher said they were doing it bc the other children corrected the teacher when the teacher said 'her' about my daughter. My daughter is very shy and just goes along with it. The social worker also created a secretive nature of her talks with my daughter and I do not find that appropriate at all. My child is vulnerable and this school is not helping to protect her at all. I appreciate the religious schools recs

More likely is that your daughter doesn't feel safe talking to you.

Me again. The fact that your response to this is make your kid switch schools instead of helping her advocate for herself "no, my pronouns are she/her" speaks volumes. You are doing her no favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - my child is a girl. The school social worker has been giving her 'resources' for coming out however my daughter is not gay and even said that to the social worker. She is gender non confirming, which used to be called tomboy, but now they are all ascribing her as trans and teachers at back to school night even referred to my child as "he" and one teacher said they were doing it bc the other children corrected the teacher when the teacher said 'her' about my daughter. My daughter is very shy and just goes along with it. The social worker also created a secretive nature of her talks with my daughter and I do not find that appropriate at all. My child is vulnerable and this school is not helping to protect her at all. I appreciate the religious schools recs

More likely is that your daughter doesn't feel safe talking to you.

I have wondered that also but I believe she is honest. This was never an issue until she switched to public school. We are working with children's national gender autism clinic and it seems this is more of an autism issue. She is high functioning autism. The school is thwarting all the efforts we have put into her autism treatment smh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - my child is a girl. The school social worker has been giving her 'resources' for coming out however my daughter is not gay and even said that to the social worker. She is gender non confirming, which used to be called tomboy, but now they are all ascribing her as trans and teachers at back to school night even referred to my child as "he" and one teacher said they were doing it bc the other children corrected the teacher when the teacher said 'her' about my daughter. My daughter is very shy and just goes along with it. The social worker also created a secretive nature of her talks with my daughter and I do not find that appropriate at all. My child is vulnerable and this school is not helping to protect her at all. I appreciate the religious schools recs

More likely is that your daughter doesn't feel safe talking to you.

Me again. The fact that your response to this is make your kid switch schools instead of helping her advocate for herself "no, my pronouns are she/her" speaks volumes. You are doing her no favors.

Yes, I have been trying and she is working with a therapist. This is clearly the goals but it's going to take time. She had an initial relationship with the social worker to help speak up for herself but clearly the social worker is creating her own agenda.

Admittedly, I created this post when I first learned of all this secretive stuff and my emotional reaction was to take her out of the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - my child is a girl. The school social worker has been giving her 'resources' for coming out however my daughter is not gay and even said that to the social worker. She is gender non confirming, which used to be called tomboy, but now they are all ascribing her as trans and teachers at back to school night even referred to my child as "he" and one teacher said they were doing it bc the other children corrected the teacher when the teacher said 'her' about my daughter. My daughter is very shy and just goes along with it. The social worker also created a secretive nature of her talks with my daughter and I do not find that appropriate at all. My child is vulnerable and this school is not helping to protect her at all. I appreciate the religious schools recs

More likely is that your daughter doesn't feel safe talking to you.

I have wondered that also but I believe she is honest. This was never an issue until she switched to public school. We are working with children's national gender autism clinic and it seems this is more of an autism issue. She is high functioning autism. The school is thwarting all the efforts we have put into her autism treatment smh

So in fact your criteria are a lot more than "no LGBTQ talk." Presumably (hopefully?) you want a school open to gender non conforming and providing support for autism. If you aren't a troll, I would start a new thread that isn't fueled by your anger at the social worker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - my child is a girl. The school social worker has been giving her 'resources' for coming out however my daughter is not gay and even said that to the social worker. She is gender non confirming, which used to be called tomboy, but now they are all ascribing her as trans and teachers at back to school night even referred to my child as "he" and one teacher said they were doing it bc the other children corrected the teacher when the teacher said 'her' about my daughter. My daughter is very shy and just goes along with it. The social worker also created a secretive nature of her talks with my daughter and I do not find that appropriate at all. My child is vulnerable and this school is not helping to protect her at all. I appreciate the religious schools recs

This happened to my niece. She wasn't interested in anything having to do with romantic/sexual relationships with boys or girls and dressed like a skater-tomboy. It was not an issue of her not feeling comfortable talking with my SIL or BIL and I'm sure people will respond to you that that's what's happening. They moved her to a religious but private school and she was much happier because this became a non-issue. She had a bigger issue with the uniform, but no place is perfect and that seemed like a worthwhile "trade."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - my child is a girl. The school social worker has been giving her 'resources' for coming out however my daughter is not gay and even said that to the social worker. She is gender non confirming, which used to be called tomboy, but now they are all ascribing her as trans and teachers at back to school night even referred to my child as "he" and one teacher said they were doing it bc the other children corrected the teacher when the teacher said 'her' about my daughter. My daughter is very shy and just goes along with it. The social worker also created a secretive nature of her talks with my daughter and I do not find that appropriate at all. My child is vulnerable and this school is not helping to protect her at all. I appreciate the religious schools recs

This happened to my niece. She wasn't interested in anything having to do with romantic/sexual relationships with boys or girls and dressed like a skater-tomboy. It was not an issue of her not feeling comfortable talking with my SIL or BIL and I'm sure people will respond to you that that's what's happening. They moved her to a religious but private school and she was much happier because this became a non-issue. She had a bigger issue with the uniform, but no place is perfect and that seemed like a worthwhile "trade."

Thank you for sharing that. I have heard many similar cases. Best wishes to your niece.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just have her no longer work with a school based social worker? Sounds like this particular person is a little overzealous. She’s in middle school and therefore may not know herself what her ultimate romantic preference and gender expression will be and if she’s not bringing it up, the social worker shouldn’t be either. The teachers with the pronouns are likely well-meaning and if she simply can say to them that her pronouns are she/her, that should stop that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just have her no longer work with a school based social worker? Sounds like this particular person is a little overzealous. She’s in middle school and therefore may not know herself what her ultimate romantic preference and gender expression will be and if she’s not bringing it up, the social worker shouldn’t be either. The teachers with the pronouns are likely well-meaning and if she simply can say to them that her pronouns are she/her, that should stop that.

This is PP with another thought- it could be that she is telling you one thing and the social worker something else. It’s not uncommon to tell people what you think they want to hear. Assuming you are open to whomever your daughter loves and however they identify, I might invest in a little bit of
family therapy to be sure she feels secure that she can tell you whatever she is thinking/feeling about any topic regardless of what she thinks you will think.

[Anonymous]

I would not put a gender non conforming child in a very religious school, they will not accommodate anything beyond a binary boy/girl identity. I also think the autism diagnosis will limit your appropriate school options and your public school will have the best support for that. Your best bet is staying in public and developing a better relationship with the support there.

[Anonymous]

Look at 6-12 schools like Burke

[Anonymous]

Op, I can't think of any teacher who would switch a child's pronouns unless told to do so by the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Op, I can't think of any teacher who would switch a child's pronouns unless told to do so by the student**.