Teachers, don't do this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My calm kid is always used as the therapy dog in classrooms. She hates it and we're leaving the school system.

I was often paired with the rowdy kid and my was daughter too. It’s unfair to us to babysit bad behavior. I asked the teachers not to do this and thankfully they stopped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My calm kid is always used as the therapy dog in classrooms. She hates it and we're leaving the school system.

Exactly. The reality is that, rightly or wrongly, families like ours — relatively well-resourced, with neurotypical and generally well-behaved kids — often end up being treated as resources for the system. Our children are positioned as stabilizing forces, expected to offset or buffer some of the more challenging dynamics in the classroom. And again, I’m not blaming anyone. I understand that in certain micro-level cases, this might even be the best solution for the group as a whole.

But over time, this becomes a structural feature of the system — not an occasional workaround. And what that means in practice is that the needs of the well-regulated kid, the quiet kid, the academically solid kid, get sidelined. Not maliciously, but inevitably, because there are legal, administrative, and behavioral imperatives that must be prioritized. And once you understand that dynamic, the incentive becomes clear: if you can exit to an environment where most of the families are in that same narrow band — reasonably stable home life, no major learning or behavioral hurdles — the educational experience becomes far more right-sized for your child.

That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to find in public school. But let’s be honest: the systemic incentive structure just doesn’t make that easy. So yeah, for many of us, the exit is not about elitism or snobbery — it’s just a rational response to an environment where our kids’ needs will always come second. And sometimes, third.

[Anonymous]

Teacher perspective: I used to have lovely, small classes of 15-17 students. One particularly challenging year, I had a highly disruptive student. The school chose to retain that student because his/her family were major donors and paid multiple tuitions. I also had another two students who had impulse control issues. They contributed a lot of positive things to the school community but could also derail both lecture and quiet work time. I separated these three students to different table groups in my classroom. There was no way to do this without putting them next to my most respectful, highest achieving students. I wasn’t expecting the high achieving students to keep the off-task kids in line. Rather, I couldn’t have so many powerful personalities in close proximity to each other and amplifying each other’s energy.

We often tell ourselves involved stories about why something we don’t like is happening. But you have no way of knowing why a teacher sets up a seating plan in a particular way. We often have several IEPs to consider that dictate which students need to be at the front, at the back, near the teacher, near a bathroom, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective: I used to have lovely, small classes of 15-17 students. One particularly challenging year, I had a highly disruptive student. The school chose to retain that student because his/her family were major donors and paid multiple tuitions. I also had another two students who had impulse control issues. They contributed a lot of positive things to the school community but could also derail both lecture and quiet work time. I separated these three students to different table groups in my classroom. There was no way to do this without putting them next to my most respectful, highest achieving students. I wasn’t expecting the high achieving students to keep the off-task kids in line. Rather, I couldn’t have so many powerful personalities in close proximity to each other and amplifying each other’s energy.

We often tell ourselves involved stories about why something we don’t like is happening. But you have no way of knowing why a teacher sets up a seating plan in a particular way. We often have several IEPs to consider that dictate which students need to be at the front, at the back, near the teacher, near a bathroom, etc.

I totally get this. And at our former school everything seemed to revolve around who had an IEP or some other required accommodation, on top of all the other informal arrangements the teachers had to deal with.

That’s why we moved our child to a parochial school that is up front about what it can and can’t accommodate, at least at scale. The result has been a sort of normalcy that is increasingly uncommon in public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just know this is not best practice and a teacher doing these things isn't following guidelines.

What guidelines? Stop making stuff up.

[Anonymous]

So basically no neurotypical child ever gets “preferential” seating or partners?

Lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So basically no neurotypical child ever gets “preferential” seating or partners?

Lovely.

welcome to general education!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t one kid. These days it’s 1/4 of the class or more.

This is the problem. In my 5th period gen ed class of 30 high school students, I have 11 504s for adhd. All of them have the accommodation of "preferential seating near the point of instruction, away from distractions". I'd love for you to make my seating chart.

OP here - all I'm asking is not to say "If you dont behave, you have to sit next to Larla."
Or "Larla can teach you this."

Larla gets to be a kid too, not a mini teacher.

The first example is cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t one kid. These days it’s 1/4 of the class or more.

This is the problem. In my 5th period gen ed class of 30 high school students, I have 11 504s for adhd. All of them have the accommodation of "preferential seating near the point of instruction, away from distractions". I'd love for you to make my seating chart.

Exactly. And this is precisely why we ended up pulling one of our kids out of a highly rated charter school (HRCS). It really felt like a full third of the class had an IEP, 504, or some other accommodation that needed to be navigated daily. We’re not begrudging the children or their families — every child is who they are, in all their beautiful and complex dimensions — but the cumulative weight of trying to meet so many competing needs in one classroom was undeniable.

For our child, who I guess you’d call neurotypical, it felt like he was never really the focus of instruction or support. Not in a resentful way — he was often amused by the “excitement” in class — but the overall environment was unfocused and not conducive to learning. It just didn’t work. And while it’s great in theory to have inclusive classrooms where all students learn to engage with difference, in practice it created a setting that simply didn’t meet our child’s needs.

We moved him to a private parochial school. It’s not high-SES by any means, but the classrooms feel… normal. Not perfect. Just normal. There’s not the same sense that the teacher is constantly trying to juggle a dozen different individual education plans while still trying to teach a coherent lesson. And yes, the school is upfront that it cannot accommodate many special needs — which sadly, or perhaps realistically, makes a big difference in the classroom dynamic.

Our son might say it’s a little less exciting, but even he recognizes that it’s a much better learning environment. And we’re relieved.

The answer to any public school issue on DCUM is always a religious school. Except no one highlights Jewish schools or Muslim schools. It is always private Christian/Catholic schools. And no one ever mentions the sexual abuse scandals when they post their praises for these schools.

Another way, Project 2025 is infiltrating. Crosses UNITE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t one kid. These days it’s 1/4 of the class or more.

This is the problem. In my 5th period gen ed class of 30 high school students, I have 11 504s for adhd. All of them have the accommodation of "preferential seating near the point of instruction, away from distractions". I'd love for you to make my seating chart.

Exactly. And this is precisely why we ended up pulling one of our kids out of a highly rated charter school (HRCS). It really felt like a full third of the class had an IEP, 504, or some other accommodation that needed to be navigated daily. We’re not begrudging the children or their families — every child is who they are, in all their beautiful and complex dimensions — but the cumulative weight of trying to meet so many competing needs in one classroom was undeniable.

For our child, who I guess you’d call neurotypical, it felt like he was never really the focus of instruction or support. Not in a resentful way — he was often amused by the “excitement” in class — but the overall environment was unfocused and not conducive to learning. It just didn’t work. And while it’s great in theory to have inclusive classrooms where all students learn to engage with difference, in practice it created a setting that simply didn’t meet our child’s needs.

We moved him to a private parochial school. It’s not high-SES by any means, but the classrooms feel… normal. Not perfect. Just normal. There’s not the same sense that the teacher is constantly trying to juggle a dozen different individual education plans while still trying to teach a coherent lesson. And yes, the school is upfront that it cannot accommodate many special needs — which sadly, or perhaps realistically, makes a big difference in the classroom dynamic.

Our son might say it’s a little less exciting, but even he recognizes that it’s a much better learning environment. And we’re relieved.

The answer to any public school issue on DCUM is always a religious school. Except no one highlights Jewish schools or Muslim schools. It is always private Christian/Catholic schools. And no one ever mentions the sexual abuse scandals when they post their praises for these schools.

Another way, Project 2025 is infiltrating. Crosses UNITE!

And Wiccan schools get no love too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t one kid. These days it’s 1/4 of the class or more.

This is the problem. In my 5th period gen ed class of 30 high school students, I have 11 504s for adhd. All of them have the accommodation of "preferential seating near the point of instruction, away from distractions". I'd love for you to make my seating chart.

Exactly. And this is precisely why we ended up pulling one of our kids out of a highly rated charter school (HRCS). It really felt like a full third of the class had an IEP, 504, or some other accommodation that needed to be navigated daily. We’re not begrudging the children or their families — every child is who they are, in all their beautiful and complex dimensions — but the cumulative weight of trying to meet so many competing needs in one classroom was undeniable.

For our child, who I guess you’d call neurotypical, it felt like he was never really the focus of instruction or support. Not in a resentful way — he was often amused by the “excitement” in class — but the overall environment was unfocused and not conducive to learning. It just didn’t work. And while it’s great in theory to have inclusive classrooms where all students learn to engage with difference, in practice it created a setting that simply didn’t meet our child’s needs.

We moved him to a private parochial school. It’s not high-SES by any means, but the classrooms feel… normal. Not perfect. Just normal. There’s not the same sense that the teacher is constantly trying to juggle a dozen different individual education plans while still trying to teach a coherent lesson. And yes, the school is upfront that it cannot accommodate many special needs — which sadly, or perhaps realistically, makes a big difference in the classroom dynamic.

Our son might say it’s a little less exciting, but even he recognizes that it’s a much better learning environment. And we’re relieved.

The answer to any public school issue on DCUM is always a religious school. Except no one highlights Jewish schools or Muslim schools. It is always private Christian/Catholic schools. And no one ever mentions the sexual abuse scandals when they post their praises for these schools.

Another way, Project 2025 is infiltrating. Crosses UNITE!

And Wiccan schools get no love too.

Ummm hmmm. Where do you live where those exist?

[Anonymous]

I’ve worked as an elementary support teacher and I have been in many classrooms and I’ve never heard a teacher say “you’ll have to sit with Larla if you don’t quiet down” BUT teachers can’t put two talkers next to each other or NOTHING will get done. So yeah sometimes they put the talkers next to the quiet kids in the hopes that they can keep teaching.

The truth is that the past 5+ years has turned education on its head. The innatentive and disruptive behaviors are awful and parents don’t help much and admin does the best they can, but there are too many problem kids to handle everything.

Screens (both at home and in the classroom)+kids with less free range play have resulted in increase of ADHD symptoms and gentle parenting practices have resulted in students who don’t have as much fear of adults, which means they have less respect for teachers, who can’t do much if a kid acts out, so the cycle continues.

It is not fair for the quiet kids, not at all. I feel for the students who struggle and can’t maximize their education because of the need for constant redirection.

I’m not sure how to fix this. If we could shut down all screen time for a month (at home and at school) and see how it changes kids, I think it would be eye opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My calm kid is always used as the therapy dog in classrooms. She hates it and we're leaving the school system.

Exactly. The reality is that, rightly or wrongly, families like ours — relatively well-resourced, with neurotypical and generally well-behaved kids — often end up being treated as resources for the system. Our children are positioned as stabilizing forces, expected to offset or buffer some of the more challenging dynamics in the classroom. And again, I’m not blaming anyone. I understand that in certain micro-level cases, this might even be the best solution for the group as a whole.

But over time, this becomes a structural feature of the system — not an occasional workaround. And what that means in practice is that the needs of the well-regulated kid, the quiet kid, the academically solid kid, get sidelined. Not maliciously, but inevitably, because there are legal, administrative, and behavioral imperatives that must be prioritized. And once you understand that dynamic, the incentive becomes clear: if you can exit to an environment where most of the families are in that same narrow band — reasonably stable home life, no major learning or behavioral hurdles — the educational experience becomes far more right-sized for your child.

That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to find in public school. But let’s be honest: the systemic incentive structure just doesn’t make that easy. So yeah, for many of us, the exit is not about elitism or snobbery — it’s just a rational response to an environment where our kids’ needs will always come second. And sometimes, third.

+1. This is a big reason why we put our quiet well behaved daughters in private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My calm kid is always used as the therapy dog in classrooms. She hates it and we're leaving the school system.

Exactly. The reality is that, rightly or wrongly, families like ours — relatively well-resourced, with neurotypical and generally well-behaved kids — often end up being treated as resources for the system. Our children are positioned as stabilizing forces, expected to offset or buffer some of the more challenging dynamics in the classroom. And again, I’m not blaming anyone. I understand that in certain micro-level cases, this might even be the best solution for the group as a whole.

But over time, this becomes a structural feature of the system — not an occasional workaround. And what that means in practice is that the needs of the well-regulated kid, the quiet kid, the academically solid kid, get sidelined. Not maliciously, but inevitably, because there are legal, administrative, and behavioral imperatives that must be prioritized. And once you understand that dynamic, the incentive becomes clear: if you can exit to an environment where most of the families are in that same narrow band — reasonably stable home life, no major learning or behavioral hurdles — the educational experience becomes far more right-sized for your child.

That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to find in public school. But let’s be honest: the systemic incentive structure just doesn’t make that easy. So yeah, for many of us, the exit is not about elitism or snobbery — it’s just a rational response to an environment where our kids’ needs will always come second. And sometimes, third.

+1. This is a big reason why we put our quiet well behaved daughters in private school.

It’s also why I pulled my son out of public for private. He’s wasn’t so quiet or above occasional misbehavior but I wanted him in an environment where the behavioral baseline standard was high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So basically no neurotypical child ever gets “preferential” seating or partners?

Lovely.

I know of a few parents who wanted to keep their kids in public for whatever reason (sports, extracurriculars) who had their children privately assessed for anxiety or stress disorders resulting from this kind of classroom chaos, and were able to receive accommodations.

For most its much more straightforward to go private.