WDYD When Someone Turns Out To Be Looney Tunes?

[Anonymous]

I would worry about him throwing what I said, in her face, when she inevitably blows up at him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she has borderline personality disorder

What does this mean, really? I know people with borderline personality disorder freak out when they feel they are being abandoned -- which tracks with this situation -- but what else? Does it mean they're always very close to the border between mentally well and mentally ill? What does it actually mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about him throwing what I said, in her face, when she inevitably blows up at him

This. Unless the new tenet is a good friend and you can very quietly share your experience as a "just be careful" type of heads up, you say nothing. He didn't ask you for your experience/why you are leaving and this lady is clearly off the rails.

I hired a woman to work with me who also "had a lot of energy" and initially I had a very favorable impression of her, we seemed to have a lot in common. I later realized there was a legit mental illness situation, but for months I thought I might be going insane because her behavior was so off the wall. When I gently called her on some of her behavior she turned on me and went from behaving like she was my best friend to "I'm going to ruin you" level behaviors. Later, when the project ended, other colleagues from other groups starting opening up about their experiences and I realized that everyone had sort of taken a heads down approach to this person since they knew the contract was for a limited time. We had overlap in personal circles and it was really hard not to tell people how cray this person was when they mentioned "oh you are working with so and so that's so cool."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about him throwing what I said, in her face, when she inevitably blows up at him

This. Unless the new tenet is a good friend and you can very quietly share your experience as a "just be careful" type of heads up, you say nothing. He didn't ask you for your experience/why you are leaving and this lady is clearly off the rails.

I hired a woman to work with me who also "had a lot of energy" and initially I had a very favorable impression of her, we seemed to have a lot in common. I later realized there was a legit mental illness situation, but for months I thought I might be going insane because her behavior was so off the wall. When I gently called her on some of her behavior she turned on me and went from behaving like she was my best friend to "I'm going to ruin you" level behaviors. Later, when the project ended, other colleagues from other groups starting opening up about their experiences and I realized that everyone had sort of taken a heads down approach to this person since they knew the contract was for a limited time. We had overlap in personal circles and it was really hard not to tell people how cray this person was when they mentioned "oh you are working with so and so that's so cool."

What kept you from speaking up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle it? In this case it's someone I was splitting office space with. She holds the lease and I was subletting a space and so was one other person. She had a lot of energy when I met her and even though she seemed likeable enough she's the kind of person you just naturally tiptoe around, and feel a general sense of doom whenever she's within earshot. I just kept to my own space and kept things polite. Then the third person left and she lost her mind, exploded all over him until he blocked her on every level. I commiserated with her about what a jerk he was. A month later we both agreed I would not stay. It was mutual; I felt I was paying too much and it wasn't worth it for me and she had found someone to take both spaces for more rent -- and sure enough she again lost her mind. She said I left garbage everywhere and as proof opened an empty desk drawer to show some paper clips, and held up the trash can with a few balled up kleenexes in it. (We had a cleaning service so this was irrelevant.) I'm not joking about the level of pettiness. And she was LIVID about it. Just wild eyed and enraged.

I really think she's mentally ill and was triggered by my moving my things out. Now I wonder if I should tell the new person or just let him find out for himself. How do you handle it when people present as normal and then turn out to be bonkers?

She is out of your life
Block her from calls emails. Texts.