too much to ask camp to keep an eye on friendship (9yo girls)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most I would do is give the camp a heads up that the girls had some conflict at school so they’re aware of the history. I would not ask them to do anything.

This.

[Anonymous]

“My DD was disappointed to see her there”? What a disgusting thing to say. Your child needs to learn to be friendly with everyone. What a horrible little human you’re raising.

[Anonymous]

I would not interject myself if I were you. As a parent, I understand the desire to protect your child. However, your child has to learn to work through these things on their own. They are going to have people they conflict with the rest of their lives and it is important they learn the necessary conflict resolution skills.

As a teacher, please understand that you often are only hearing one side of the story. I can tell you that oftentimes I let the parents tell me things and then disregard. Each year is new and that difficult relationship or behavior often doesn’t show up. If you immediately put this red flag in the air, then you are labeling both children as difficult to the counselors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“My DD was disappointed to see her there”? What a disgusting thing to say. Your child needs to learn to be friendly with everyone. What a horrible little human you’re raising.

This is not disgusting at all. Are kids not allowed to have feelings and be open about them? You don’t like everyone as an adult so why are you holding kids to a higher standard? Especially if they had a mean girl situation from the other girl. You need to realize not everyone is going to be friends all the time. And that is actually OK. It’s about teaching them how to handle the situation and what to do. You don’t want to raise a kid that’s a doormat later. That’s not a healthy way to be.

[Anonymous]

It is five days — let it go. And also, don’t be surprised if they are back to being besties in the next couple of years. The friendship swings are WILD in late elementary and middle school.

And don’t listen to crazy lady who says you have to be friendly with everyone. It is fine to just be polite but try to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“My DD was disappointed to see her there”? What a disgusting thing to say. Your child needs to learn to be friendly with everyone. What a horrible little human you’re raising.

Eh. I can say this about a lot of people. The trick is not to say it out loud to the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“My DD was disappointed to see her there”? What a disgusting thing to say. Your child needs to learn to be friendly with everyone. What a horrible little human you’re raising.

This is not disgusting at all. Are kids not allowed to have feelings and be open about them? You don’t like everyone as an adult so why are you holding kids to a higher standard? Especially if they had a mean girl situation from the other girl. You need to realize not everyone is going to be friends all the time. And that is actually OK. It’s about teaching them how to handle the situation and what to do. You don’t want to raise a kid that’s a doormat later. That’s not a healthy way to be.

I assume anyone promoting the idea that my kid has to be friendly with every other kid no matter what is raising a bully. It's a popular belief in this site for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“My DD was disappointed to see her there”? What a disgusting thing to say. Your child needs to learn to be friendly with everyone. What a horrible little human you’re raising.

This is not disgusting at all. Are kids not allowed to have feelings and be open about them? You don’t like everyone as an adult so why are you holding kids to a higher standard? Especially if they had a mean girl situation from the other girl. You need to realize not everyone is going to be friends all the time. And that is actually OK. It’s about teaching them how to handle the situation and what to do. You don’t want to raise a kid that’s a doormat later. That’s not a healthy way to be.

Totally agree with this. A couple of girls treated DD horribly and to this day she would not be happy to see them. No one has to like everyone. Especially people who have done mean and awful things to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“My DD was disappointed to see her there”? What a disgusting thing to say. Your child needs to learn to be friendly with everyone. What a horrible little human you’re raising.

This is not disgusting at all. Are kids not allowed to have feelings and be open about them? You don’t like everyone as an adult so why are you holding kids to a higher standard? Especially if they had a mean girl situation from the other girl. You need to realize not everyone is going to be friends all the time. And that is actually OK. It’s about teaching them how to handle the situation and what to do. You don’t want to raise a kid that’s a doormat later. That’s not a healthy way to be.

Totally agree with this. A couple of girls treated DD horribly and to this day she would not be happy to see them. No one has to like everyone. Especially people who have done mean and awful things to them.

Not to mention that being disappointed to see someone is not even the same thing as not being friendly (not that she actually has any obligation to be friendly; she should not be rude).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most I would do is give the camp a heads up that the girls had some conflict at school so they’re aware of the history. I would not ask them to do anything.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most I would do is give the camp a heads up that the girls had some conflict at school so they’re aware of the history. I would not ask them to do anything.

Agreed.

+2. If her teacher flagged it for both families, I agree you can flag it for camp, but don't ask them to do anything. Let them decide what to do with the information, if anything.

[Anonymous]

OP back. The first two days of camp have been kind of "meh" for my DD and this girl but I haven't flagged anything for the staff. It sounds a lot like how things were towards the end of the school year (consistent with what my DD and her teacher had been reporting) but it's fine and not having too negative an impact on her day to day enjoyment of camp.

Appreciate all of the replies on both sides --
I think different camps respond differently to these kinds of things. The one DD is at right now errs on the side of overcommunicating and processing feelings and all that, so while I appreciate some of the perspectives about "camp counselors aren't paid to manage feelings" or whatever, I think some actually pride themselves on nurturing positive relationships between kids. This one sure seems to!

Clearly there's no absolute right or wrong answer but my inclination always is to be more passive with intervening in these situations and let it play out and just help my DD navigate from the sidelines, so that's what I've been doing.