What Do You Think?

[Anonymous]

Who cares? If A and B are both happy this is none of anyone else’s business.

[Anonymous]

^^ if I ghosted a good friend then found out they had a deadly illness I likely would ask for forgiveness. Otherwise the residual guilt might eat at me

[Anonymous]

The person dying doesn't need to make time for the person wanting to resume the relationship. And it doesn't need to mean anything. Whatever they feel like doing. They don't have to have a profound reason, one way or another. And the person wishing to reconnect, if they put in some effort but not -much- effort, that might happen and be ok. What might happen might be a small gesture, not a dramatic all is forgiven Hallmark moment.

The dying does not necessarily matter. To the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would it be wrong? It sounds to me that in the face of death, Person A realized that whatever the issue had been with Person B, that issue was less important than their human connection. This seems reasonable and wise to me. I hope, candidly, that Person A has learned a little bit more about what is really important in life from this series of events.

I think it's more like this.

People often let friendships fade when there's potential for long-running static. Like decades of potential minor conflict. With just a few years left on the clock, it's possible to set that aside/muster the energy to cope with it, so that the good parts of the friendship can resume.

I had a friend in high school who was insecure. After a couple years of her being competitive and judgy to me, I cut her dead. Because our friendship was made boring and irritating. The good parts of how smart and interesting she was to talk to were drowned out by her constant comparing of her life to mine. Sometimes I regret this. I'd like to catch up with her purely out of interest. I'm sure she's forgotten me, but I haven't forgotten her. If I found out she was dying, I might reach out to see if we could have a civil conversation or maybe share some life wisdom. Also, frankly I think she is rich now (married wealth) vs. me, so maybe her competitive edge wouldn't emerge in conversation every other minute.

It's complicated to be in a flawed relationship. Many people have flawed marriages and those are central to life. So I don't think it's wrong to resume a friendship under complicated circumstances for complicated reasons.

[Anonymous]

There's never a wrong time to admit you did the wrong thing and ask forgiveness.

If you know you were wrong, clean up. That's the adult thing to do. The person you wronged may or may not forgive you, and they may not wish to reconnect even if they forgive. Admit your wrongdoing and take responsibility for your actions anyway.

Death makes this easier to see sometimes, but it isn't a requirement. You can ask forgiveness as soon as you know you've made a mistake or behaved badly.