What are things people say with the intent to make someone feel better...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You look really tired."

"Are you OK? You look really worried."

I HATE this. I have one colleague who says some variation of this to me regularly, and I am never tired or worried when she says it. I will be walking around having a good day and thinking I look nice that day, and then BOOM: "You look really tired/worried." It ruins my day.

I once asked her what she meant and why she always tells me this, and she said, "Well, you must just have a distressed-looking face."

So I guess if anyone wants an idea for how to passive-aggressively ruin somebody's day and make them feel bad about themselves, put on a voice of concern and tell them they look tired or worried.

I have a friend who used to say this to me all the time. I finally told her that I must look tired to her all the time, and she didn't need to say it. And this was before I had kids!

[Anonymous]

When my son was stillborn one of my friends sent me a message of sympathy but also said that she was going to hug her kids tight tonight.

[Anonymous]

"Don't worry it will happen for you" when I asked to see pictures of her Grandchild. I knew she would like to show me pictures. I suspected my kids would have children, sometime, and make me a Grandmother (and they did) but what an odd thing to say. I wasn't feeling deprived or less-than.

I was showing interest and letting her know I was open to hearing her talk about them. I wasn't jealous.

[Anonymous]

After my kid was diagnosed with a serious illness and possibly facing death, "This will teach you compassion for others," But I don't think the intent was well-meaning. Kid is fine now, grown up. I heard weird comments but most were well-intended and you can tell. Worse was the feeling I had from a few people like they didn't want to get near me/him during that time but I think perhaps it's awkward and people don't know what to say sometimes.

I think it's usually awkward to compliment people on weight loss. It can come out all wrong.

[Anonymous]

"We didn't want you to have to arrive alone." A monthly ladies group going out to dinner, that was the offer to pick me up. Arrive alone, what did they mean by that? I have no hesitation walking into a room without walking in with a group. They'd be there, we'd all sit together. I chuckled at the irony. It was a Chinese restaurant we were going to and I bet they didn't know I had traveled to China alone.

[Anonymous]

"It's really a blessing in disguise"

[Anonymous]

It’s God’s will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s God’s will.

This. Or “everything happens for a reason.”

No. Something are just f%cking awful, and there is no reason for it and I sure as hell hope it’s not God’s plan because then he’s a sadist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I can't imagine what you're going through"

This, to me, is one of the absolute worst things to say to someone going through something difficult. It has always struck me as horrible but people say it all the time.

I’m sure I’ve said something like that (more likely to be “I can only imagine…”) and meant that it was outside of my own personal experience, but I wanted to try to acknowledge the awfulness of what they’re going through. I can see how someone would take it as flippant, though.

The ones that get me are anything involving “god’s plan.” Everything else, I am grateful to take in the spirit offered, but don’t talk to me about god.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Don't worry it will happen for you" when I asked to see pictures of her Grandchild. I knew she would like to show me pictures. I suspected my kids would have children, sometime, and make me a Grandmother (and they did) but what an odd thing to say. I wasn't feeling deprived or less-than.

I was showing interest and letting her know I was open to hearing her talk about them. I wasn't jealous.

What? I said this to my BFF when I was hauling a 2yo and infant in the car and she called me in tears after the latest IVF. I absolutely believed it. She has tween twins now.

[Anonymous]

"When one door closes, another opens"... BS!

[Anonymous]

“I don’t know how you get out of bed after losing him. I would be so heartbroken.”

As if the superhuman effort it took to prioritize and meet the needs of my surviving children was somehow a sign that I wasn’t heartbroken.