No good deed goes unpunished

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be mad at MIL.

She did tell me they were staying but I feel the decent thing to do when you’re staying at someone’s house is to text them the dates.

Well if they weren’t meeting your standards of decency prior to the visit then why did you still let them stay?

I was annoyed but torn to make a thing of it because MIL was just so happy they were visiting because they had not at all since having their baby 3 years ago.

[Anonymous]

This is absolutely insane. And I have no idea why other responders are criticizing you.

I understand that you offered on a general level, but obviously that should require confirmation of dates and information (keys, details etc) on their end?! Particularly when a flight is involved? Are DH and his brother not very close?

If I tell my cousin “hey you guys are welcome to use our vacation condo sometime, it will be empty for a few weeks in July, LMK!” it doesn’t mean just show up without confirming and making specific plans with me! WTH?

And then they were irresponsible with their use of your car, and just left it damaged without saying anything???! That is horrid.

Just wondering: why couldn’t they just stay with MIL?? And also, is MIL of generally sound mind and health? (Because if she is, I would be upset with her as well)

The whole thing is outrageous. DH should call his brother and ask for reimbursement for the damage to the vehicle. At minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They 100% suck. Now you 100% know that and are justified in never offering similarly again, which is understandable. My in-laws all kind of suck but I can’t honestly imagine a scenario in which BIL & SIL do what yours did. Do the brothers not talk??

Exactly, I am not making the effort again. MIL is good to us and helpful, I honestly did it for her but now we are dealing with thousands of dollars in damage and I’m just so regretful I let them stay at our house. I shouldn’t have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is absolutely insane. And I have no idea why other responders are criticizing you.

I understand that you offered on a general level, but obviously that should require confirmation of dates and information (keys, details etc) on their end?! Particularly when a flight is involved? Are DH and his brother not very close?

If I tell my cousin “hey you guys are welcome to use our vacation condo sometime, it will be empty for a few weeks in July, LMK!” it doesn’t mean just show up without confirming and making specific plans with me! WTH?

And then they were irresponsible with their use of your car, and just left it damaged without saying anything???! That is horrid.

Just wondering: why couldn’t they just stay with MIL?? And also, is MIL of generally sound mind and health? (Because if she is, I would be upset with her as well)

The whole thing is outrageous. DH should call his brother and ask for reimbursement for the damage to the vehicle. At minimum.

Yes. we have a second home and I have offered it to other family but not them. I guess I knew deep down they kind of suck with stuff like this. I really only did it for them to visit my MIL but as I said no good deed goes unpunished. But I really didn’t think they could damage much at our primary house. We haven’t been home so there could be more damages they didn’t mention.

He was close with the brother growing up. His brother doesn’t make a ton of effort. It is always us and maybe we just need to stop.

[Anonymous]

They suck, op. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

MIL has a one bedroom apartment. Very small or she would have hosted them. In hindsight I should have just suggested they stay at her apartment and she stays at our house. I can’t go back in time but I’m angry at myself for opening ourselves up to this and I am
annoyed how doing a good thing made us the bad guys.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the ILs sound incompetent. I don't mean that in an insulting way, but now you know they don't know how to operate a car. By all means, let them know the car was badly damaged. Feel free to show them the bill for repairs. They can't pay it, but they'll understand that you're hurt. You will probably be finding random damage to the house over the next few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, the ILs sound incompetent. I don't mean that in an insulting way, but now you know they don't know how to operate a car. By all means, let them know the car was badly damaged. Feel free to show them the bill for repairs. They can't pay it, but they'll understand that you're hurt. You will probably be finding random damage to the house over the next few weeks.

Yes. And this may be the straw that broke the camel’s back and I just won’t make the effort anymore with BIL. He’s just kind of a snob, too cool for school to begin with. I think I just was trying to fix the situation with him not visiting MIL and that wasn’t really my place either. Let him not visit, not my issue.

[Anonymous]

OP,

It's strange that you haven't mentioned what your husband is doing.

If it was my husband, he'd be on the phone with his brother reaming him out as soon as he found out. He would make his life hell until he could extract some sort of apology and repayment. He'd rally all the family to put pressure on that brother, and they would do it because that behavior is unacceptable.

So, what's your husband going to do?

[Anonymous]

I almost feel this is a troll, because the OP is so calm about this bonkers story. Where is the husband in all this? It's his brother, right? Everyone I know, including myself, would be livid right now and raising hell with the perpetrators, if this was our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

It's strange that you haven't mentioned what your husband is doing.

If it was my husband, he'd be on the phone with his brother reaming him out as soon as he found out. He would make his life hell until he could extract some sort of apology and repayment. He'd rally all the family to put pressure on that brother, and they would do it because that behavior is unacceptable.

So, what's your husband going to do?

My husband’s attitude about it is let’s just wait until we get back to assess how bad the damage is but all I can see are $$$$ signs how much this is going to cost us. We have a tow truck coming tomorrow to bring it to the shop and get some quotes. My main anger is over the expense for us and the damage to our car. They could have made some effort when they were there to get it in the shop and not just leave it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost feel this is a troll, because the OP is so calm about this bonkers story. Where is the husband in all this? It's his brother, right? Everyone I know, including myself, would be livid right now and raising hell with the perpetrators, if this was our family.

No, in his bizarre family his MIL is doubling down on defending them which is common and being harsh with me. My BIL is being passive and not owning up to anything. My husband called BIL and confronted him on all of this but BIL was very passive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost feel this is a troll, because the OP is so calm about this bonkers story. Where is the husband in all this? It's his brother, right? Everyone I know, including myself, would be livid right now and raising hell with the perpetrators, if this was our family.

I am not calm, I am in bed crying for the last hour and on the verge of a panic attack because I never want to deal with these people again. Just not my people, always self centered.

[Anonymous]

I'd send a neighbor into my home to assess the damage. Maybe the car isn't that bad. Also, inwoykdnworry about what they hit to cause that damage. Did they hit another car? Cause property damage. If anything comes ofnthis I woukd report them to the police. Your insurance company will make you sign a form to never allow them to operate your vehicle again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd send a neighbor into my home to assess the damage. Maybe the car isn't that bad. Also, inwoykdnworry about what they hit to cause that damage. Did they hit another car? Cause property damage. If anything comes ofnthis I woukd report them to the police. Your insurance company will make you sign a form to never allow them to operate your vehicle again.

They said what happened was that the car electric board just started flashing and they called a tow truck and the car wasn’t set in park and rolled down backwards into another car and has extensive damage from that and that the tow truck also side swiped it causing a major dent and paint damage. The neighbor sent photos of some of the side damage and a tarp covering it so you can’t see it all. They just left the windows down. They could have called us and we would have had to sent to a shop immediately or triple A could come out. No clue why the electric board would be flashing, they said it was a dead battery issue. Again, I wonder if they left it on and the battery died overnight? There’s really no way of knowing and they aren’t being upfront about it. Tomorrow morning it will be towed to a shop.