If you go out for dinner, and you know someone else will end up paying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people that are paying? My MIL likes to pay and she'd be aghast if she thought I was thinking about that cost of an entree. With other people I'd be more careful.

OP here,

I love to cook, and I also have a pretty open door policy for kids, and a flexible schedule. These are people I've had over for dinner a few times, or maybe I did something like taking their kids on a few snowdays, or keeping them for a long weekend so the parents could take a little vacation. They reciprocate by asking me out.

The family my kid goes out with are a family that seems to eat out every weekend. When their kid is at my house, I feed him by cooking. When my kid is at their house, they take him along to the restaurant. He offers to pay but they always refuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean if I was paying (which is usually the case when we go out), I would not care if you ordered something $5-10 more. Now if you ordered something $20 more, or wanted to order $200 bottles of wine, that’s a different thing. But in our case, it’s usually SIL doing this, so I don’t say anything.

And again, by this, I just mean the most expensive thing on the menu. Otherwise, I’m not nickeling and dining if we are treating someone.

[Anonymous]

And where I am a guest, which is rare these days, I order something comparable to the host, both in terms of food and alcohol.

[Anonymous]

In this situation, I’ll order just an app and one glass of wine or a salad and one wine or water. No more. It’s rude to sponge off of someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can order something same price.

You should order a meal comparable to what your hosts are.

Agree, understanding that hosts=adult hosts, not their teenage son.

Correct. And anything "market price" should be avoided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In this situation, I’ll order just an app and one glass of wine or a salad and one wine or water. No more. It’s rude to sponge off of someone else.

Why would it be sponging?

[Anonymous]

I've never followed the "less expensive" thing, but I'd never go crazy and get the most expensive. I'll get what looks good to me, I don't really base it on what other people order ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this situation, I’ll order just an app and one glass of wine or a salad and one wine or water. No more. It’s rude to sponge off of someone else.

Why would it be sponging?

+1. When I invite someone out for a meal, I want them to feel comfortable ordering an appetizer, entree, beverage and dessert. One of my favorite things is watching young people enjoy their meals.

[Anonymous]

You (or your kid, in OP's case) can also ask the hosts for recommendations. They might say, "We usually get the prime rib. Do you eat beef? I really recommend it." Or they might say, "I'm a fan of the pasta primavera," in which case, pick something cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You (or your kid, in OP's case) can also ask the hosts for recommendations. They might say, "We usually get the prime rib. Do you eat beef? I really recommend it." Or they might say, "I'm a fan of the pasta primavera," in which case, pick something cheap.

That just means they lean towards vegetables in their pasta. Order mid-range.

[Anonymous]

I was taught (and taught my kids) to order in line with the hosts. Not necessarily go cheaper, but in the same range. And no “market price” items, no extra courses that the hosts aren’t ordering for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can order something same price.

This.

[Anonymous]

All I ask is that you don't go for several of the most expensive items. There is no need to match what we order, but don't give the impression you're gorging just because you're not paying. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ordering something less than the host is extremely polite. But if I am paying, I am fine with you ordering whatever you want. And if you do order say a $200 bottle of wine, then I will do the same when you offer to host me. And if you do not offer to host, then that is the last time I invite you to dine with me.

We can afford the $200 of wine but I would find that extremely rude of a guest to order that and not invite them again.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

I like your mom’s mannerism.