Targeted with hostility- would prefer invisibility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too many people are damaged now.

It may have nothing to do with you except you don't look threatening

This

[Anonymous]

Statistically, you cannot conclude anything at all. Sorry. I know it's human nature to make associations and theorize, but your sample size is just too small.

I was born in a capital city, have lived in ruralities and suburbs, and for me city life is like this: you're cheek to jowl with a concentration of people, such a concentration that life becomes stressful, and statistically, some interactions will be hostile. It will be more frequent in places that see a high turnover of humans: public transportation waiting/transit areas, dense areas of stores, entrances, pedestrian crossings, etc.

So perhaps one theory is to say that women and minorities will be more frequent targets of hostile behavior, because they represent vulnerable populations that can be scorned without retribution, and that this hostility may be expressed in different ways if the subject looks attractive (unwanted propositions), or doesn't (mean behavior).

But data shows that young males get into the most physical fights, BY FAR, probably due to testosterone and impulsivity.

But these theories are just that - theories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Statistically, you cannot conclude anything at all. Sorry. I know it's human nature to make associations and theorize, but your sample size is just too small.

I was born in a capital city, have lived in ruralities and suburbs, and for me city life is like this: you're cheek to jowl with a concentration of people, such a concentration that life becomes stressful, and statistically, some interactions will be hostile. It will be more frequent in places that see a high turnover of humans: public transportation waiting/transit areas, dense areas of stores, entrances, pedestrian crossings, etc.

So perhaps one theory is to say that women and minorities will be more frequent targets of hostile behavior, because they represent vulnerable populations that can be scorned without retribution, and that this hostility may be expressed in different ways if the subject looks attractive (unwanted propositions), or doesn't (mean behavior).

But data shows that young males get into the most physical fights, BY FAR, probably due to testosterone and impulsivity.

But these theories are just that - theories.

Young males get into the most fights because they are the demographic most likely to be starting them the vast majority of the time.

Of course people (nearly always men) don’t behave this way to males who look like John Cena or the Rock. doing so would put them in significant physical danger. It’s simple bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is general socialized disdain for middle aged women. It really sucks, OP. Sorry you experienced that.

OP and yes that’s it. I’m light skinned too and while I agree that some women did sh!tty rotten things as captured in viral videos leading to “Karen” as an insult, that’s not what’s happening. I’m not being called that, but that as a thing seems to be very broadly misapplied where every middle-aged white or whiteish woman is, forgive me, sus.

My mom isn’t white and she didn’t experience this, from our conversations, but she did more driving and less walking to and fro, my dad did more of the shopping, so maybe there was less opportunity to run into these bastards!

I’m not white and was out and about a lot more as a 20-something and therefore was on the receiving end of a lot of strange comments. Not so much now as a middle aged person.

I sometimes wonder if the women who complain about the hostility/invisibility in middle age got so much praise in youth that it never occurred to them that the world is full of weirdos.

Honestly, it's this. When you're young/pretty, people stay on better behavior because they think they have a chance at getting you into bed. When you're no longer sexually attractive to jerks who perv on young women, the disdain is plain. It's been there all along; they never respected you. They just thought they could get something they wanted if they masked hard enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too many people are damaged now.

It may have nothing to do with you except you don't look threatening

People don't usually treat me this way because my permanent betch face tells them, loudly, that I 100% will clap back, and it doesn't lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too many people are damaged now.

It may have nothing to do with you except you don't look threatening

People don't usually treat me this way because my permanent betch face tells them, loudly, that I 100% will clap back, and it doesn't lie.

Haha, this is me too. I definitely give off don't mess with me vibes. I think it also helps that I am 5'9" so not petite.

[Anonymous]

You are taking this WAY too personally. Yes those guys were aholes but it has nothing to do with you or your age, weight, hair color . . .

Develop thicker skin. The joy of being older now (52) is IDGAF what strangers think of me.

[Anonymous]

It may be as simple as people are in a hurry and you're not. Take the farmer's market example. It's really hard to be patient with a shopper who is just staring at the merchandise and not actively selecting yet is standing right in the middle of the display. I also never look at my grocery list unless I'm standing out of the way. I don't have this problem with guys but my peer group, older women, are the worst hold up.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure the lab tech who drew my blood at the doctor's this week stabbed through the vein on purpose. She had a chip on her shoulder with me (middle aged white woman) that she did not have with either of the men who were in the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure the lab tech who drew my blood at the doctor's this week stabbed through the vein on purpose. She had a chip on her shoulder with me (middle aged white woman) that she did not have with either of the men who were in the room.

Jesus the victim mentality. Perhaps your veins just suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never experienced this. You sound incredibly dramatic

I haven't experienced this much either, but I also chose to live in a "less desirable" and affordable part of the DC metro.

I've noticed that the wealthier to neighborhood, the more obnoxious the behavior, particularly of men.

Where I live I only see if with men driving expensive cars acting like everyone is trying to slow them down while they travel through the area where the "poors" live.

I don't doubt OP has experienced this, if she is walking while appearing middle aged in a wealthier area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may be as simple as people are in a hurry and you're not. Take the farmer's market example. It's really hard to be patient with a shopper who is just staring at the merchandise and not actively selecting yet is standing right in the middle of the display. I also never look at my grocery list unless I'm standing out of the way. I don't have this problem with guys but my peer group, older women, are the worst hold up.

OP again. FWIW, I wasn’t in this a-hole’s way. But I understand what you’re saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is general socialized disdain for middle aged women. It really sucks, OP. Sorry you experienced that.

OP and yes that’s it. I’m light skinned too and while I agree that some women did sh!tty rotten things as captured in viral videos leading to “Karen” as an insult, that’s not what’s happening. I’m not being called that, but that as a thing seems to be very broadly misapplied where every middle-aged white or whiteish woman is, forgive me, sus.

My mom isn’t white and she didn’t experience this, from our conversations, but she did more driving and less walking to and fro, my dad did more of the shopping, so maybe there was less opportunity to run into these bastards!

I’m not white and was out and about a lot more as a 20-something and therefore was on the receiving end of a lot of strange comments. Not so much now as a middle aged person.

I sometimes wonder if the women who complain about the hostility/invisibility in middle age got so much praise in youth that it never occurred to them that the world is full of weirdos.

Honestly, it's this. When you're young/pretty, people stay on better behavior because they think they have a chance at getting you into bed. When you're no longer sexually attractive to jerks who perv on young women, the disdain is plain. It's been there all along; they never respected you. They just thought they could get something they wanted if they masked hard enough.

Very good point-I agree 100 percent.

[Anonymous]

So sorry this happened to you. I would be very upset if this happened to me.

Most recently, I’ve had two older white ladies tell me in a parking lot that I parked too close to their cars. I was clearly in the lines and there was plenty of room… I thought it was so odd. I’m a middle aged minority woman and these women were white and a bit older. The first time it happened I offered to move my car as a kind gesture, even though it was ridiculous bc I wasn’t even close to the line and she declined. Even more ironic bc I hate it when our car gets dinged so I’m always conscious of how close I am to other cars. The second time it happened, I made the other lady look at to the lines and my car clearly within the lines

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure the lab tech who drew my blood at the doctor's this week stabbed through the vein on purpose. She had a chip on her shoulder with me (middle aged white woman) that she did not have with either of the men who were in the room.

Jesus the victim mentality. Perhaps your veins just suck.

Or maybe the med tech went a little power-trippy, as people in that industry often do.

If you've never had a whitecoat exert their privilege in their domain, well, you must be a really healthy person. Report back once you've seen a bit more; this sort of shite happens all. the. time.