DH filed for divorce and is now doing everything possible to drag it out as long as possible

[Anonymous]

If you’re financially comfortable right now then just sit back and let your STBX stew. At some point he’s going to run out of options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there are no kids involved?

Your ex is trying to give you as little money as possible - he doesn’t want to settle. This prolonged legal process is going to be stressful for you but you unfortunately can’t really stop it. When someone is taking the most aggressive stance you cannot resolve things through the tools that you hear about in less high conflict cases (mediation, settlement).

I would consult with your lawyer to understand what their plans are and how they see this unfolding, and better understand their strategy. If you have no urgent issues you need taken care of, then sitting tight and letting your ex run up his own legal bills may be all you can do.

At a certain point though you will need to assess your own legal costs.

The law in my state says he is responsible for my legal bills since he insisted on litigating and is the "monied spouse"

Then do a lot of self-care to work on patience. You are likely to come out of this with an equitable if not advantageous settlement.

Your STBX though he was going to leave you and magically divorce with no hassle. No doubt he has convinced himself that he was justified in cheating and filing for divorce, and is now justifying to himself that you deserve nothing. Judges aren't stupid. The fact that a business valuation has been ordered without you asking for it is an indication that the judge is already onto your ex. At this point, I'd hold out for a better settlement while also telling your attorney to prepare for trial, that you don't want to be the party delaying.

The judge might also be onto the stbx’s lawyer as being a slime bag hired by men trying to hide assets. In any event the judge proactively ordering forensic accounting seems like a good sign about this judge. OP it sounds like you did a lot of due diligence hiring your lawyer. Your ex has a personality problem but you already knew that right?

Interesting point about the judge who is known to be tough on all parties. My lawyer did say the fact that stbx was ordered to pay the full cost of the business valuation was interesting - typically the defendant is also required to pay a portion of that cost, even a nominal amount. One of stbx personality traits is that he will never admit he is wrong about anything big or small, so even if there are neon signs everywhere telling him he hired the wrong lawyer he will just double down, which he has.

He’s probably convinced himself that he can get a more favorable settlement if he is aggressive enough and will just let the lawyer run amok. It must have been somewhat gratifying for you to see him schooled by the judge who actually has the power to tell him he is wrong and ordered the accounting!

I think he knows on some level though he is going to have to pay up. he just doesn’t want to do it without punishing you, and wants to create a narrative where he fought for his rights but the corrupt man hating legal system gave you his money unfairly.

Good luck to his AP lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there are no kids involved?

Your ex is trying to give you as little money as possible - he doesn’t want to settle. This prolonged legal process is going to be stressful for you but you unfortunately can’t really stop it. When someone is taking the most aggressive stance you cannot resolve things through the tools that you hear about in less high conflict cases (mediation, settlement).

I would consult with your lawyer to understand what their plans are and how they see this unfolding, and better understand their strategy. If you have no urgent issues you need taken care of, then sitting tight and letting your ex run up his own legal bills may be all you can do.

At a certain point though you will need to assess your own legal costs.

The law in my state says he is responsible for my legal bills since he insisted on litigating and is the "monied spouse"

Then do a lot of self-care to work on patience. You are likely to come out of this with an equitable if not advantageous settlement.

Your STBX though he was going to leave you and magically divorce with no hassle. No doubt he has convinced himself that he was justified in cheating and filing for divorce, and is now justifying to himself that you deserve nothing. Judges aren't stupid. The fact that a business valuation has been ordered without you asking for it is an indication that the judge is already onto your ex. At this point, I'd hold out for a better settlement while also telling your attorney to prepare for trial, that you don't want to be the party delaying.

The judge might also be onto the stbx’s lawyer as being a slime bag hired by men trying to hide assets. In any event the judge proactively ordering forensic accounting seems like a good sign about this judge. OP it sounds like you did a lot of due diligence hiring your lawyer. Your ex has a personality problem but you already knew that right?

Interesting point about the judge who is known to be tough on all parties. My lawyer did say the fact that stbx was ordered to pay the full cost of the business valuation was interesting - typically the defendant is also required to pay a portion of that cost, even a nominal amount. One of stbx personality traits is that he will never admit he is wrong about anything big or small, so even if there are neon signs everywhere telling him he hired the wrong lawyer he will just double down, which he has.

He’s probably convinced himself that he can get a more favorable settlement if he is aggressive enough and will just let the lawyer run amok. It must have been somewhat gratifying for you to see him schooled by the judge who actually has the power to tell him he is wrong and ordered the accounting!

I think he knows on some level though he is going to have to pay up. he just doesn’t want to do it without punishing you, and wants to create a narrative where he fought for his rights but the corrupt man hating legal system gave you his money unfairly.

Good luck to his AP lol.

He conveniently omits the part of the narrative where our real estate, which is a significant asset, was purchased with my inheritance, during the marriage so it's a marital asset, and I'm not fighting him on this. I knew he could be an ass I just didn't realize he was actually really stupid as well. At least I own my poor judgment.

[Anonymous]

You absolutely deserve a settlement on his business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely deserve a settlement on his business

Well now I believe I do but when he first filed I honestly didn't care and just wanted to get the divorce over with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely deserve a settlement on his business

Well now I believe I do but when he first filed I honestly didn't care and just wanted to get the divorce over with.

You take that fool for a ride. He deserves the worst and I hope you give it to him.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is in the FO phase. No wonder he’s dragging his feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely deserve a settlement on his business

Well now I believe I do but when he first filed I honestly didn't care and just wanted to get the divorce over with.

Please revisit that now OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely deserve a settlement on his business

Well now I believe I do but when he first filed I honestly didn't care and just wanted to get the divorce over with.

Please revisit that now OP.

lol... I did come to my senses. It would have been so much easier for him if he had just agreed to my low conflict request for a quick settlement.

[Anonymous]

If the divorce is official then he’s out of excuses to marry the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want to give you money amd he doesn't want to marry AP lol. No incentive for him to take care of this.

You have no kids? You're good. You have to sweat through this, but when you're done, you're done forever and what a great feeling that will be.

This.

[Anonymous]

I like now not even our resident MRAs are coming for OP in this one.

OP I’m enjoying the vision of you just sitting back and sipping a martini while your lawyer (who your ex will pay for) gets you the mountain of money you deserve while your DH gives himself an ulcer scheming with his sleaze bag lawyer and wasting event more on attorneys fees.

I hope you enjoy the fabulous vacation you’re going to take when this is sorted out.

[Anonymous]

Did your DH suffer a mental health crisis? He’s certainly acting like it.

[Anonymous]

Stop concerning yourself with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop concerning yourself with him.

I'm sorry he apparently doesn't want to marry you, boo.