Do you want xyz?…then get it yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother did dances like this. She also did it later on and even if you said no there was a dance. She'd insist, then not do it and tell you to do it yourself.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

I'm kind of doing this with my teens now. They're so used to having mom do everything that they don't even think of doing something simple -- like getting water -- themselves. There is a lot of resistance. It's difficult to get the kids to transition from kids (who expect everything done for them) to adolescents with some responsibilities. There is a lot of pushback. It looks like your mom felt like a servant since you were just sitting around and waited to be waited on. At what age did you start getting your own drink and putting helmet on yourself without mom having to say anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of doing this with my teens now. They're so used to having mom do everything that they don't even think of doing something simple -- like getting water -- themselves. There is a lot of resistance. It's difficult to get the kids to transition from kids (who expect everything done for them) to adolescents with some responsibilities. There is a lot of pushback. It looks like your mom felt like a servant since you were just sitting around and waited to be waited on. At what age did you start getting your own drink and putting helmet on yourself without mom having to say anything?

The important difference is that you don't ask them if they want something first, right? It is fine to tell an older child to get something for themselves that they ask you for as long as they have access to it and really can put on the item independently. Otherwise you are being cruel.

[Anonymous]

That’s strange behavior.

[Anonymous]

So she taught you how to do things, and no use her as a servant? She must have had some hang-up; she was sick and tired of serving people.
I wish I had done it with my kids. It seems you still haven't learnt the lesson to be self-reliant.

[Anonymous]

She's trying to help you attain enlightenment by ridding your earthly body of wants and desires

[Anonymous]

Your mom was the ahole

[Anonymous]

We're doing this with our youngest in order to get him to think more about what he needs and be more self-reliant. Our older kids are proactive and independent, but our youngest is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're doing this with our youngest in order to get him to think more about what he needs and be more self-reliant. Our older kids are proactive and independent, but our youngest is not.

I don't know how you phrase it so general comment. Isn't it better to say something like "do you think this would be a good time to get yourself a glass of water? " instead of asking them if they want water, then saying get it yourself? Most people take asking them if they want something to be an offer to get it.

[Anonymous]

Your mom’s delivery was clunky for sure, but it seems like she was trying to teach you to think about your needs. Was that part successful?

Lots of our parents were rough around the edges based on modern standards. Do you think she loved you?