Only acquaintances in high school but found good friends in college?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Our kid just finished first year at UVA. Have hope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid like yours and they are still in the process of making friends in college as a freshman. It is getting better with time. Ironically I think not having super close friends in HS makes a college transition somewhat easier in many ways as they are used to finding their own way a bit. One major advantage of college is students tend to pursue their interests versus just keeping up with the crowd in HS so your son may be more likely to make genuine interest based friendships.

One suggestion I have (based on experience) is refrain from talking about how great college is and how you met your best friends there, etc. Maybe talk about how it will take time to get to know people and clubs/campus jobs are a great way to do that.

During move in, explore the campus with him and find a couple hang out spots on campus so he knows where he can go to get out of his dorm if he's by himself. And maybe plan to attend parents weekend or a sporting event, during the fall.

Good luck to your student!!

This is all great.
Last summer, before college, I did ask family to stop saying “you’ll find your people” and “it will be the best time of your life.” That’s a lot of pressure! She ended up having a great second semester but there were ups and downs. Social media also makes it tough with all the “this is my group” pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid like yours and they are still in the process of making friends in college as a freshman. It is getting better with time. Ironically I think not having super close friends in HS makes a college transition somewhat easier in many ways as they are used to finding their own way a bit. One major advantage of college is students tend to pursue their interests versus just keeping up with the crowd in HS so your son may be more likely to make genuine interest based friendships.

One suggestion I have (based on experience) is refrain from talking about how great college is and how you met your best friends there, etc. Maybe talk about how it will take time to get to know people and clubs/campus jobs are a great way to do that.

During move in, explore the campus with him and find a couple hang out spots on campus so he knows where he can go to get out of his dorm if he's by himself. And maybe plan to attend parents weekend or a sporting event, during the fall.

Good luck to your student!!

This is all great.
Last summer, before college, I did ask family to stop saying “you’ll find your people” and “it will be the best time of your life.” That’s a lot of pressure! She ended up having a great second semester but there were ups and downs. Social media also makes it tough with all the “this is my group” pressure.

+1 Social media and family/friends definitely contribute to unrealistic expectations about “finding your people” at college. It just doesn’t happen that quickly and easily for many people. There are so many variables. Being in a sport or joining a fraternity/sorority can accelerate the process. I encouraged my kid to research a couple noncompetitive club opportunities before he got to campus and to be open to getting to know people outside their immediate dorm/clubs/classes circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a son who didn't really find a close peer group in high school but then in college found close friends?

Son has some not so close mainly girls he occasionally does things with but isn’t part of the main group. Same with boys -talks to kids at school, showed me yearbook and other seniors said some nice things but he never had a best friend or guy group. He used to be sporty but was injured in 9th grade, he isn’t awkward but more of a listener than a talker. He also doesn’t party.

Send him to Vassar.

[Anonymous]

My DD who didn’t have a lot of friends in HS just finished her freshman year of college. It’s been slow, she’s made one good friend so that’s good. Hoping that sophomore year will be better and she blossoms some more.
I myself experienced this when I went to college, was very lonely in HS and matured and changed a lot freshman year of college, made friends more easily so I’m holding onto hope for DD.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the positive replies. I realize sometimes making friends can be what repeated opportunities you have- if you get randomly assigned a dormmate you click with or the person who lives down the hall in your dorm is in one of your classes. For some kids they are outgoing and make friends easily. But for my son I am encouraging to get out of his comfort zone and take those opportunities to join clubs and activities and be the one to suggest an activity. Just wanted to hear if things like this worked for kids sho didnt have best friends/ close friend group in high school

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. My son had a few friends in HS but not a real group, and at college he has a very solid and tight knit group of friends. They largely met through their program of study at a 15,000 person university.

One thing that really helped, I think, was the realization he should go to a larger school versus a 2,000 person school. He's a unique guy - not into sports and rah-rah, but also not super studious and intellectual. Not a partier. He loves to have goofy fun...and he found those people at his school. Not sure he would've found them at a smaller school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a son who didn't really find a close peer group in high school but then in college found close friends?

Son has some not so close mainly girls he occasionally does things with but isn’t part of the main group. Same with boys -talks to kids at school, showed me yearbook and other seniors said some nice things but he never had a best friend or guy group. He used to be sporty but was injured in 9th grade, he isn’t awkward but more of a listener than a talker. He also doesn’t party.

Both my boys found their friend group in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the positive replies. I realize sometimes making friends can be what repeated opportunities you have- if you get randomly assigned a dormmate you click with or the person who lives down the hall in your dorm is in one of your classes. For some kids they are outgoing and make friends easily. But for my son I am encouraging to get out of his comfort zone and take those opportunities to join clubs and activities and be the one to suggest an activity. Just wanted to hear if things like this worked for kids sho didnt have best friends/ close friend group in high school

I’m a PP. yes, our student really put herself out there and joined several groups. We were surprised that her hall didn’t do anything as a group, even at the beginning, nor did kids keep their spots open. We expected she would meet some kids that way.
But yes, gotta join the groups. Go to lunch after class with someone. Give rush a try? Several of her friends joined service groups.

[Anonymous]

*Doors not spots

[Anonymous]

For all the people who posted these success stories, what size college is your child attending? Did they find friends in their dorm, club, team...?

[Anonymous]

He needs to join a fraternity.

[Anonymous]

Yes! My son was kind of a loner in high school. Covid didn’t help. Then fall of his sophomore year, he said he wanted to invite 12 friends out for his birthday dinner! We couldn’t say no. We made sure to find a mid-priced Italian restaurant that served family style. It still cost a lot but was worth it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the people who posted these success stories, what size college is your child attending? Did they find friends in their dorm, club, team...?

I'm a PP; my kid is at a school with 15,000+ undergrads. He found friends through orientation, his classes, clubs, and his dorm, then met friends of those kids and his group expanded. Now he's got about a close friend group of 10-12 and a few individual friends he socializes with periodically. Agree with PPs who recommend your kids get an early start on joining clubs, sports, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the people who posted these success stories, what size college is your child attending? Did they find friends in their dorm, club, team...?

Kid went to an ivy and found many more friends in the first few months that they could relate to than all of their high school (only 2 close friends in HS). Many of the new friends expressed the same.