Concerned about my 11yo son. Does this sound like a disorder of some type? Developmental?

[Anonymous]

The thing about "stepping in" is that is an effect of his deficit, not a cause. No one steps in when a kid can do it, they step in when they see him struggling and it's taking too long.

Getting an evaluation will help you pin point the problems, which leads to targeted interventions to help him learn to be more self-sufficient in a way that works for his body. He likely will need to be taught his own way to do things that come naturally to other kids. So just stepping back and letting him flounder and figure it out is not the best course of action (and can be psychologically detrimental).

[Anonymous]

Our insurance doesn't require referrals for specialists- double check yours, but if it does, have you tried asking for a referral outright? As in "please give me a referral to a neurologist." Even if our ped thought I was nuts, they wouldn't hesitate to give us that option.

[Anonymous]

Neuropsych probably won't be covered by insurance, but neurologist would be

[Anonymous]

Another provider that you could see instead of neurology is pediatric PM&R, especially if motor planning, coordination, etc. are lacking. Did he meet his milestones on time? Has he always had difficulties with scissors? How is his handwriting? Does he play any sports? Did it take him awhile to figure out which of his hands was dominant? Has he had any issues with speech other than the potential selective mutism? Those things could suggest dyspraxia/developmental coordination disorder.

[Anonymous]

Sounds a lot like learned helplessness. Maybe some auditory processing/motor issues but difficult to say from the examples. Some signs of learned helplessness are standing around waiting for instruction, looking aloof, not knowing how to do things, not doing things despite having the capability to do them, not asking for help, general lack of effort, asking the same question each day (especially at the beginning of a routine), etc.

You can eliminate this by taking the summer go completely screen free and keep him engaged the entire time. Get him helping you with everything around the house. Cooking, cleaning, yard work, gardening, repairs, shopping, budgeting, etc. Get him some physical hobbies like swimming, hockey, basketball, etc. Also get some fine motor things like board games, puzzles, painting, cutting activities, craft kits, etc. Keep him constantly engaged and learning.

Now during this summer don’t do anything for him. Show him how to do it one time and let him fail and learn. This goes for everything from changing a lightbulb to making brownies. Your job is to teach without doing it for him and to pay attention to where he is struggling and where he is quick to learn and adapt.

Also focus on giving instructions and pay attention to how he responds. Can he follow written instructions better than verbal instructions? Teach him to say I don’t know or can you show me how if he doesn’t understand. If you show him make him do it himself still. Ex he’s cutting the icing wrong say here let me show you. Then get another icing packet and make him do it. Next time he goes to get icing watch him but don’t intervene. If he’s doing it wrong say remember, like I showed you then show him but don’t cut. Then hand it to him and he does it. Next time watch and he should have it. If he doesn’t grab a pair of scissors and model it simultaneously. Ex If he stares at you when asked to turn off the light walk over and show him. 5 minutes later ask him to do it again. At 11 he should not need to be shown more than 2-3 times. If he does then you might have a concern. If he’s not getting it try to figure out if it’s motor skills or compliance or lack of practice or auditory processing.

If by the end of summer you still have the same problems then you evaluate in those areas, otherwise it was probably learned helplessness.

Take notes every day and show your results and progression to a developmental pediatrician. Improvement, or lack thereof, can be indicative of issues just as much as an eval. I’d also push for the school to provide SLP, OT, PT evals as part of the IEP process and make sure auditory processing is part of that. Know your rights when it comes to evals- check wrightslaw website.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like autism or some less common condition that would be called autism today anyway. Write down all you can remember about is performance progression over the past 8 years, and bring it to neuropsych evaluation.

If you gave not yet, make a much stricter routine (not for discipline, but to make the behavior patterns easier to learn) for everything in daily life. Same way every day, and see if that helps him learn to complete tasks in a reasonable way.


But also, when you’re a kid, pants over pjs isn’t a weird choice, especially if dressing is challenging due to fine motor skilll deficiencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like autism or some less common condition that would be called autism today anyway. Write down all you can remember about is performance progression over the past 8 years, and bring it to neuropsych evaluation.

If you gave not yet, make a much stricter routine (not for discipline, but to make the behavior patterns easier to learn) for everything in daily life. Same way every day, and see if that helps him learn to complete tasks in a reasonable way.


But also, when you’re a kid, pants over pjs isn’t a weird choice, especially if dressing is challenging due to fine motor skilll deficiencies.

I don’t see nearly enough information provided here for you to determine ASD. Clearly you’re making things up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an OT evaluation would be helpful, as there may be some low tone or dyspraxia at play. Middle school is a big jump socially, so I wouldn't rule out a full neuropsych or at least a speech and language evaluation as some of these behaviors suggest a receptive language based issue.

Yes this! Sounds sensory based with difficulty motor planning (a subset of sensory processing disorder). Check out Lucy Jane millers website (STAR institute) I believe it is. They have a lot of parent education that might help

[Anonymous]

DC had selective mutism and found out at 9, maybe also slow processing, but was unable to get any school accommodation, since no academic difficulty at school. Had therapy for few months then stopped since it didn’t work. DC had always been very quiet and still is, but since there’s no support nor accommodation of any sort, he had to start speak up for his needs at school, and it’s getting better. He had no friends for nearly 4 years, but after made friend then got to know few more, he seemed a lot happier. He’s good at certain ECs, and those give DC confidence. If everyone says your DC’s fine, make sure it’s not a health issue ( physically), then maybe work on something your own to build his independence and confidence.

[jsteele]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1274726.page#30087142