I think my husband may be attracted to my neighbor and stepmom or vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh god I dated a guy JUST like this in my twenties. He was SUCH a mindf*ck. Luckily I realized I did not like the dynamic and broke up after a year. At which point he slept with one of the women who he'd had this dynamic with - but then dumped her a couple months later.

So many people around me thought he was the GREATEST guy.

OP, was there any sign of this when you were dating? Did he not flirt with other girls at parties? (mine would) Or would you be walking up to a party and he'd be being a dick to you and then you'd walk into the house and he would turn into Mr Charm? (mind would)

Hit send too soon.

Anyway OP, I don't know if he can change. I don't know how much you like him otherwise or whether you want to stay with him for other reasons. But I sure as hell am glad I got out of this situation. He tried to make me feel like I was CRAZY for not being ok with the dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Flirting with a woman when married is a choice. Flirting with a woman in FRONT OF YOU when married is an additional choice. Flirting with YOUR RELATIVE in front of you is a deliberate choice made to humiliate you. Trust your instincts. I'm not sure if counseling is something you want to do with someone who goes out of his way to make you feel small, but you have to go with your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person here who thinks this is normal, and OP is overreacting and making issues where there are none with the neighbor and stepmom?

I think the dinner incident is a way bigger red flag but I think how he behaves to others gives context too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person here who thinks this is normal, and OP is overreacting and making issues where there are none with the neighbor and stepmom?

Nope.

[Anonymous]

the only thing i see wrong with his behavior is the neighbor that might be an issue potentially.

But yeah there are issues in this marriage and the neighbor and stepmom aren't the problem.

i don't think either op or her husband have respect for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:nervous that my husband is attracted to my stepmom and neighbor.

Please be kind. I'm not sure if my husband realizes it himself. Between all my female relatives and or friends, my husband seems to gravitate to our neighbor and my stepmom and he is very friendly. When my stepmom visits, my husband and stepmom spend a lot of time together either having long conversations, doing puzzles, etc. The other night my husband put on some music and my stepmom was standing next to him, dancing and drinking wine while he was doing the dishes instead of sitting with my Dad when he was alone in the other room, and my husband was refilling my stepmoms wineglass but didn't offer me any.

On occasion, my stepmom has said some flirty phrases to my husband like "oh you're so bad!" and will interrupt our conversation to say "don't fight or argue" if I'm slightly critical of my husband.

My husband is overly kind to my neighbor and with her kids. Her husband is military and occasionally away. He offers to walk her dog or watch her kids so she can "have a break"; and seems to light up when she's around. I don't think he realizes it.

What hurts the most is my husband is openly critical of me in front of others. He will easily criticize or make comments or make subtle joke at my expense. He does not extend the same kindness towards me as he does to other women in public is we’re hosting or just out and about. We were making dinner last night for my parents and my husband had a particularly large pot of spaghetti that he was draining. He asked me to hold the colander and said he needs to drain “the last bit of water out”; I assumed most of the water had drained and he didn’t need to dump the entire pot. I was holding the colander with one hand when my husband dumped the entire spaghetti and I didn’t have a strong hold and dropped the colander because the water was hot and pouring fast and I felt the heat and water splashing on my wrist and drew my hand back quickly because I felt a burning sensation on my skin.

The spaghetti dropped in the sink. My husband didn’t check in with me to see if I was ok, he just stared at me with a critical look like “why did you do that?”; didn’t offer to recook the spaghetti. I was just embarrassed and hurt that be didn’t seem to care that he almost burned me with hot water and was more angry that half of the noodles got in the sink.

I took a second and pretended I had to go bring the dog inside, when I got inside my husband was cold and whispered to me “you’re very rude.”

He’s just not kind to me at all. I may be overreacting because he shows other women kindness that he doesn’t extend to me at all.

what does "please be kind" mean? People are starting to use that word a lot and I don't get it as a command. I see it make sense in the perfunctuory "oh that was so kind of you" when getting a gift, but beyond that, I don't understand.

Don’t be harsh
Don’t judge
Have empathy
Be understanding

Don't you think telling people to not do these things is insulting? Actually, isn't it just better to assume that people are just speaking their minds, and not being "harsh" or"judging"? And regarding empathy, I guess that and understanding are the same thing--which is pretty much built into online communication in which we are speaking the same languge. You are writing in English, so what you are saying is clear, so assume "understanding" is assumed.

I hear ya’ - Not so deep.

Seems OP is simply asking for folks to give her and her situation she sharing some grace & understanding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person here who thinks this is normal, and OP is overreacting and making issues where there are none with the neighbor and stepmom?

I think the dinner incident is a way bigger red flag but I think how he behaves to others gives context too.

I think the colander thing was weird. Even if OP was a totally dumb-dumb, a caring spouse would feel bad if they burned their spouse.

[Anonymous]

1- Talk to your Dad and tell him his wife is flirting with your husband. He needs to know. He is your Dad and you need to protect him from that woman.

2- Contact a divorce lawyer and start the process.

3- Tell your husband that you are filing for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person here who thinks this is normal, and OP is overreacting and making issues where there are none with the neighbor and stepmom?

I think the dinner incident is a way bigger red flag but I think how he behaves to others gives context too.

I think the colander thing was weird. Even if OP was a totally dumb-dumb, a caring spouse would feel bad if they burned their spouse.

He didn't burn her. It was accident or the unfortunate consequence of op's carelessness. Sure he could have showed more concern, but I suspect op does stuff like this all the time and takes no responsibility for it. Like how it's okay for her to belittle her husband in front of others but then she's surprised when he's not loving towards her.


There are issues in this marriage and neither are blameless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person here who thinks this is normal, and OP is overreacting and making issues where there are none with the neighbor and stepmom?

I think the dinner incident is a way bigger red flag but I think how he behaves to others gives context too.

I think the colander thing was weird. Even if OP was a totally dumb-dumb, a caring spouse would feel bad if they burned their spouse.

He didn't burn her. It was accident or the unfortunate consequence of op's carelessness. Sure he could have showed more concern, but I suspect op does stuff like this all the time and takes no responsibility for it. Like how it's okay for her to belittle her husband in front of others but then she's surprised when he's not loving towards her.


There are issues in this marriage and neither are blameless.

I cannot imagine this happening in my house and not encouraging the other spouse to run their hand under cold water and saying “are you ok?” I suspect we are ordinary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person here who thinks this is normal, and OP is overreacting and making issues where there are none with the neighbor and stepmom?

There would be no issues if the husband treated OP decently. Of course she’s going to be upset when he fawns over other women but is hostile and contemptuous towards his own wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:nervous that my husband is attracted to my stepmom and neighbor.

Please be kind. I'm not sure if my husband realizes it himself. Between all my female relatives and or friends, my husband seems to gravitate to our neighbor and my stepmom and he is very friendly. When my stepmom visits, my husband and stepmom spend a lot of time together either having long conversations, doing puzzles, etc. The other night my husband put on some music and my stepmom was standing next to him, dancing and drinking wine while he was doing the dishes instead of sitting with my Dad when he was alone in the other room, and my husband was refilling my stepmoms wineglass but didn't offer me any.

On occasion, my stepmom has said some flirty phrases to my husband like "oh you're so bad!" and will interrupt our conversation to say "don't fight or argue" if I'm slightly critical of my husband.

My husband is overly kind to my neighbor and with her kids. Her husband is military and occasionally away. He offers to walk her dog or watch her kids so she can "have a break"; and seems to light up when she's around. I don't think he realizes it.

What hurts the most is my husband is openly critical of me in front of others. He will easily criticize or make comments or make subtle joke at my expense. He does not extend the same kindness towards me as he does to other women in public is we’re hosting or just out and about. We were making dinner last night for my parents and my husband had a particularly large pot of spaghetti that he was draining. He asked me to hold the colander and said he needs to drain “the last bit of water out”; I assumed most of the water had drained and he didn’t need to dump the entire pot. I was holding the colander with one hand when my husband dumped the entire spaghetti and I didn’t have a strong hold and dropped the colander because the water was hot and pouring fast and I felt the heat and water splashing on my wrist and drew my hand back quickly because I felt a burning sensation on my skin.

The spaghetti dropped in the sink. My husband didn’t check in with me to see if I was ok, he just stared at me with a critical look like “why did you do that?”; didn’t offer to recook the spaghetti. I was just embarrassed and hurt that be didn’t seem to care that he almost burned me with hot water and was more angry that half of the noodles got in the sink.

I took a second and pretended I had to go bring the dog inside, when I got inside my husband was cold and whispered to me “you’re very rude.”

He’s just not kind to me at all. I may be overreacting because he shows other women kindness that he doesn’t extend to me at all.

what does "please be kind" mean? People are starting to use that word a lot and I don't get it as a command. I see it make sense in the perfunctuory "oh that was so kind of you" when getting a gift, but beyond that, I don't understand.

Are you new to DCUM? Many posters are notoriously harsh and unkind.

[Anonymous]

What jerk would ask a loved one to hold a colander that they’re about to dump scalding water into? I make pasta all the time, set the colander on the sink before dumping the pasta in to drain, and tell my kids to steer clear of the entire sink area. I’d never think of asking another human (let alone one I love) to stick their hands in there.

[Anonymous]

No you are definitely NOT overreacting here OP‼️

Your husband is acting like a fool around these women & he needs to end his flirtatious behavior stat.

If he chooses to continue w/his coquettish ways then he can do so later on when he finds himself a single man.

Right??!

[Anonymous]

+1