How do you tell friends you no longer drink?

[Anonymous]

Serious question (I am not American, so may be cultural difference), do you have to specify that you quit drinking for good? The reason I am asking is that while I didn’t quit, I drink only when I feel like it, and that is usually once in a few months. The other times I say “no, thanks” and no one ever questioned it here in US. Do people really start pressuring you when you say no and don’t stop until you provide a medical or a philosophical reason for not drinking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No big a-ha moment or disaster; it just isn't working for me anymore - messy sleep, hangovers, empty calories, not worth it.
I have some friends who love their cocktails and dinner parties with wine courses. They're good friends - I don't worry about feeling judged so much as sort of being a wet blanket...and also I don't want to play coy and claim some excuse. Anyone who's BTDT, how did you "come out" as a non-drinker to friends?

Say exactly those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No big a-ha moment or disaster; it just isn't working for me anymore - messy sleep, hangovers, empty calories, not worth it.
I have some friends who love their cocktails and dinner parties with wine courses. They're good friends - I don't worry about feeling judged so much as sort of being a wet blanket...and also I don't want to play coy and claim some excuse. Anyone who's BTDT, how did you "come out" as a non-drinker to friends?

I stopped drinking in Jan bc I feel better without it and without dessert foods. I choose to not drink one day at a time not bc I have a problem. I just say I’m not drinking today. I don’t care what they think too much. I doubt they care. If they want to go to a distillery or something they wouldn’t likely invite me and I wouldn’t really want to go.

[Anonymous]

It's not a big deal. Especially if you are in your 40s. Many of us don't drink or barely drink for a variety of reasons.

[Anonymous]

A friend recently said before a dinner out “just a heads up that I stopped drinking. I realize I feel better without it”. I asked if everything was ok and if there was any more she wanted to tell us, and if she was ok with some of us ordering drinks. Then we all moved on and went out and had a good time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not a big deal. Especially if you are in your 40s. Many of us don't drink or barely drink for a variety of reasons.

This. Nobody is a wet blanket. Same with coffee, lots of people switch to decaf only in their 40s. They aren't seen as wet blankets either, as long as they don't opt out of social events with friends.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I quit drinking because it makes me feel like sh-t the next day.

thats what I say. It's no big deal at all.

Same except it's more like 2-3 days. Just not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question (I am not American, so may be cultural difference), do you have to specify that you quit drinking for good? The reason I am asking is that while I didn’t quit, I drink only when I feel like it, and that is usually once in a few months. The other times I say “no, thanks” and no one ever questioned it here in US. Do people really start pressuring you when you say no and don’t stop until you provide a medical or a philosophical reason for not drinking?

No, they don't. But a recurring theme on DCUM has been some posters being very afraid of getting shamed by their long-time friends, with whom they have a drinking history. It's not actually the norm, but apparently some circles of dumb alcoholics do this to each other.

[Anonymous]

Be honest - nobody has actually asked me about it, but if they asked, I would say "I feel awful the next day after I drink, I hate getting old"

[Anonymous]

"I no longer drink."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question (I am not American, so may be cultural difference), do you have to specify that you quit drinking for good? The reason I am asking is that while I didn’t quit, I drink only when I feel like it, and that is usually once in a few months. The other times I say “no, thanks” and no one ever questioned it here in US. Do people really start pressuring you when you say no and don’t stop until you provide a medical or a philosophical reason for not drinking?

This is a great question and the answer is no you don’t have to specify you quit drinking. I’ve not had alcohol for over 12 years now. I rarely bring it up. When someone asks me what I’d like to drink when I’m out, I just say “water” or whatever I want.

[Anonymous]

I joke that I retired. You don’t need to give a reason…nobody really cares, and if they do it says more about them than you. I definitely don’t go into detail because no one wants to hear it.

[Anonymous]

"I stopped drinking, it doesn't make me feel great."

How is this hard, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP you’re worried about being a wet blanket. Does that mean you usually get buzzed at these events, and now that you won’t be you think you’ll be less fun? Hopefully your friends are secure enough to not care what you’re doing, and they like you whether or not you’re buzzed.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I would NOT saying anything that implies that I "QUIT" drinking. Why make it so "final" so that if you do have a drink in the future, you'll have to ask how to explain that. If you are are going out with friends, just say...I don't want to feel like crap tomorrow. I'm not drinking tonight. If not with friends, then you don't have have to explain anything. You can just say, I'm not drinking tonight. I'll have a [whatever].