Are friendly people more confident? How can you fake it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk, I think confidence is a complex thing. I know people with very low self-esteem who are in bad relationships/have their own big issues who are socially dazzling and fun. Meanwhile, the quiet woman at the party might have a great private life and enriching personal hobbies that simply don't include socializing.

+1 I was the belle of the ball when I was younger. I was also a hot mess.

The beautiful, popular people aren't always acing life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, you can develop it. I’m able to do it, despite having social anxiety.

What I learned to do:

1. Vary the pitch, cadence, and tone of your speech. I have to consciously do this because I get monotone from the anxiety.

2. Imagine a character or person you know and act like them. I have a specific movie character I pretend to be.

3. Honestly you can get through 90% of a conversation just by repeating the last few words a person says. Example:

Larla: I’m so tired, I barely slept last night!
You: oh no! You barely slept last night?
Larla: yea the baby was kicking me in the ribs all night
You: kicking you in the ribs, omg, I remember those days!
Larla: yea, and then she was ready to party at 3am
You: Oh man, she’s up partying at 3am?
Larla: yup, I don’t even know how I’m functioning right now
You: well you look great! Tell me your secret, how ARE you functioning because I can’t even tell you were up all night!
Larla: Coffee, just lots and lots of coffee.

This is brilliant, lol. I can’t wait to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup, you can develop it. I’m able to do it, despite having social anxiety.

What I learned to do:

1. Vary the pitch, cadence, and tone of your speech. I have to consciously do this because I get monotone from the anxiety.

2. Imagine a character or person you know and act like them. I have a specific movie character I pretend to be.

3. Honestly you can get through 90% of a conversation just by repeating the last few words a person says. Example:

Larla: I’m so tired, I barely slept last night!
You: oh no! You barely slept last night?
Larla: yea the baby was kicking me in the ribs all night
You: kicking you in the ribs, omg, I remember those days!
Larla: yea, and then she was ready to party at 3am
You: Oh man, she’s up partying at 3am?
Larla: yup, I don’t even know how I’m functioning right now
You: well you look great! Tell me your secret, how ARE you functioning because I can’t even tell you were up all night!
Larla: Coffee, just lots and lots of coffee.

This is brilliant, lol. I can’t wait to try.

+1. I love this. Will you share which movie character inspires you. I’m so curious to know.

[Anonymous]

It is. I did a couple of Time Left dinners to help me talk to strangers. In every situation, I have pre-queued several topics I am resdy ti ask and talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk, I think confidence is a complex thing. I know people with very low self-esteem who are in bad relationships/have their own big issues who are socially dazzling and fun. Meanwhile, the quiet woman at the party might have a great private life and enriching personal hobbies that simply don't include socializing.

+1. I know several women like this who are very insecure. I wouldn’t want to trade places with them to be more extroverted.

[Anonymous]

I can talk to people I know. However, the challenge for me is making new connections when people are moving around and having short conversations.