Did you “lose your faith” or stop being religious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic, altar server and all that. Around 16 I was definitely questioning my faith, so much felt hypocritical. By 18 was no longer a Catholic believer. I'm 39 and I'd say I'm more agnostic than anything else. I have my certain beliefs that are kind of a mishmash of things from various religions and cultures.

There was no turmoil for me or guilt. A lot of the Catholic beliefs just did not align with my own beliefs and values. And like I said, a lot of it felt hypocritical to me. Love thy neighbor....unless they are gay.

The change in my beliefs pretty much had zero impact on my life. My parents were understanding. I didn't have friends tied to the church. I view it as a completely neutral part of my life. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it just happened.

Thanks. I understand that you're no longer Catholic. Have you regularly attended any church? If you have kids, how are you raising them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always had doubts and questions, but believed because that's what you're supposed to do.

Then I took a "Religion 101" class in college (taught by a practicing minister), and it clicked - ALL of it is so obviously made by up by humans. It's let myself accept the doubts and it was crystal clear. That was 25 years ago, and it's still crystal clear to me today that religion and gods are completely made up.

THanks -- I wonder how much effect you think your non-belief has had on your life. For instance, under what circumstances do you talk about your lack of religious belief? Do you talk about it much ? Did it affect your choice of partner? If you have kids, how are you raising them?

DP, but I could have written what you responded to.

I actually speak about Christian values quite a bit, because I still have them even though I don't believe the stories any more than I believe in the tooth fairy. There is nothing wrong with celebrating good values and culture that binds us together. I actually think it's healthy. Yes, I chose a partner who shares my values. He was also raised in a Christian home and is not anymore. We raise our children to be good people with the values we were raised with. I send them to a Christian school and I tell them to figure out what they believe and I will support them. One is atheist (15), the other doesn't know what to believe and asks so many questions. She's 10. The younger one has friends who are Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Jewish, agnostic, and Christian. To her its a bit more like belonging to a set of traditions and celebrations. Eventually she's going to have to think harder about all this. And yes, I tell them we are cultural Christians, because we are.

[Anonymous]

Both. I’ve lost my faith almost completely, and no longer religious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic, altar server and all that. Around 16 I was definitely questioning my faith, so much felt hypocritical. By 18 was no longer a Catholic believer. I'm 39 and I'd say I'm more agnostic than anything else. I have my certain beliefs that are kind of a mishmash of things from various religions and cultures.

There was no turmoil for me or guilt. A lot of the Catholic beliefs just did not align with my own beliefs and values. And like I said, a lot of it felt hypocritical to me. Love thy neighbor....unless they are gay.

The change in my beliefs pretty much had zero impact on my life. My parents were understanding. I didn't have friends tied to the church. I view it as a completely neutral part of my life. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it just happened.

Thanks. I understand that you're no longer Catholic. Have you regularly attended any church? If you have kids, how are you raising them?

No Church. While my beliefs largely are derivative of some form of Christianity, as a whole I have zero desire to be a part of a Church community, go to mass, and the like. To me, that has nothing to do with my own spirituality. We've always encouraged DS to explore different religions. He's gone to Catholic mass with my mom. He's attended a couple Methodist masses with a friend. At the moment, he has also developed his own spirituality based off various things he's learned and what his beliefs and values are. We both believe in a higher being but our specific beliefs are made up of bits and pieces of different religions.

DH is more of a quiet atheist. He encourages DS to learn and will help him understand things, but he isn't much of a believer.

[Anonymous]

This is such an interesting question that I've never thought of in this way before. I've always said that I stopped being religious, mainly because for as long as I could remember, I was very skeptical of the "faith" aspect of my religion. I had questions in Sunday school that were belittled and answered with "because faith," which never felt like satisfactory answers. There was never a time that I had faith in the Trinity or Original Sin. So, it would feel disingenuous to say that I "lost faith" when I didn't necessarily ever have faith. But I did attend church (mostly because my parents made me, but still) and celebrate holidays, and I see those things as part of "being religious," which I stopped doing when I became agnostic.

[Anonymous]

How can anyone be religious at this point in time?

Ultra religious believe Trump is equal to "God".

Mega churches are scams.

Churches being tax exempt is absurd.

The sexual abuse of children is highly correlated to religion in this country not drag queens.

Religion is indoctrination by definition.

To answer your question directly OP I grew up in a very Catholic home my mother was an orthodox Jew who converted for my father. Priests in my parish abused children for years. Everyone knew. Wife beating was accepted as just fine upstanding men. Go to confession and now it's ok. Then we have my mothers side the Orthodox Jews no different. From women not being educated after 8th grade to not being given a GET (jewish divorce) after my maternal aunts husband beat her so badly she had to be hospitalized as an example.
And yes my Catholic father married my Orthodox Jewish mother who converted to Catholic, her family wasn't great she ran away to his only to find there was no difference. They had 7 children I am the oldest. Not one of us is religious as adults. All of us rejected the Church we were brought up in. All of us went to college got advanced degrees. What did my parents do right instill the love of reading and learning. That I will always be great full for.

I went to a fantastic public school system I knew from 6th grade religion was fake. It's a cult. I told my mother the day I left home at age 17 I would never return and I did not. I put myself through college and now I and my own family are very successful with out those cults. I raised all my children to be intelligent, kind, openminded and they know about all religions and history.

Do we celebrate cultural holidays like Christmas or Hanukah no. Do we appreciate it when our friends bring over cookies at Christmas of course because they are being kind. Can I appreciate Christmas lights for being pretty yes. Do they have a religious significance no.

Think of all the monies we have saved by not tiding at a church or paying dues to a synagogue and gave those monies to charities that actually use the monies for good. Charity Navigator is a great tool. And now my money doesn't go to the Catholic Church lawsuits protecting sexual abusers of kids or synagogues waste etc.

I firmly believe religion is made up gobbleygook for the least educated.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the several thoughtful responses to the question, especially after the first few responses that seemed to try to dismiss the issue entirely.

It's too bad that some people have been so hurt by religion. It's a shame that something that can bring so much comfort to some people can also bring so much pain to others.

[Anonymous]

I guess I would say I "lost my faith." And I'm grateful for it, because I view it as seeing the truth. Perhaps there's a very limited sense in which I miss the "comfort" of faith -- like the belief that you'll be reunited with your departed loved ones in the afterlife -- but because I don't think that's true, I view it as a false comfort, so I don't really miss it.

The reason I lost my faith is essentially the "why do children get painful cancers?" argument and the so-called Epicurian Paradox. Innocent children die very painful and violent deaths all the time. If God exists, why isn't he preventing that? Easiest and most obvious answer for me was that he doesn't exist. So that's how I lost my faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic, altar server and all that. Around 16 I was definitely questioning my faith, so much felt hypocritical. By 18 was no longer a Catholic believer. I'm 39 and I'd say I'm more agnostic than anything else. I have my certain beliefs that are kind of a mishmash of things from various religions and cultures.

There was no turmoil for me or guilt. A lot of the Catholic beliefs just did not align with my own beliefs and values. And like I said, a lot of it felt hypocritical to me. Love thy neighbor....unless they are gay.

The change in my beliefs pretty much had zero impact on my life. My parents were understanding. I didn't have friends tied to the church. I view it as a completely neutral part of my life. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it just happened.

Except that is not at all what the Catholic church teaches. So who taught you that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic, altar server and all that. Around 16 I was definitely questioning my faith, so much felt hypocritical. By 18 was no longer a Catholic believer. I'm 39 and I'd say I'm more agnostic than anything else. I have my certain beliefs that are kind of a mishmash of things from various religions and cultures.

There was no turmoil for me or guilt. A lot of the Catholic beliefs just did not align with my own beliefs and values. And like I said, a lot of it felt hypocritical to me. Love thy neighbor....unless they are gay.

The change in my beliefs pretty much had zero impact on my life. My parents were understanding. I didn't have friends tied to the church. I view it as a completely neutral part of my life. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it just happened.

Except that is not at all what the Catholic church teaches. So who taught you that?

Love and sinner; hate the sin. That's what the Catholic Church teaches, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can anyone be religious at this point in time?

Ultra religious believe Trump is equal to "God".

Mega churches are scams.

Churches being tax exempt is absurd.

The sexual abuse of children is highly correlated to religion in this country not drag queens.

Religion is indoctrination by definition.

To answer your question directly OP I grew up in a very Catholic home my mother was an orthodox Jew who converted for my father. Priests in my parish abused children for years. Everyone knew. Wife beating was accepted as just fine upstanding men. Go to confession and now it's ok. Then we have my mothers side the Orthodox Jews no different. From women not being educated after 8th grade to not being given a GET (jewish divorce) after my maternal aunts husband beat her so badly she had to be hospitalized as an example.
And yes my Catholic father married my Orthodox Jewish mother who converted to Catholic, her family wasn't great she ran away to his only to find there was no difference. They had 7 children I am the oldest. Not one of us is religious as adults. All of us rejected the Church we were brought up in. All of us went to college got advanced degrees. What did my parents do right instill the love of reading and learning. That I will always be great full for.

I went to a fantastic public school system I knew from 6th grade religion was fake. It's a cult. I told my mother the day I left home at age 17 I would never return and I did not. I put myself through college and now I and my own family are very successful with out those cults. I raised all my children to be intelligent, kind, openminded and they know about all religions and history.

Do we celebrate cultural holidays like Christmas or Hanukah no. Do we appreciate it when our friends bring over cookies at Christmas of course because they are being kind. Can I appreciate Christmas lights for being pretty yes. Do they have a religious significance no.

Think of all the monies we have saved by not tiding at a church or paying dues to a synagogue and gave those monies to charities that actually use the monies for good. Charity Navigator is a great tool. And now my money doesn't go to the Catholic Church lawsuits protecting sexual abusers of kids or synagogues waste etc.

I firmly believe religion is made up gobbleygook for the least educated.

This is so right on and well written. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I lost my faith my senior year of college. Prior to that I considered myself an evangelical Christian. I read the Bible every day, prayed and talked to God all day, etc.

Then one day I was watching a documentary on cults, and these people were explaining the really insane-sounding stuff they had believed, and all of a sudden my brain asked why my beliefs were any more logical than theirs. And I was like, "Oh Sh*t." And the God that went around in my head with me just went poof! It was very whiplash-inducing.

Thankfully I was already at a transition point in my life, so when I graduated and got a job I was able to make friends outside of religion, but it did suck to have friends reject me. My college bestie told me that her relationship with Jesus wouldn't allow her to be friends with me anymore. That rejection certainly didn't make me think they were repping the one true God.

I'm a member of a progressive mainline church now. I believe that humans need close knit communities, ritual, shared awe, mechanisms for service, etc. There's no little God living in my head anymore but there is a lot of wonder and goodness in the universe for me to contemplate.

I've done it both ways, and I've got to say that it feels so much healthier to choose a religious community based on my values rather than to allow a community to dictate what my values should be.

[Anonymous]

I’m Hindu. Raised in an observant home but always considered myself atheist or agnostic. Married a nonHindu. We dabbled in exposing our kids to both faiths, but ultimately dropped that. I find the rituals I grew up with comforting to a point, but not necessary to lead a good life and be a moral person. Do not really miss going to the temple, unless on trips to India, or last rites for my parents.

[Anonymous]

When I realized the Catholic Church was just about upholding the patriarchy and didn't really care about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic, altar server and all that. Around 16 I was definitely questioning my faith, so much felt hypocritical. By 18 was no longer a Catholic believer. I'm 39 and I'd say I'm more agnostic than anything else. I have my certain beliefs that are kind of a mishmash of things from various religions and cultures.

There was no turmoil for me or guilt. A lot of the Catholic beliefs just did not align with my own beliefs and values. And like I said, a lot of it felt hypocritical to me. Love thy neighbor....unless they are gay.

The change in my beliefs pretty much had zero impact on my life. My parents were understanding. I didn't have friends tied to the church. I view it as a completely neutral part of my life. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it just happened.

Except that is not at all what the Catholic church teaches. So who taught you that?

Well not accepting gay marriage (which was very much the case when I was being raised Catholic) and not being very welcoming of homosexuality in general was pretty much the same as "love thy neighbor unless they are gay". Perhaps things have gotten better or perhaps where I lived was just worse than other places. But the subtle homophobia was pretty disturbing to me.