Sometimes I feel like I need to be a sports therapist for my dc, but I’m terrible at it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "mental game" can be just as important as the physical game. There are therapists/coaches out there that focus on this for athletes. Maybe something to consider?

I have not explored this in depth in DC metro area, some some examples:
https://elitecompetitor.com/elite-mental-game (focused on girls' development, but boys can enroll too)
https://www.readysetmindful.com

Is the second therapist someone you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "mental game" can be just as important as the physical game. There are therapists/coaches out there that focus on this for athletes. Maybe something to consider?

I have not explored this in depth in DC metro area, some some examples:
https://elitecompetitor.com/elite-mental-game (focused on girls' development, but boys can enroll too)
https://www.readysetmindful.com

Is the second therapist someone you know?

Nope! Have not worked with the second therapist, but have seen her affiliated with at least one local club in NOVA (which I wonder about bc virtual services appear to be limited to certain states, not VA). But I imagine there are other sports therapists worth exploring. Lately, I think my DD is in need of this more than time on court!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is an elite-level high school aged soccer player with ADHD and plenty of anxiety. She's someone who finds long term goals more stressful than motivating, so it' more about pointing her in the right direction and then making baby steps. I often tell her to stop looking at the top of the mountain (college, national championships etc.) and just look at the patch of dirt in front of her. Don't get overwhelmed by the grandiose "might bes" at the cost of small progress now.

We also talk about how to block the self-criticism. My newest thing with her is that she needs to stop listening to her gut, because it's wrong. Listen to what coaches, parents, etc. say if you know your internal compass is broken and set to chewing on your mistakes.

This may be the opposite of best practices, but its working for us!

I wonder if there is a better way to approach this with her for the long term? Girls who instinctively trust other people more than they trust themselves and who default to others’ advice can be very vulnerable in their relationships with boyfriends. One day, she will leave your house and if she gives their trust to a manipulative person, it can cause problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be good to know how OP’s child directs all these strong emotions. At themselves? At their parent(s)? At others?

Assuming the child is acting out and needs to be punished is putting the cart before the horse.

Kids are allowed to be upset. I wouldn’t tell someone their emotions are unacceptable. But they do need to learn - and be taught - how to handle their emotions. It’s in their best interests in the end.

Op. I’m just catching up. No, I am definitely not going to punish him. That would be sadistic. He’s not acting out with his team or coach, it’s mostly just pressure on himself when he doesn’t perform like he wants. And then massive anxiety going into a big event. He takes it out at home at times by being snippy and short tempered, but mostly it is against himself.

OP: This is a maturity issue, not a sports issue.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how old he is, but in general, I think it's fine to be your kid's de facto sports therapist.

I had a gymnast. They're all tightly wound, and she really wanted to talk through EVERYTHING, every meet. She had a lot of stress and fear, but also wanted it really badly.

Over time, she got more mature, more able to see the sport as just one aspect of her life, and she experienced enough highs and lows to learn to tolerate the ride.

I think (hope!) that being able to talk it out helped her.

I think you're probably fine. Definitely encourage him to enjoy other aspects of life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. I have 2 college swimmers. Swimming is brutally honest about your performance because the clock doesn’t lie. It’s also quite common for swimmers to go months or years without improving their time. Lots of “lessons in disappointment.”

My oldest tells me the trick to making it in this sport is learning to enjoy the ride. You have to accept the ups and downs as part of the sport and not let it ruin your love for the sport. The disappointment and frustration is real. The questions are, what do you do with those feelings? do you let them control your behavior? And do you love the sport enough to embrace those feelings? They come with the territory.

Thank you for this. I actually cut and pasted it in my phone notes to use as talking points with my kid. This is spot on

Just spoke with my freshman son. He says the trick for him was to build up the other aspects of his life so he was more well-rounded. His friends in HS were not swimmers, he invests in other interests (for him having friends who are into golf and fishing was helpful and a job that was not swim coaching). Make sure you are not all about your sport.

This is 100% my athlete’s strategy, too. He can consciously acknowledge school, friend, dating, family, etc ways to build self-esteem and not only get it from the sport.

If he has a frustrating game we have worked to communicate better, so he can say, “I just need to shower and be alone for a bit before I’m around people” and we respect that. When he emerges he is in a space to not be cranky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be good to know how OP’s child directs all these strong emotions. At themselves? At their parent(s)? At others?

Assuming the child is acting out and needs to be punished is putting the cart before the horse.

Kids are allowed to be upset. I wouldn’t tell someone their emotions are unacceptable. But they do need to learn - and be taught - how to handle their emotions. It’s in their best interests in the end.

Op. I’m just catching up. No, I am definitely not going to punish him. That would be sadistic. He’s not acting out with his team or coach, it’s mostly just pressure on himself when he doesn’t perform like he wants. And then massive anxiety going into a big event. He takes it out at home at times by being snippy and short tempered, but mostly it is against himself.

OP: This is a maturity issue, not a sports issue.

And??