Constantly repeating myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:nagger

This.

- If he's busy on his phone and you have time to notice and nag him, then you can just as easily give the kids attention.
- If he's finished his plate and gets distracted by something else, be a doll and grab it for him.
- He can spend his own money however he pleases.

It's all one-sided nagging. Constant blame game... No wonder he's mentally checked out. I can guarantee you that DH does not snap at his wife to get off her phone, cleans up after her at times, and has zero say in how she spends her own money.

She is not his maid.

Showing her husband a little love and patience does not make her a maid. He is not her punching bag.

[Anonymous]

Yes and I can't deal with this anymore. Feel like his mother not his wife.

[Anonymous]

For me it isn't household chores that is the issue. My DH cleans up after himself and doesn't act like I'm his maid. So there is no nagging in that respect.

The issue is that when I do have something to say to him he does. not. listen.

I will say something like, "Here is the new key for the shed. It's on this bright red key ring and I am putting it in the kitchen drawer."

The next day he asks me where the new key for the shed is. I tell him I just told you yesterday - do you remember me telling you that? He acts pissy and says "No. You didn't tell me that."

Or I will say, "Forecast says it's going to be cold at our vacation destination. We need to bring extra sweaters for our trip." A couple of hours later he will say, "Do you have extra sweaters packed? Forecast looks like it's going to be cold at XYZ."

What the hell is this? Is he just completely tuning me out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it isn't household chores that is the issue. My DH cleans up after himself and doesn't act like I'm his maid. So there is no nagging in that respect.

The issue is that when I do have something to say to him he does. not. listen.

I will say something like, "Here is the new key for the shed. It's on this bright red key ring and I am putting it in the kitchen drawer."

The next day he asks me where the new key for the shed is. I tell him I just told you yesterday - do you remember me telling you that? He acts pissy and says "No. You didn't tell me that."

Or I will say, "Forecast says it's going to be cold at our vacation destination. We need to bring extra sweaters for our trip." A couple of hours later he will say, "Do you have extra sweaters packed? Forecast looks like it's going to be cold at XYZ."

What the hell is this? Is he just completely tuning me out?

Leave sticky note reminders and just pack the sweaters yourself instead of making that observation and expecting him to do it. NBD.

If he said "My stomach's grumbling. It sure could use a serving of pancakes and bacon.", would he be justified in later complaining that you "tuned him out" rather than just making the food his damn self? Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it isn't household chores that is the issue. My DH cleans up after himself and doesn't act like I'm his maid. So there is no nagging in that respect.

The issue is that when I do have something to say to him he does. not. listen.

I will say something like, "Here is the new key for the shed. It's on this bright red key ring and I am putting it in the kitchen drawer."

The next day he asks me where the new key for the shed is. I tell him I just told you yesterday - do you remember me telling you that? He acts pissy and says "No. You didn't tell me that."

Or I will say, "Forecast says it's going to be cold at our vacation destination. We need to bring extra sweaters for our trip." A couple of hours later he will say, "Do you have extra sweaters packed? Forecast looks like it's going to be cold at XYZ."

What the hell is this? Is he just completely tuning me out?

Leave sticky note reminders and just pack the sweaters yourself instead of making that observation and expecting him to do it. NBD.

If he said "My stomach's grumbling. It sure could use a serving of pancakes and bacon.", would he be justified in later complaining that you "tuned him out" rather than just making the food his damn self? Lol.

The point is NOT about who does what. The point is when one person says something point-blank to another, does the other person LISTEN or do they completely tune out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it isn't household chores that is the issue. My DH cleans up after himself and doesn't act like I'm his maid. So there is no nagging in that respect.

The issue is that when I do have something to say to him he does. not. listen.

I will say something like, "Here is the new key for the shed. It's on this bright red key ring and I am putting it in the kitchen drawer."

The next day he asks me where the new key for the shed is. I tell him I just told you yesterday - do you remember me telling you that? He acts pissy and says "No. You didn't tell me that."

Or I will say, "Forecast says it's going to be cold at our vacation destination. We need to bring extra sweaters for our trip." A couple of hours later he will say, "Do you have extra sweaters packed? Forecast looks like it's going to be cold at XYZ."

What the hell is this? Is he just completely tuning me out?

Leave sticky note reminders and just pack the sweaters yourself instead of making that observation and expecting him to do it. NBD.

If he said "My stomach's grumbling. It sure could use a serving of pancakes and bacon.", would he be justified in later complaining that you "tuned him out" rather than just making the food his damn self? Lol.

The point is NOT about who does what. The point is when one person says something point-blank to another, does the other person LISTEN or do they completely tune out?

I responded earlier. I had sticky notes throughout the house. After 3 years, I took them down. It didn't work. And yes, it was a part of our therapy and after 9 years, that's not really working either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have to constantly remind their DH of things? Sometimes I feel like he’s one of the kids. I have to constantly remind him to put down his phone and give attention to the kids, throw his trash away, not overspend.

I text him important stuff even if we’re both home. He told me he can only process 2,000 words so it’s the only way. Plus he can refer to his texts if he forgets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it isn't household chores that is the issue. My DH cleans up after himself and doesn't act like I'm his maid. So there is no nagging in that respect.

The issue is that when I do have something to say to him he does. not. listen.

I will say something like, "Here is the new key for the shed. It's on this bright red key ring and I am putting it in the kitchen drawer."

The next day he asks me where the new key for the shed is. I tell him I just told you yesterday - do you remember me telling you that? He acts pissy and says "No. You didn't tell me that."

Or I will say, "Forecast says it's going to be cold at our vacation destination. We need to bring extra sweaters for our trip." A couple of hours later he will say, "Do you have extra sweaters packed? Forecast looks like it's going to be cold at XYZ."

What the hell is this? Is he just completely tuning me out?

Leave sticky note reminders and just pack the sweaters yourself instead of making that observation and expecting him to do it. NBD.

If he said "My stomach's grumbling. It sure could use a serving of pancakes and bacon.", would he be justified in later complaining that you "tuned him out" rather than just making the food his damn self? Lol.

The point is NOT about who does what. The point is when one person says something point-blank to another, does the other person LISTEN or do they completely tune out?

Nine years of therapy, and this is your takeaway? That is not at all the point. Stop talking at him for the sake of testing whether he's "listening", and start conversing with him like a human being... and if sweaters need to be packed, just take the thirty seconds to do it yourself and tell him it's all taken care of instead of talking at him to see if he'll act on it three hours later. Such stupidity.

Imagine if a man said what you did. Everyone would rightly describe him as being "overbearing", perhaps even "a control freak".