Husband doesn’t buy me any presents

[Anonymous]

We already had a threat about this. Which probably means that the answer to your question is: yes, it’s normal.

To either not get your wife, a gift, or to get her crappy gift, the whole wrapping up something you already have, though, that’s a little ridiculous. Probably not normal. But as far as DH’s and gifts it’s getting wild out here. So probably normal.

Like I said on the other thread, I got an amazing gift. But only because I sent a link in an email that said “you will buy me this.” if I hadn’t done that, you would be better off than me with your make up bag.

[Anonymous]

*thread*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Communicate with him. I'm sure there are healthy couples where this is the norm and there are no issues, just as there are couples that do buy gifts for each other. But you have to communicate and make your expectations known. If you're hurt that he doesn't give gifts, TELL HIM.

DH and I have a standing agreement that we do not expect gifts for holidays or anniversaries, or we tell each other exactly what we want (and often buy it ourselves). That's the best part of the gift--no stress about getting it right or meeting an expectation. It's become a running joke where we leave each other a bunch of boxes to wrap up and get surprised when we find out what we got each other.

So tell your DH that this bothers you.

This. Communication is key. My DH said the best present he got this year was me saying exactly what I wanted for a gift. He helped me pick it out and arranged for delivery. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

Is he thoughtful in other ways at all? This does not seem "normal". My DH is thoughtful most of the time. He gets me flowers on my bday, anniversary, valentines, without me prompting.

[Anonymous]

Is this you OP:

https://youtu.be/FOVCtUdaMCU

[Anonymous]

This is normal in my house (though not the wrapping what I already part). DH and I just dont give one another gifts. Its too stressful at Christmas to add one more person to the list and both of us have birthdays around the holidays so we don't need anything else. This year, DH and I went shopping the day before my birthday and I bought a new coat and new shoes and that was good for me. I would rather pick things out myself so I can get what I want. We share finances anyway.

But this is the expectation that we have set. If that is not what you and your DH have agreed upon, you have a right to be upset.

[Anonymous]

I got the best presents! Got clothes and shoes from J Mclaughlin, Everlane, got Mango, got a wonderful painting from DS, got clothes from DD and DS. They asked me and I told them that I would like some clothes. My work wardrobe was getting horrible..
As for DH and I, we just buy for ourselves what we wants and then it is from each other. But, I've been married for 31 years and both DH and I do not want to spend money of BS we won't like or need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. He needs to have higher standards for himself. I do what I can-at work I ask every married man what they’re getting their spouse for the holidays.

Why do you do this? It doesn’t sound like you are making idle conversation.

Seriously. What an intrusive and rude question. In our case the answer would be "nothing" since we don't celebrate Christmas, which is what you really mean by "the holidays."

We also are not a gift-giving couple. We agreed long ago not to do that. Gifts are for children. We can buy what we want. We do other thoughtful things for each other throughout the year. As another poster said, it's all about what is normal for you as a couple. Our normal isn't everyone's.

If DH were to suddenly try to buy me something, I could see him going for a makeup bag because that seems standard and safe (although I personally wear very little makeup). Wrapping something you already own, though, is pretty weird. I can't decide if it speaks of lack of effort/caring or too much caring! Like he really wanted to get you something but didn't know what.

[Anonymous]

OP: FWIW Your husband doesn't buy me any presents either.

Hope this helps !

[Anonymous]

the make up bag is more than some of us got from our DH.

What did he wrap that was already yours? Was this a mistake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH buys what I ask for and nothing more. He doesn’t try to hide the shipping boxes and asks the teens to do his wrapping for him. After Christmas I definitely do some sale shopping and get myself some additional nice things that I don’t mention.

Marriage is a compromise.

Compromise isn't asking the kids to wrap his gifts. I hope he pays them so it's worth their time.

[Anonymous]

Did you at least get a robe?

[Anonymous]

Text him ideas of what you want- with links and any specifics (color, size etc). Works great. Have been doing it for years.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you communicate and give him some ideas? DH and I have not exchanged presents for birthdays or Christmas in many many years. Occasionally if we see something we think the other person likes we buy it. It doesn’t have to be on a holiday and it’s rare. For example, he bought me a new laptop a year or so ago. I’ve done the same sort of things at random times when I’ve thought of something he may want or need. It’s rarely at a holiday and neither of us are offended if something is returned.

[Anonymous]

We started using the Giftster app. He just picks something from my list and I’m happy. Left to his own devices I’ll get something lame, even if though the intent is well meaning. He’s good at most other things, fortunately.