What happens in a Shark Attack?

[Anonymous]

Used to be when Greg Norman sank a 50-foot putt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Draw and shoot 2 torpedos at the nose.

No, you need to shove an oxygen tank in its mouth and then shoot the tank with a rifle so it exposes thus obliterating the shark. Easy peasy Japanesey

[Anonymous]

Got charged by a (relatively harmless) reef shark once. Turned out someone had dumped a bunch of chum in the water nearby while I was swimming and that got the shark all riled up. Made myself look as big and aggressive as possible - shark decided to back off. Scary at the time, but funny story now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is this person that keeps asking what you would do in hypothetical situations? The last one was yesterday “what would you do in a mass shooting?”

I assumed this thread was meant to satirize the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Draw and shoot 2 torpedos at the nose.

No, you need to shove an oxygen tank in its mouth and then shoot the tank with a rifle so it exposes thus obliterating the shark. Easy peasy Japanesey

While certainly creative, this does not seem like very practical advice.

[Anonymous]

What if the shark attacks, and then, tries to pull you into a second location, like deeper water?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most shark bites are quick bites and then they go away. Most of the time the shark is basically just testing to see what you are. Sharks don't have great eyesight at things like flashing jewelry or your movement can make them think you're a fish. So by the time you know you've been bitten, it's over.

This! I'm a former ocean lifeguard and most bites are purely accidental. Avoid swimming at dawn and dusk when the water is even murkier and easier for the shark to mistake you for a regular food source. Always, always, always swim at a guarded beach. You will want access to a Stop the Bleed kit depending upon where you are bit on your body.
I only ever had one instance in which I thought someone was being attacked. They were just pass the surf line on a boogie board and something knocked them off their board and they began screaming like hell. I was already swimming out to them when they came flying past me towards shore. I'm thinking it must have been a skate because it created a ton of turbulence next to the guy before he was struck. That's what had caught my eye first.

That sounds scary! Where was this?

[Anonymous]

OP why did you capitalize Shark Attack?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Draw and shoot 2 torpedos at the nose.

No, you need to shove an oxygen tank in its mouth and then shoot the tank with a rifle so it exposes thus obliterating the shark. Easy peasy Japanesey

While certainly creative, this does not seem like very practical advice.

Thank you. I had just sent this to my kid and I’m now going to retract the advice. You made a good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men only carry sharks around because they have tiny penises.

This is true. I have a mako in my pocket right now

I thought you were just happy to see me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most shark bites are quick bites and then they go away. Most of the time the shark is basically just testing to see what you are. Sharks don't have great eyesight at things like flashing jewelry or your movement can make them think you're a fish. So by the time you know you've been bitten, it's over.

This! I'm a former ocean lifeguard and most bites are purely accidental. Avoid swimming at dawn and dusk when the water is even murkier and easier for the shark to mistake you for a regular food source. Always, always, always swim at a guarded beach. You will want access to a Stop the Bleed kit depending upon where you are bit on your body.
I only ever had one instance in which I thought someone was being attacked. They were just pass the surf line on a boogie board and something knocked them off their board and they began screaming like hell. I was already swimming out to them when they came flying past me towards shore. I'm thinking it must have been a skate because it created a ton of turbulence next to the guy before he was struck. That's what had caught my eye first.

That sounds scary! Where was this?

I worked in OCMD where this happened. The guy was fine but very scared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why did you capitalize Shark Attack?

I think it was just a subconscious thing; probably because I am so terrified of these. I read about every one.

[Anonymous]

What if the shark has a switchblade? Should I call a jet for help?