College kid question -thanks.

[Anonymous]

I do a proof of life? text after a week +. It usually results in a phone call or at least a text.

[Anonymous]

This is normal for most boys and without a doubt annoying for parents. Only way to get them to respond promptly is to not overwhelm them, keep family messaging thread separate and have a 101 thread going for time dependent matters. They aren't intentionally trying to hurt you so don't let your ego get bruised.

[Anonymous]

So my kid will respond promptly unless I ask him a question he doesn’t know the answer to, such as questions about dates. He will just not respond rather than say, not sure or I’ll look it up tonight or I won’t know until the professor schedules X or not sure what my friends and I are doing…

DS did a summer college program this year and it was a PITA trying to figure out when to pick him up. He hadn’t decided whether to stay into the late afternoon if his friends were leaving later.

[Anonymous]

Two boys in college. We asked that they call us on Sundays to say hello. Usually it is a 5m call with lots of "yes, ok, sure, no thank you, I guess..."

They will text if asked a question or if we send a general hello...but rare that they initiate a text just to say hi.

Friends with daughters in college seem to get a lot more interaction via text/calls.

[Anonymous]

Is he doing well? Staying healthy, attending class, doing well in school, making friends?

If yes, then that’s a sign of success.

Parenting is the only job where success means your role is no longer needed.

If he’s avoiding you because he’s making destructive choices, that’s different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is like this.

I still think it is self centered and disrespectful.

Same here. But literally everyone I know with college aged sons reports similarly.

Compared to everyone I know with college aged daughters reports they call their moms constantly needing to talk through the most minor decisions. (My dd will be in college in a year, and it is hard for me to picture it but that’s what I hear.)

Not sure which I prefer - why can’t there be a middle

[Anonymous]

I’m way beyond college but my mom does this with texts still. She will text out of the blue and say “what time are you flying home for Easter?”. It’s December, I’m barely ready for Christmas, I don’t even know if we’re going to her house for Easter, and I’m not fully sure when my kids’ spring break is.

Something about a question requiring a precise answer on the spot feels really aggressive and also demands a few layers of work that I’m unlikely to be able to execute in a time my mom finds reasonable. And if I reply by saying “I don’t know”, my mom will badger me and ask me question after question about how I could not know and do I value family and so on.

Rather than give her space for a tantrum or start typing but leave her room to spin herself into an anxious frenzy while she watches the 3 dots, I’ll just leave the text unread until I can sit down and really think.

[Anonymous]

We have 2 in college. One we talk to weekly at a minimum, usually 2-3 times a week, and one we will text and try to set up a call if it's been a while and we haven't talked to them. It is hurtful that #2 doesn't want to talk with us more frequently, but different kids have different personalities.