Friends want to take my parent out…

[Anonymous]

If your dad is in an apartment, could you suggest they have takeout delivered for all to share. Would just say he has multiple medical issues that make staying at the retirement community easier for everyone involved. Hopefully that will give them the message they won’t be able to antiparticle and manage every potential problem.

[Anonymous]

Does he have a cleaning service? I would have his apartment cleaned, invite the friends to his apartment (assuming it is more than a studio) and order lunch to be delivered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell them? I'd appreciate the heads up and change plans accordingly.

Okay, I posted too quickly. Which is worse for your father's dignity: the revelation that age has affected him and thus plans should change or his actually having a toilet issue in front of friends?

Actually having the accident is a million times worse for dignity. Don't set him up to fail. You can be discreet without telling all.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to say diarrhea. You can say “incontinent” or “needs to stay near a bathroom.”

[Anonymous]

All information should be given so they know what they are bringing-upon-themselves. You are doing an injustice otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I thought this thread was going to talk about the Swiss suicide pod or some other means of "taking out your parent".

Glad it was just about lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be a bit of a contrarian, if your dad is mentally competent at all why isn’t this his call? Also how likely is an accident really? Once a week or just a risk? Something like going out with friends for the last few times is not something you should force him to give up when the risk is at most embarrassment

u r nuts

[Anonymous]

Thank you, everyone.

One of the friends said they will have lunch there at the assisted living. Unfortunately, they already mentioned to my dad they’d take him out. Hopefully, he will forget that part.

I feel guilty because one friend said my dad will be disappointed. But the friends don’t see the decline and don’t know about the unpredictable incontinence.

If I can, I will offer to pick up their lunch.

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, everyone.

One of the friends said they will have lunch there at the assisted living. Unfortunately, they already mentioned to my dad they’d take him out. Hopefully, he will forget that part.

I feel guilty because one friend said my dad will be disappointed. But the friends don’t see the decline and don’t know about the unpredictable incontinence.

If I can, I will offer to pick up their lunch.

OP

I wouldn't offer to pay for or pick up the lunch. Your Dad's friends wanted to treat him and do something they thought he'd enjoy -- going out to lunch, getting away from his routine. Now they know that it's best for your Dad that they stay at his place. Please don't also take away their desire to "do something" nice for him.