Boy teens - how much time with friends (in-person)

[Anonymous]

It is relevant in that he is not part of DS's school friend group, and that he has some obstacles connecting with his own friends other than DS because the pool of kids at his school tend to live farther away than DS's, leading him and DS to have an easier time connecting. I suspect if his own school friends lived closer, he would spend somewhat less time with DS, so it is ultimately DS's gain.


Then you could have just said private school and we would have understood.

I don't believe most private schools have kids that commute from as far away as this one. The friend is fine. He has made some jokes that I find questionable (and seem somewhat xenophobic/Islamophobic), but I don't dislike him, just think he lacks a filter.

[Anonymous]

No, this is not normal by any standards. PP's have become accepting and complacent with the lack of social connection their kids have in this ultra connected world.

I have two teen boys and our oldest was unfortunately the guinea pig. He spent 9th and 10th isolated, in front of a PC with "friends" but not developing relationships. 5 or less social gatherings in person on an annual basis. We pushed him into getting a job, picking up a sport and the social opportunities have dramatically increased.

For our younger teen, we started pushing harder for in-person socialization earlier when we saw this trend and moved him to a private school that is very aware of this issue and takes steps to socialize the kids differently so that they are less reliant on technology and relationships exist outside of snapchat and discord.

Get help. Too many kids are growing up, lacking the social skills to carry them into adulthood. It's very socially isolating and it's affecting them long term.

[Anonymous]

My 15yo DS hangs out with friends 1-2x per week and with his girlfriend about the same.

[Anonymous]

PP, Her child does not seem isolated like yours. You're projecting.

Her child socializes with a neighbor and goes on outings with school friends a couple times a month. I'm assuming he's social at school and has activities. 18-24 outings a year is really different from the 5 or less your child had and I'm not sure you understand that informal gatherings like her child going to the gym with a friend are the basis of friendships - not whatever imaginary "social gatherings" you speak of.

Our own very social DD sometimes is so busy she can't fit in a "social gathering" in some months. She's still seeing friends informally to eat after school or before or after sports or other activities or hanging out with neighborhood friends and yes being on the phone or connecting on social media with them. Most of her friends are like this too and they are all thought of as pretty "popular" at their school.

[Anonymous]

We pushed him into getting a job, picking up a sport and the social opportunities have dramatically increased.

He volunteers (every week) and plays a sport, but this has not led to in-person friendships.

[Anonymous]

He volunteers (every week)

DH has asked me to add the information that my son does this volunteering with a kid he used to be in elementary school together with. They do talk at the activity, but don't talk or text outside of it. There is only one night per week that the place accepts volunteers under 18, so they both do it that evening.

[Anonymous]

How often is he going to the gym with the neighbor?

If they’re going every other day or so, that’s a pretty substantial social stimulus. Some kids like having one best friend who they’re close to, and everyone else is an acquaintance more at arms length.

[Anonymous]

My 10th grader hangs out w friends every saturday and sunday, for at least a few hours each day. This past weekend they met at school in the afternoon to play basketball and then went to get food and then back to a friends house to watch football. Sunday they went shopping for halloween costumes, got food and then watched football until we called him to come home.
Thats a pretty typical weekend.

[Anonymous]

My older teen is happy with seeing friends at structured activities-sport and clubs and texting with them otherwise. He has a ton of homework and likes to have down time on the weekends.

My younger teen needs more in person social interaction that isn't structured, but also needs breaks from friends for a month here or there-just see in school.

They are both happy and well-adjusted so it works for them.

[Anonymous]

My son is super social--he is out every Friday night, generally hangs out with friends during the day on Saturdays (golf, gym, lunch, football game, etc) and Saturday night as well. Sundays he stays at home and does homework.

I wish he was around more--I would love to see him more. The grass is always greener...

[Anonymous]

How often is he going to the gym with the neighbor?

Twice a week. In fairness, they try to go more, but it is sometimes hard for them to schedule it at a time that works, given that they both have schoolwork and clubs/sports.

[Anonymous]

Daily. My fifteen year old is extremely extroverted.

[Anonymous]

My son is super social--he is out every Friday night, generally hangs out with friends during the day on Saturdays (golf, gym, lunch, football game, etc)

I think it probably doesn't help that DS doesn't love watching or playing team sports. He does like working out, and plays tennis and is on a swim team, but football/baseball/basketball isn't his thing. He will watch a little professional soccer, but doesn't love playing pickup soccer (he will shoot goals with the neighbor every once in a while).

[Anonymous]

DS almost 17 sees friends during the week in EC activity but outside of that, weeknights are homework. Weekends he sees friends at least one night if not multiple.