Referring to ex-DH after divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone else had trouble remembering to say ex when they refer to their former spouse after a divorce in conversations?

The marriage was abusive toward the end due to exDH’s mental health issues. I have some warm memories of good times but for the most part am very relieved to be out. So it’s disconcerting when my brain automatically reaches for the word husband when talking about him. It’s only been a few months that it was finalized. Anyone else experience this?

I’ve told my friends (I’m newly divorced PTL) that I will be referring to mine as XX formerly known as Peter. That if they see XX or hear me reference XX they know who I mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For stories in the past: Husband at the time

My then-husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person listening, I prefer “Larla’s father” or “my ex-husband.”

“My ex” feels kind of hostile. It would make me mildly uncomfortable as the listener.

I say my ex. I don’t want to even add husband to it. It’s much better than “my cheating, lying ex”. I’m hoping my hostility eventually fades over years but it’s hard to say a respectful word about him now

Thank you finally a woman who dumped her ex cheating husband without having to be apologetic about it.

The first couple of months post divorce with people very closed for me I used to refer to my ex wife as "the slut". Men would laugh about it but women not so much. Now almost a year later I overcame my anger and hurt and I find myself referring to her mostly as "she"

[Anonymous]

I mess this up pretty often. Just correct yourself and laugh it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. He went from being "that fscking guy" to "my kids' dad" and the latter stuck.

He was never a husband, never acted like a husband, apparently never wanted to be a husband, so it has been easy to remove the title.

And I’m sure you’re just a peach to be around as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person listening, I prefer “Larla’s father” or “my ex-husband.”

“My ex” feels kind of hostile. It would make me mildly uncomfortable as the listener.

I say my ex. I don’t want to even add husband to it. It’s much better than “my cheating, lying ex”. I’m hoping my hostility eventually fades over years but it’s hard to say a respectful word about him now

Thank you finally a woman who dumped her ex cheating husband without having to be apologetic about it.

The first couple of months post divorce with people very closed for me I used to refer to my ex wife as "the slut". Men would laugh about it but women not so much. Now almost a year later I overcame my anger and hurt and I find myself referring to her mostly as "she"

Lol

[Anonymous]

My divorced friend who has never remarried and has no plans to remarry in the future, refers to him as her "first husband" which always gets a smile from those in the know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. He went from being "that fscking guy" to "my kids' dad" and the latter stuck.

He was never a husband, never acted like a husband, apparently never wanted to be a husband, so it has been easy to remove the title.

And I’m sure you’re just a peach to be around as well.

It's right there in your comment, pp. The projection. Nobody healthy needs to take a swing at an anon this way. You have no idea what the person you're negging lived through, it doesn't involve you, and you can scroll by for free without piling on (unless, of course, you're their ex, recognize yourself, and are outing yourself as exactly "that fscking guy", as posted).

What a sad weekend hobby: negging strangers on an anon forum. I hope you heal and find something healthier to do with your days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person listening, I prefer “Larla’s father” or “my ex-husband.”

“My ex” feels kind of hostile. It would make me mildly uncomfortable as the listener.

I say my ex. I don’t want to even add husband to it. It’s much better than “my cheating, lying ex”. I’m hoping my hostility eventually fades over years but it’s hard to say a respectful word about him now

Thank you finally a woman who dumped her ex cheating husband without having to be apologetic about it.

The first couple of months post divorce with people very closed for me I used to refer to my ex wife as "the slut". Men would laugh about it but women not so much. Now almost a year later I overcame my anger and hurt and I find myself referring to her mostly as "she"

Referring to an ex spouse no matter what happened as a derogatory name makes the other party seem bitter and angry and people won't want to be around them. I know a woman who referred to her ex as "the sperm donor", "[other language word for dumb-dumb]" and more. She was very hard to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My divorced friend who has never remarried and has no plans to remarry in the future, refers to him as her "first husband" which always gets a smile from those in the know.

I love this and may steal it.

So far, I either refer to him by his name or say some version of “X’s + Y’s father.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My divorced friend who has never remarried and has no plans to remarry in the future, refers to him as her "first husband" which always gets a smile from those in the know.

Looks like he still lives in her head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. He went from being "that fscking guy" to "my kids' dad" and the latter stuck.

He was never a husband, never acted like a husband, apparently never wanted to be a husband, so it has been easy to remove the title.

Love it, PP! And good riddance to your ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My divorced friend who has never remarried and has no plans to remarry in the future, refers to him as her "first husband" which always gets a smile from those in the know.

Genius!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person listening, I prefer “Larla’s father” or “my ex-husband.”

“My ex” feels kind of hostile. It would make me mildly uncomfortable as the listener.

I say my ex. I don’t want to even add husband to it. It’s much better than “my cheating, lying ex”. I’m hoping my hostility eventually fades over years but it’s hard to say a respectful word about him now

Thank you finally a woman who dumped her ex cheating husband without having to be apologetic about it.

The first couple of months post divorce with people very closed for me I used to refer to my ex wife as "the slut". Men would laugh about it but women not so much. Now almost a year later I overcame my anger and hurt and I find myself referring to her mostly as "she"

Referring to an ex spouse no matter what happened as a derogatory name makes the other party seem bitter and angry and people won't want to be around them. I know a woman who referred to her ex as "the sperm donor", "[other language word for dumb-dumb]" and more. She was very hard to be around.

You need to have more empathy for a person who may gone through the biggest betrayal and tragedy of their life.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes refer to him in the past tense “ my husband was …” he’s still alive but dead to me - I guess