Is it normal for teens to lie so casually?

[Anonymous]

It's easier to lie than to deal with the drama the parents give them.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the human, OP. We're nerdy, socially awkward scientists. Lies are hard, because acting is hard!

The closest we get in our family is younger DD, who can lie without blushing or hemming and hawing. But she doesn't do it often, and there are smaller "tells" she expresses, which means I can always identify her lie anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people just think it’s okay to lie. I know someone like this. I think that his parents tended to bend the truth a lot, so he grew up thinking it was fine to lie. I’ve tried to show him how harmful it can be to lie, but it’s as though he just can’t see it.

About brushing teeth and walking the dog? That isn't trying to get away with stuff without Mom and Dad knowing. That's just being lazy and not caring about lying.

Agree

This is not the “overly strict, controlling” parents BS some are claiming. Clearly they aren’t hovering over the teens shoulder to watch the teeth brushing. But they are disappointed that said kid as it brushing and then lying that they are. Maybe after a few root canals and bad breath and yellow teeth they’ll make the connection. Or blame someone else.

Can’t help losers, even if they’re your own kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC lies so effortlessly about small daily things like she didn’t walk the dog but said she did, didn’t brush her teeth but said she did, ate crackers for breakfast but implied she ate eggs. Am I dealing with a sociopath or is this normal teen stuff?

Not normal.
Bad habit.
Will negatively affect her future roommates, sig other, and employer.
Sad that she can’t see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's normal in your case in which the environment is highly strict/rigid.

Agree.

Stop hovering. Expecting her to walk the dog is ok. But why are you even asking about her teeth? How strange. She isn’t 8!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people just think it’s okay to lie. I know someone like this. I think that his parents tended to bend the truth a lot, so he grew up thinking it was fine to lie. I’ve tried to show him how harmful it can be to lie, but it’s as though he just can’t see it.

About brushing teeth and walking the dog? That isn't trying to get away with stuff without Mom and Dad knowing. That's just being lazy and not caring about lying.

Agree

This is not the “overly strict, controlling” parents BS some are claiming. Clearly they aren’t hovering over the teens shoulder to watch the teeth brushing. But they are disappointed that said kid as it brushing and then lying that they are. Maybe after a few root canals and bad breath and yellow teeth they’ll make the connection. Or blame someone else.

Can’t help losers, even if they’re your own kids!

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC lies so effortlessly about small daily things like she didn’t walk the dog but said she did, didn’t brush her teeth but said she did, ate crackers for breakfast but implied she ate eggs. Am I dealing with a sociopath or is this normal teen stuff?

Definitely not normal. How did you raise her that she turned out like that?

[Anonymous]

Eh ignore the trolls. Not totally abnormal but also a learning opportunity for her and a teaching opportunity for you. Also, consider if you’re being too controlling

[Anonymous]

It’s funny when they think you don’t know they’re lying.

[Anonymous]

I have a teen like this who has been a liar all her life. It’s somehow ingrained in her personality. She lies about the mundane, things that have no value or risk (she wouldn’t risk getting in trouble). I don’t get it. Because I’ve noticed this about her from a young age I am very careful to avoid any kind of lying or exaggerating around her (even no “white lies”) and making a point to show telling the truth is always best.

I struggled for years thinking I was such a bad parent. Why does she do it? She does it with other people too. I don’t have any answers. She’s been punished for lying, we’ve explained as nauseum that lies are hard to keep track of so you will get caught, can have a snowball effect that you lose control of, can ruin relationships, etc. Nothing helps.

I don’t have any answers. I wish she would stop.

[Anonymous]

Interesting replies. I have a teen DS that also will lie about having brushed his teeth or taken a shower. I know he’s being lazy and doesn’t want to have to do it at that moment. I don’t see how it’s controlling for parents to try to ensure their child completes basic hygiene tasks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC lies so effortlessly about small daily things like she didn’t walk the dog but said she did, didn’t brush her teeth but said she did, ate crackers for breakfast but implied she ate eggs. Am I dealing with a sociopath or is this normal teen stuff?

Definitely not normal. How did you raise her that she turned out like that?

Does she have ADHD? I’m a pp who said my DS is like this and he has it. I think it’s compensating for forgetting to do things.

[Anonymous]

Interesting take on ADHD. My daughter with ADHD also lies frequently, even to her friends. Most of the time its compensating for taking too long to do something, which I realized was in response to (often my) criticism. If I pause to recognize that she doesn't process/move at my expected speed, she relaxes and the lying stops. If she feels comfortable explaining to friends WHY she doesn't have the time or energy to do all that they do, then she doesn't feel the need to lie to get out of social events.

I agree with a PP that removing the opportunity to lie really works. Back off about the teeth and other small stuff if possible. Say things like "I pre-made some egg cups as an easy breakfast for you--it's good fuel for your body" and walk away. Or "Rex seems to need a second walk today...please take him out again now".

No tolerance for lying about big things, which for me is anything that affects my kid's safety: where she's going, who with, etc. Any lies about those equals a consequence.

[Anonymous]

They lie because they can get away with it.