Acquaintance with DID, how to get over my issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share a hobby and see each other regularly. Right now, interacting with her feels like interacting with a joint Facebook profile - who am I really talking to? I am uncomfortable with this, which I know is my own problem, and I'd like to get over it, but how?

If your friend had another disorder, like MS or cancer, how would you treat the situation?

I'm not sure how this is the same thing. If my friend had MS or cancer, I would know exactly who I was speaking to. With dissociative identify disorder, you don't have that assurance. Some alters can be violent, petty, gossipy, whatever, and while I like this acquaintance's primary alter, I suppose I don't necessarily want to interact with the others. Like I said, it's kind of like interacting with someone with a joint Facebook profile - who are you really talking to?

It’s a condition and you treat them with care no matter what. What if her friend had dementia? You may not know what they’ll remember or even know who you are that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share a hobby and see each other regularly. Right now, interacting with her feels like interacting with a joint Facebook profile - who am I really talking to? I am uncomfortable with this, which I know is my own problem, and I'd like to get over it, but how?

If your friend had another disorder, like MS or cancer, how would you treat the situation?

I'm not sure how this is the same thing. If my friend had MS or cancer, I would know exactly who I was speaking to. With dissociative identify disorder, you don't have that assurance. Some alters can be violent, petty, gossipy, whatever, and while I like this acquaintance's primary alter, I suppose I don't necessarily want to interact with the others. Like I said, it's kind of like interacting with someone with a joint Facebook profile - who are you really talking to?

Honestly, OP, it sounds like either this person is not stable enough to present consistently or you are pretty dramatic. Why does it matter? If they're behaving normally and you're talking to Tanya about cross-stitch except Tanya isn't actually in charge and it's Dani, just keep talking about cross-stitch.

Put less emotional energy into the relationship if it's confusing or the person isn't stable. DID is almost always rooted in intense trauma, so the likelihood of the person being unstable in a variety of ways is pretty high. It is fine to distance yourself from any relationship that requires more than you are willing to invest in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share a hobby and see each other regularly. Right now, interacting with her feels like interacting with a joint Facebook profile - who am I really talking to? I am uncomfortable with this, which I know is my own problem, and I'd like to get over it, but how?

If your friend had another disorder, like MS or cancer, how would you treat the situation?

I'm not sure how this is the same thing. If my friend had MS or cancer, I would know exactly who I was speaking to. With dissociative identify disorder, you don't have that assurance. Some alters can be violent, petty, gossipy, whatever, and while I like this acquaintance's primary alter, I suppose I don't necessarily want to interact with the others. Like I said, it's kind of like interacting with someone with a joint Facebook profile - who are you really talking to?

Honestly, OP, it sounds like either this person is not stable enough to present consistently or you are pretty dramatic. Why does it matter? If they're behaving normally and you're talking to Tanya about cross-stitch except Tanya isn't actually in charge and it's Dani, just keep talking about cross-stitch.

Put less emotional energy into the relationship if it's confusing or the person isn't stable. DID is almost always rooted in intense trauma, so the likelihood of the person being unstable in a variety of ways is pretty high. It is fine to distance yourself from any relationship that requires more than you are willing to invest in it.

They do not present consistently, no. But the bolded is fair, thanks. I guess my concern is that that I won't know which alter is speaking. I'm sorry if this is offensive, but this is very new for me.

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share a hobby and see each other regularly. Right now, interacting with her feels like interacting with a joint Facebook profile - who am I really talking to? I am uncomfortable with this, which I know is my own problem, and I'd like to get over it, but how?

If your friend had another disorder, like MS or cancer, how would you treat the situation?

I'm not sure how this is the same thing. If my friend had MS or cancer, I would know exactly who I was speaking to. With dissociative identify disorder, you don't have that assurance. Some alters can be violent, petty, gossipy, whatever, and while I like this acquaintance's primary alter, I suppose I don't necessarily want to interact with the others. Like I said, it's kind of like interacting with someone with a joint Facebook profile - who are you really talking to?

Honestly, OP, it sounds like either this person is not stable enough to present consistently or you are pretty dramatic. Why does it matter? If they're behaving normally and you're talking to Tanya about cross-stitch except Tanya isn't actually in charge and it's Dani, just keep talking about cross-stitch.

Put less emotional energy into the relationship if it's confusing or the person isn't stable. DID is almost always rooted in intense trauma, so the likelihood of the person being unstable in a variety of ways is pretty high. It is fine to distance yourself from any relationship that requires more than you are willing to invest in it.

They do not present consistently, no. But the bolded is fair, thanks. I guess my concern is that that I won't know which alter is speaking. I'm sorry if this is offensive, but this is very new for me.

Tread carefully is all I’m going to say. DID is quite rare and has a lot of controversy surrounding it. It’s one of the most common disorders for people to make up to get attention.

[Anonymous]

How do you know that this person has this diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to talk to her anymore. I would not. But I do not like interacting with crazy people so...

[Anonymous]

Two friends in one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share a hobby and see each other regularly. Right now, interacting with her feels like interacting with a joint Facebook profile - who am I really talking to? I am uncomfortable with this, which I know is my own problem, and I'd like to get over it, but how?

If your friend had another disorder, like MS or cancer, how would you treat the situation?

I'm not sure how this is the same thing. If my friend had MS or cancer, I would know exactly who I was speaking to. With dissociative identify disorder, you don't have that assurance. Some alters can be violent, petty, gossipy, whatever, and while I like this acquaintance's primary alter, I suppose I don't necessarily want to interact with the others. Like I said, it's kind of like interacting with someone with a joint Facebook profile - who are you really talking to?

Honestly, OP, it sounds like either this person is not stable enough to present consistently or you are pretty dramatic. Why does it matter? If they're behaving normally and you're talking to Tanya about cross-stitch except Tanya isn't actually in charge and it's Dani, just keep talking about cross-stitch.

Put less emotional energy into the relationship if it's confusing or the person isn't stable. DID is almost always rooted in intense trauma, so the likelihood of the person being unstable in a variety of ways is pretty high. It is fine to distance yourself from any relationship that requires more than you are willing to invest in it.

They do not present consistently, no. But the bolded is fair, thanks. I guess my concern is that that I won't know which alter is speaking. I'm sorry if this is offensive, but this is very new for me.

Well, I think in a lot of cases, the person with DID will tell you who they are. They are usually pretty willing to talk about it. I work in mental health, and DID is a complicated scary thing, usually rooted in trauma like I said. It's not uncommon for it to be tangled up in a lot of other stuff and for people's behavior as this alter or that alter to sometimes be pretty self-destructive and potentially dangerous. If it's like Tanya does cross stitch and Dani does crystal meth, that can be a really big issue for everyone, particularly the new friend trying hard not to offend.

My advice is to stay out of it or keep your interactions really focused on the shared activity. If it's only cross-stitch, there's no opening for it to be crystal meth, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that this person has this diagnosis?

NP and I wondered this as well. OP, are you and one of the alters close friends? The (I don't know the formal term, sorry) core or main personality? Did you know her before the other(s) emerged? I'm not sure how one knows about this unless the person tells you, "I have this diagnosis." Are you making this DID diagnosis yourself, based on the friend's behaviors and/or self-proclaimed, "I'm not Tammy, I'm Alice!" moments--? I would think only an extremely close friend, not a casual buddy with a shared activity, would be privy to a medical diagnosis. I'm not doubting you, OP, I'm just not clear how you'd know this other than realizing she insists she's Tammy at some times and Alice at others, when you're with her.

As for how to react, actually I'd ask in a medical forum. See if the National Institute of Mental Health has any online forums, or the National Alliance on Mental Illness. I'd look for their input rather than input here on a general relationships forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share a hobby and see each other regularly. Right now, interacting with her feels like interacting with a joint Facebook profile - who am I really talking to? I am uncomfortable with this, which I know is my own problem, and I'd like to get over it, but how?

If your friend had another disorder, like MS or cancer, how would you treat the situation?

I'm not sure how this is the same thing. If my friend had MS or cancer, I would know exactly who I was speaking to. With dissociative identify disorder, you don't have that assurance. Some alters can be violent, petty, gossipy, whatever, and while I like this acquaintance's primary alter, I suppose I don't necessarily want to interact with the others. Like I said, it's kind of like interacting with someone with a joint Facebook profile - who are you really talking to?

Honestly, OP, it sounds like either this person is not stable enough to present consistently or you are pretty dramatic. Why does it matter? If they're behaving normally and you're talking to Tanya about cross-stitch except Tanya isn't actually in charge and it's Dani, just keep talking about cross-stitch.

Put less emotional energy into the relationship if it's confusing or the person isn't stable. DID is almost always rooted in intense trauma, so the likelihood of the person being unstable in a variety of ways is pretty high. It is fine to distance yourself from any relationship that requires more than you are willing to invest in it.

They do not present consistently, no. But the bolded is fair, thanks. I guess my concern is that that I won't know which alter is speaking. I'm sorry if this is offensive, but this is very new for me.

Tread carefully is all I’m going to say. DID is quite rare and has a lot of controversy surrounding it. It’s one of the most common disorders for people to make up to get attention.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t people speak in English rather than in acronym?

Do you mean type in English? A bit of research won't damage your brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that this person has this diagnosis?

NP and I wondered this as well. OP, are you and one of the alters close friends? The (I don't know the formal term, sorry) core or main personality? Did you know her before the other(s) emerged? I'm not sure how one knows about this unless the person tells you, "I have this diagnosis." Are you making this DID diagnosis yourself, based on the friend's behaviors and/or self-proclaimed, "I'm not Tammy, I'm Alice!" moments--? I would think only an extremely close friend, not a casual buddy with a shared activity, would be privy to a medical diagnosis. I'm not doubting you, OP, I'm just not clear how you'd know this other than realizing she insists she's Tammy at some times and Alice at others, when you're with her.

As for how to react, actually I'd ask in a medical forum. See if the National Institute of Mental Health has any online forums, or the National Alliance on Mental Illness. I'd look for their input rather than input here on a general relationships forum.

Definitely not making the diagnosis myself! Her "umbrella personality" and I are real life acquaintances and Facebook friends, and she's open about her diagnosis on social media. I knew her before she was diagnosed, yes, but not well enough to sense anything was off. The real reason I posted was before she's sent me Facebook friend requests from her alter's profiles, and I felt unsettled by that. I've ignored them (not deleted, so they just show pending), but what happens if one of those alters asks about it in-person? I am clueless here. I will check NAMI!