What to do if a friend is suicidal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your daughter ask about confidentiality. If the roommate is over 18, I would be shocked if the school would contact her parents without permission.

Also, if it feels like a crisis moment, as a bystander your daughter can call 988 and ask for advice.

Finally, is there an RA in the dorm that could help?

This is over the RA's pay grade.

The RA should be the one responsible for connecting the roommate to resources, not for counseling the roommate. It’s a way for OPs daughter to bring it to the schools attention without feeling like she’s betraying her friend. I thought RAs were trained on resources at the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child needs to call the school office who handles this and have them deal with it.

THIS

Your school almost certainly has a counselling office staffed with folks trained to deal with these things.

Your kids should likewise consider speaking to someone as well.

Thanks. If the counselor asks DC to release the name and DC doesn’t want to. What should I do as a parent?

You tell them them the name why is this a question.

I agree with you, but I can’t force DC. keeping anonymity of the kid seems important for some stupid reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son's roommate (not in the dorm) was severely depressed, and I called his mom.

I don’t have the information. Also the parents seem to be the reason the kid refuses to seek professional help. At least that’s what the kid thinks.

[Anonymous]

OP here, does it cross the line if I reach out to the academic advisor of the kid and ask them to check on the kid using academic reasons ( the kid missed many hw already and grade is tanking)?

[Anonymous]

She needs to go to her dorm RA and RA's boss (every school calls them something else).

It happens. Your daughter has no responsibility to maintain confidentiality because the roommate might be in danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, does it cross the line if I reach out to the academic advisor of the kid and ask them to check on the kid using academic reasons ( the kid missed many hw already and grade is tanking)?

Yes.

Call mental health services at the school and give them the name. Or call the staff of your child's dorm building - they will say they cannot give you any information. That does NOT mean that YOU cannot give THEM information. I was an RA. I would go through an entire script whenever I spoke with a parent - but I wrote down EVERY word they said and then discuss with my boss. If someone called and said "my child is Larla Jones and she keeps reporting to me that her roommate is severely depressed and she's scared of suicide...." that would have been elevated IMMEDIATELY to higher ups. I would have gone through my whole script "I cannot confirm nor deny that Larla lives here, but if she does I will convey whatever message....blah blah blah" but then I would have either connected you to my boss to share the info (she would have used the same script), and then we would have met with the student and helped get into the mental health counseling office. And we would have watched them carefully and tried to draw them into social situations.

There are no perfect responses to this situation. Staying silent is the only wrong one.

[Anonymous]

May be DC can ask this kid to reach out to a grand parent or a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, does it cross the line if I reach out to the academic advisor of the kid and ask them to check on the kid using academic reasons ( the kid missed many hw already and grade is tanking)?

An academic advisor won’t reach out to a college freshman because they missed some homework- are you nuts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone! I’ve suggested DC talk to school’ mental heath services. They will meet today. However, the situation is a little bit messy. DC feels can’t bring the name of the kid as the kid clearly doesn’t want school to know in fear of parents knowing. It seems that the parents are partly responsible for the kid’s mental status. They might have forced the kid to sign documents so they have full access to the kid’s records including medical. The kid is also financially dependent on the parents.

I don’t want DC to get too involved, but it seems switching dorms is out of the question now. And dc fears potential future regrets if distancing suddenly. I’m collecting options for DC as I have no experience, and keeping my fingers crossed a right decision will be made.

I feel really bad for your daughter! This is something that she needs to report, including with the name of the student. All of the messy details aren’t her to deal with, but Saving her roommate from suicide is. The professionals will need to deal with those details.

We just lost our friend to suicide And like a pebble tossed in a pond, the ripple effects go far and touched many lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, does it cross the line if I reach out to the academic advisor of the kid and ask them to check on the kid using academic reasons ( the kid missed many hw already and grade is tanking)?

Yes.

Call mental health services at the school and give them the name. Or call the staff of your child's dorm building - they will say they cannot give you any information. That does NOT mean that YOU cannot give THEM information. I was an RA. I would go through an entire script whenever I spoke with a parent - but I wrote down EVERY word they said and then discuss with my boss. If someone called and said "my child is Larla Jones and she keeps reporting to me that her roommate is severely depressed and she's scared of suicide...." that would have been elevated IMMEDIATELY to higher ups. I would have gone through my whole script "I cannot confirm nor deny that Larla lives here, but if she does I will convey whatever message....blah blah blah" but then I would have either connected you to my boss to share the info (she would have used the same script), and then we would have met with the student and helped get into the mental health counseling office. And we would have watched them carefully and tried to draw them into social situations.

There are no perfect responses to this situation. Staying silent is the only wrong one.

Thanks for the information. My worry is that if I report, DC may stop telling me things. They are far from home, and I appreciate the trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone! I’ve suggested DC talk to school’ mental heath services. They will meet today. However, the situation is a little bit messy. DC feels can’t bring the name of the kid as the kid clearly doesn’t want school to know in fear of parents knowing. It seems that the parents are partly responsible for the kid’s mental status. They might have forced the kid to sign documents so they have full access to the kid’s records including medical. The kid is also financially dependent on the parents.

I don’t want DC to get too involved, but it seems switching dorms is out of the question now. And dc fears potential future regrets if distancing suddenly. I’m collecting options for DC as I have no experience, and keeping my fingers crossed a right decision will be made.

This is not your child’s problem to fix. They need to report this to the mental health specialists. The roommate can share these concerns with the counselors.

[Anonymous]

If the roommate goes through with suicide your daughter will live with the regret of not have reported her fully.

And then, if she was my daughter, I would be worried about her mental health. That is a great burden to carry. Do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child needs to call the school office who handles this and have them deal with it.

THIS

Your school almost certainly has a counselling office staffed with folks trained to deal with these things.

Your kids should likewise consider speaking to someone as well.

Thanks. If the counselor asks DC to release the name and DC doesn’t want to. What should I do as a parent?

You tell them them the name why is this a question.

I agree with you, but I can’t force DC. keeping anonymity of the kid seems important for some stupid reasons.

Then you call the counseling center and give them the name of DC's roommate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous call to the RA of the dorm

[Anonymous]

the kid can rescind whatever permission they granted their parents. have them do that if it helps them seek help.

either way, too much burden for your kid. They need help NOW