Would I redeem myself from leeching off my parents into my late twenties by dying before them?

[Anonymous]

Dying after they have given you a million $ in support would be an awful slap in the face to them. Clearly they chose to help you and for all that help to be for nothing….what a waste.

[Anonymous]

Life gets better, OP. Even when you can’t see it at the time.

[Anonymous]

There is no quick fix that "makes up" for anything, OP. Not the quick fix of dying. Not buying flowers, or renting a billboard, or throwing a party.

The only fixes that make up for anything -- whether debt, cheating on a partner, lying, betrayal, any of it -- are the long, boring, every day for a long time ones.

The part of your brain that is looking for a straightforward fix is the part that lies to you. Depression lies. Can you kill yourself? Sure, most anyone can figure out how to do that, but it gets nobody off the hook for anything, and it just makes things worse.

You have to keep showing up and keep trying. You don't have to do it all at once, but you do have to be consistent. Maybe it's time for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. I’m a mom. Nope, no need to “redeem” yourself. Hopefully you’re just having a bad night. Don’t worry about the money. Maybe spend some positive activity time with your parents if you want to “pay them back.”

Not OP, but thank you. I have personality disordered parents who are clear with my siblings and I (and everyone else) that we need to redeem ourselves for how expensive (time, money) it was to raise us. I know it's not true..but it helps to hear it from someone who is a mother.

[Anonymous]

Hey, you seem like you’re in a rough place. Do you feel like you’ve messed up somehow by not being financially independent?

It’s human to mess up. You don’t have to redeem yourself somehow. You are deemed worthy by this mom

All parents want from their kids is for their kids to be ok. Figure out what makes you ok, and don’t worry about your parents. They’re here to support you. You’re here to pay it forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a ridiculous self-narcissistic post to write! What a victim you are, op. Your parents care and give you money, and you will repay them by causing them life long grief of the worst kind.

What? It’s my parents who are the victims.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to tell your parents that you need clinical psychology therapy.

[Anonymous]

Cut ties with them if it’s that painful to you. I’d rather have my kid never speak to me again than consider suicide.

Talk to a therapist, they can help you figure out how to move forward.

[Anonymous]

The only thing I truly fear in life is my child dying before me. It's the same for all parents. Your parents want you alive, and they gave you the money because the love you. The worst thing that could happen to them isn't being owed money, it's you dying.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if OP’s parents hadn’t had the resources to spare, OP would have had to figure out life earlier and be supporting themselves by now.
In that way, it is not OP’s fault at all. They don’t know what person they could have been if they’d had to do it on their own. I knew I was on my own at an early age, and it has been very motivating.
I am close with someone who has struggled through life, struggles with motivation, is careless and makes a lot of mistakes, knowing at the back of their mind that their parents money will be there and they can always just go home. I believe they would be a stronger person if there hadn’t been that money.

So, OP, don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t all your fault. Your parents love you and want you alive, whatever they’ve spent. But maybe it’s time to let them know you want and need to start doing it on your own, even if it means you will be less comfortable for a while. It’s never too late.