if you extended family / inlaws are travel distance away - how do you use your vacation time?

[Anonymous]

We are a cross country flight away from one side and a 5-6 hour drive from the other side. H takes himself and the kids to his parents using 5 vacation days of the measly 12 a year he gets and I take the kids to mine for the same. That leaves us 7 of his days to use for a family vacation which we typically combine with a holiday weekend to that we can make a week out of it for one and then he typically teleworks one full day so we can go away for another week. I cover all random school days off with the remainder of my leave. We never hear the end of it from the ILs who think we should spend all 12 of his days off with them.

[Anonymous]

I never visit them. Last time I went was spring of 2022 for my mother's unveiling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a cross country flight away from one side and a 5-6 hour drive from the other side. H takes himself and the kids to his parents using 5 vacation days of the measly 12 a year he gets and I take the kids to mine for the same. That leaves us 7 of his days to use for a family vacation which we typically combine with a holiday weekend to that we can make a week out of it for one and then he typically teleworks one full day so we can go away for another week. I cover all random school days off with the remainder of my leave. We never hear the end of it from the ILs who think we should spend all 12 of his days off with them.

Honestly I would full stop at giving them five days. We decided early on that no more one “gets” our vacation days. Our house is open, others are free to visit. We will happily play tour guide , take you out for dinner and entertain you on weekends but we are not taking PTO during the week to chauffeur and wait on you hand and foot.

[Anonymous]

I invite them to come to me and remind them that planes fly both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Out of state and out of country grandparents here.

We’d do Thanksgiving at a vacation destination with my parents and my siblings families. Worked out for years until kid sports interceded in late middle school.

We’d also meet up one week at summer beach hour with my side.

We’d take our own spring break or summer trip.

The foreign in laws visit us every year, except Covid years. We visit them every other year, although that’s getting difficult to get away. We’d do a mix, half with them, half in our own exploring.

My spouse visits them 1-2x a year solo. Usually plans a work trip and see them on the weekend each end.

This.

Too busy with school, sports or work demands to burn vacation days sitting around someone else’s house. Kids older than age 8 don’t like it either. Plus there’s the opportunity cost social or school-wise to bring gone every holiday or all summer to sit at grandmas house doing nothing. Or worse, playing on iPads and overeating sweets.

[Anonymous]

We travel to see extended family (most are in the same location) twice a year -- one week in the summer and for the Christmas holiday. Some of our relatives still complain we don't come "home" enough, and those are the same ones who don't take time to visit us. I feel like it's too many of our vacation days spent visiting them, but we usually work remotely some of those days so that we are not wasting so much of it and our kids still get to see their cousins/grandparents. We also try to take those trips when there are holiday days off, so we don't have to use too much of our leave. Otherwise, we would have little time left for nuclear family vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I invite them to come to me and remind them that planes fly both ways.

That's kind of b**chy. You're basically saying "I'm lazy so if you want to see me you'll have to come here" but in a meaner way.

[Anonymous]

We have 4 kids and it's not practical for us to fly across the country to see our family. We haven't been since pre-covid (which is when we only had 2 kids). It costs 6 plane tickets for us to visit the West Coast, 2 plane tickets for grandparents to visit us. It's also hard on our kids (2 of whom are still preschool aged) with time changes.

So, unfortunately, we don't. Our parents come to visit us, OR we meet up at a destination. We also don't have unlimited vacation time (unlike our parents, all of whom are retired) so we prefer to meet up somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I invite them to come to me and remind them that planes fly both ways.

That's kind of b**chy. You're basically saying "I'm lazy so if you want to see me you'll have to come here" but in a meaner way.

I'm neither PP, but I've said similar to my family (about the direction of an interstate). When you're the one making all the effort, you get fed up with it. Maybe the first PP didn't make the effort, but I'd bet $ that he or she did at one point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I invite them to come to me and remind them that planes fly both ways.

That's kind of b**chy. You're basically saying "I'm lazy so if you want to see me you'll have to come here" but in a meaner way.

NP. We do this with my inlaws, but we pay for their flights. We are saying, "We both work full-time and have limited vacation time, whereas you are retired and have unlimited vacation time. We have little kids who don't travel well yet. We have a lovely guest room, and your house can't accommodate our family well." It makes no sense for us to go to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I invite them to come to me and remind them that planes fly both ways.

That's kind of b**chy. You're basically saying "I'm lazy so if you want to see me you'll have to come here" but in a meaner way.

Not even close. It's saying "it's hard to travel as a family of 5 vs 2 ILs, if you want to visit feel free". Why should the larger family have the imposition of flying across the country to visit? That makes no sense at all. It costs more, far more of a hassle and why am I taking vacation days to visit someone who has unlimited PTO (retired).

[Anonymous]

I have learned that a complaint is not a summons.

1. Ignore it
2. Respond “as soon as we win the lottery and can quit our jobs, we’ll have more time to travel to you” or “gee, I wish we could. I have a friend who travels out to see her parents ALL the TIME but she’s a trust fund baby so neither her or her husband have to work. Gee, I wish you and Dad had been richer.” or “ sure, as soon as we retire and aren’t under the constraint of PTO like you, we’ll travel out all the time”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I invite them to come to me and remind them that planes fly both ways.

That's kind of b**chy. You're basically saying "I'm lazy so if you want to see me you'll have to come here" but in a meaner way.

Not even close. It's saying "it's hard to travel as a family of 5 vs 2 ILs, if you want to visit feel free". Why should the larger family have the imposition of flying across the country to visit? That makes no sense at all. It costs more, far more of a hassle and why am I taking vacation days to visit someone who has unlimited PTO (retired).

Because they are so so special!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I invite them to come to me and remind them that planes fly both ways.

That's kind of b**chy. You're basically saying "I'm lazy so if you want to see me you'll have to come here" but in a meaner way.

Not even close. It's saying "it's hard to travel as a family of 5 vs 2 ILs, if you want to visit feel free". Why should the larger family have the imposition of flying across the country to visit? That makes no sense at all. It costs more, far more of a hassle and why am I taking vacation days to visit someone who has unlimited PTO (retired).

Because they are so so special!

Lol yep. The pp who called this "b**chy" is clearly an upset IL who refuses to travel to see their family and expects everyone else to fawn over them and do all the work to see their grandkids.

Planes go both ways, phone calls go both ways, etc. If anyone is complaining about not getting enough attention they are WELCOME to put in more effort. They just never do, and prefer to complain.

[Anonymous]

Are they working? Mobile?
Have them come visit even if you pay for plane and cheap motel.
Vacation is for your family. Not your parents.