Birthday parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dislike most kids birthday parties so my ideal party (if you absolutely have to have one) is Saturday 10am to noon. Simple activity in an easy-to-get-to location (not something a 40 minute drive from where we all live). Party starts on time. Serve bagels and snacks but no need to serve a meal (it just prolongs everyone being there). Do cake 90 minutes into the party. If you have it at a park or playground then people can hang out if they want but once cake happens they can also leave.

I think most kids parties prior to drop off parties (which usually involve the kids' actual friends they made themselves as opposed to the whole class or whoever their parents think they should invite) are horrible and that this whole trend of making them extra elaborate is stupid.

It's a great example of parents shooting themselves in the foot by creating an expensive and time consuming parental obligation that literally no one enjoys (not even the kids -- your 6 yr old would actually be more than happy with a park party because they are too young to know better until you fill their head with fantasies of Sky Zone or whatever). Just stop.

Oh please! Most ES and younger kids birthday parties in our circle have the following in common -
- Invitations go out a month in advance. Usually Evites and then some reminder emails. The day before the party the emails go out again.
- Generally on weekend. 11 am or noon is a popular time
- it could be at a fun venue or at home
- Siblings and parents are also invited
- If at home, some entertainment is provided - magic show, clown, bounce house
- Lunch and cake is provided for all attendees, beer or wine is provided for adults.
- Goody bags for all kids (yes, even the siblings).

- Lunch is served. Cake is served.

This is fine if you have a very homogenous "circle" and it won't be a burden on some families. What you are proposing is expensive. The majority of venues start at around $500 to host a kid's birthday party. Add in a meal for a minumum of 30 people (10 kids plus parents and siblings) plus cake and goody bags and you're easily spending $800-1000. Or more. Perhaps you can save money if you host it at home but (1) you need a house large enough to host this many people and (2) you are demanding rented or hired entertainment. So you're really not saving much and you have the up front cost of a home that can host 30+ people and has space for a magic show or a bounce house or whatever.

Again -- that's fine if your school and social circle exclusively includes families for whom this is not a big deal. And if YOU want to do this -- go for it.

But if there is any economic diversity in your community at all there will be people for whom this is a huge burden if not impossible. Some people live in apartments. Some people don't spend more than $100-200 on a kid's birthday total including gifts. Others can afford to have a party (and most people do want to have some kind of party for their kid to mark their birthday -- which is the point not providing a fun time for the parents of all their classmates) but can't do anything close to what you describe.

So you can throw out your expectations and privately seethe at people who have Saturday morning park parties with bagels and coffee or people who don't invite siblings or who only invite 4 kids for a small party in their apartment or whatever. But none of it will change the fact that some people simply CANNOT do what you are insisting is required.

[Anonymous]

I try very hard to attend all bday parties but I declined:
- Parties that end at 7pm or later with a 30min drive home.
- Any weekday parties from 3-6pm involving rush hour traffic.

My DS went to a sleepover that started at 7pm, and while I'd fed him dinner, 2 other kids didn't eat at home and came straight from another activity. The host wasn't prepared to serve dinner so I think they ate bagels and bananas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always serve food.

This. People will expect food no matter time you have it. And I don't just mean cake and ice cream. Real food like pizza.

[Anonymous]

The day and time mean less to me than the distance. I don't drive more than 20 minutes.

[Anonymous]

I think it really depends on the age. For a party, would much prefer kids stay until 10 pm than a sleepover.

Weekdays feel like an obvious no … but I have been a parent for a long time, and this has never come up.

I disagree about always having to serve food. My experience is kids barely eat besides cake, especially if it’s not meal time.

[Anonymous]

I think kids always expect to have pizza & cake no matter what time the bday party is. We provided cup cakes and chips/snacks and drinks at 1st bday party and kids asked why no pizza. We learned the lessons and always include pizza even the party time’s from 1:30-4pm. Weekend party is easier but you can’t please everyone since some have sport in the morning while others have in the afternoon. Weekday is hard unless it’s a school day off or last day of a long weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it really depends on the age. For a party, would much prefer kids stay until 10 pm than a sleepover.

Weekdays feel like an obvious no … but I have been a parent for a long time, and this has never come up.

I disagree about always having to serve food. My experience is kids barely eat besides cake, especially if it’s not meal time.

I think you have to serve some kind of food but I agree the expectation that it be pizza or similar is silly unless the party is actually during a meal time. If a morning party ends by noon or an afternoon party ends by 5pm I would not expect any more than snacks and would have planned to feed my kid after anyway.

But I also have a kid who hates pizza and is picky generally so there is no benefit to me if the hosts DO serve pizza -- my kid won't eat it anyway. We've been to parties where they served tacos and quesadillas or hamburgers and hot dogs and honestly none of that is a hit either.

I think most of the people in this thread demanding a certain level of food mostly mean for the adults. And I do agree if it's not a drop off party and it's more than 90 minutes or so you need to provide real food for the grown ups. But again I don't really care what it is. I've been to morning parties where there was a big bagel spread with lox and cream cheese and veggies and fruit and honestly that was nicer than getting a slice of pepperoni pizza from dominos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think kids always expect to have pizza & cake no matter what time the bday party is. We provided cup cakes and chips/snacks and drinks at 1st bday party and kids asked why no pizza. We learned the lessons and always include pizza even the party time’s from 1:30-4pm. Weekend party is easier but you can’t please everyone since some have sport in the morning while others have in the afternoon. Weekday is hard unless it’s a school day off or last day of a long weekend.

Devil's advocate -- it's actually good for kids to get used to the idea that not every party is the same. When my kid was 5 she went to a party that didn't have good bags. She was really disappointed. I thought it was fine -- goody bags are mostly just plastic junk that will need to be thrown away in a week. It's several years later now and she doesn't care about good bags. Turns out it wasn't the big crisis she sort of thought it was at the time.

Look we all want to make these kids happy and give them what they want. But also we are not slaves to these little children. It's actually our job to teach them to be somewhat flexible and to make the best of things. That PP who had the long list of things she demands from kid's birthday parties probably throws a great birthday party. But she's probably also kind of miserable all the time because I'm sure people don't live up to her very high and rigid standards a lot. I want my kid to grow up to be the kind of person who shows up to a party and is a gracious guest and doesn't flip out because they aren't serving the precise thing she were expecting them to serve. Or who might be disappointed at times but can handle that disappointment and move on. And that means dealing with disappointment now and not sending all the adults scurrying to meet the very precise expectations of young kids who don't even have much experience or point of reference with any of this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always serve food.

This. People will expect food no matter time you have it. And I don't just mean cake and ice cream. Real food like pizza.

+1. Pizza and cake are easy and should be the bare minimum no matter what time. Or muffins/bagels in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids always expect to have pizza & cake no matter what time the bday party is. We provided cup cakes and chips/snacks and drinks at 1st bday party and kids asked why no pizza. We learned the lessons and always include pizza even the party time’s from 1:30-4pm. Weekend party is easier but you can’t please everyone since some have sport in the morning while others have in the afternoon. Weekday is hard unless it’s a school day off or last day of a long weekend.

Devil's advocate -- it's actually good for kids to get used to the idea that not every party is the same. When my kid was 5 she went to a party that didn't have good bags. She was really disappointed. I thought it was fine -- goody bags are mostly just plastic junk that will need to be thrown away in a week. It's several years later now and she doesn't care about good bags. Turns out it wasn't the big crisis she sort of thought it was at the time.

Look we all want to make these kids happy and give them what they want. But also we are not slaves to these little children. It's actually our job to teach them to be somewhat flexible and to make the best of things. That PP who had the long list of things she demands from kid's birthday parties probably throws a great birthday party. But she's probably also kind of miserable all the time because I'm sure people don't live up to her very high and rigid standards a lot. I want my kid to grow up to be the kind of person who shows up to a party and is a gracious guest and doesn't flip out because they aren't serving the precise thing she were expecting them to serve. Or who might be disappointed at times but can handle that disappointment and move on. And that means dealing with disappointment now and not sending all the adults scurrying to meet the very precise expectations of young kids who don't even have much experience or point of reference with any of this stuff.

PP I love this outlook - you and your DD would be welcome at any birthday party we host!

[Anonymous]

We do parties ar 10:30 or 11 on a weekend day. Ive been to ones at all hours on a weekend and some small ones on weekdays. If we cant make it, i just let people know. I like when there is real food as kids always want food even if i just fed them.
I don't do goody bags anymore for our parties but we also do not ask or expect gifts.

[Anonymous]

Our kid doesn't do team sports but many of her friends and classmates do. Are there common times for i.e. soccer practices and games that we should try to work around, or does it vary enough that it doesn't matter?

[Anonymous]

Weekend mornings are hard with sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think kids always expect to have pizza & cake no matter what time the bday party is. We provided cup cakes and chips/snacks and drinks at 1st bday party and kids asked why no pizza. We learned the lessons and always include pizza even the party time’s from 1:30-4pm. Weekend party is easier but you can’t please everyone since some have sport in the morning while others have in the afternoon. Weekday is hard unless it’s a school day off or last day of a long weekend.

I disagree with this. It’s stupid to have pizza when it’s not meal time. Snacks? Absolutely. But a full meal is not necessary or expected between 1:00 and 4:00pm. My kid’s favorite parties are morning parties with doughnuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During school or sleeping hours are off limits.

Lunch: anything starting at 11am or lasting until 1. If the party started at 1, no lunch.
Dinner: the party has to end by 5:30 to avoid dinner.

If the party ends anytime after 4:00 you should serve food. I would absolutely expect you to serve dinner at a party that ends at 5:30