Best practices for cleaning out apartment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you have young children and that you have been dealing with moving your parents for the past 5 years.

How old are your parents? Can they help with any of this?

OP here—Parents are not in good health. In their upper 80s. Move is to a facility with a higher level of care.

Current AL place will be no help other than maybe allowing us access to their dumpster.

Having access to a dumpster is huge actually. If they were in poor enough condition to have to move into that facility in the first place then it’s doubtful that what they brought into their apartment was heavy. I would just roll up my sleeves and start separating out what they actually use from what they don’t use. Toss trash and worn out items.

Why would you assume they don’t have anything heavy if they are in AL place? Movers move elderly into AL places too. And people can accumulate a lot of stuff very quickly—especially if they know how to use a computer to order things.

I meant that they wouldn’t have been out shopping and accumulating more heavy stuff than what they moved there with.

Definitely decide which furniture will be kept and which furniture will be going to their new place.

Be glad you don’t have to clear out a 3 level house with every closet crammed full and a large shed out back filled with cinder blocks, car jacks and bags of cement.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to imagine if you haven’t been there but I now lie like crazy to my mother. I told her a co-worker (completely imaginary) was leaving an abusive marriage/ a neighbor is going back to school to better herself/ an acquaintance had a kitchen fire, etc; and they would love her plates, old coats, plants etc.

Then I donated anything good but most went into the trash. It was just easier for her to let go of things if she thought someone wanted them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to imagine if you haven’t been there but I now lie like crazy to my mother. I told her a co-worker (completely imaginary) was leaving an abusive marriage/ a neighbor is going back to school to better herself/ an acquaintance had a kitchen fire, etc; and they would love her plates, old coats, plants etc.

Then I donated anything good but most went into the trash. It was just easier for her to let go of things if she thought someone wanted them.

This is a good strategy! It can (sometimes) work with cars too--when they shouldn't be driving but don't want to give up their car.

[Anonymous]

Look for “organizing services” in their area. There are people who specialize in this. Check on local FB pages or ask on Nextdoor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to imagine if you haven’t been there but I now lie like crazy to my mother. I told her a co-worker (completely imaginary) was leaving an abusive marriage/ a neighbor is going back to school to better herself/ an acquaintance had a kitchen fire, etc; and they would love her plates, old coats, plants etc.

Then I donated anything good but most went into the trash. It was just easier for her to let go of things if she thought someone wanted them.

This is a good strategy! It can (sometimes) work with cars too--when they shouldn't be driving but don't want to give up their car.

The only issue is keeping track of which imaginary person got something really nostalgic. My aunt called me and asked if Mary wanted more plates since it was the same pattern plates as my mom had. I had think who Mary was. I called my cousin and she said please take the plates because no one in their family wanted them and they were desperate to get my aunt ti downsize.

So it turns out Mary has a sister who would love the plates because coincidently she has a sister who wants them so when they have big family gatherings they can share them. My mom and aunt love the thought their plates are being used when in reality they are in a dumpster.

[Anonymous]

We had to clean out my mother's house to move her to independent living in a CCRC. She has moderate-grade hoarder tendencies -- it was a nightmare. It was like the Portrait of Dorian Gray, except more like the Three-Car Garage of Dorian Gray -- clean public spaces in her house, and then you'd open a closet or a back bedroom or the garage and do some primal screaming.

My mom still has all her intellectual faculties, but has physical limitations. We also ended up telling lots (and LOTS) of white lies. Like, "we took these old mildewy books that were in the garage and the mice got into them to the library." Or "we took this 40 year old bedding that NOBODY will use to Goodwill." Or "we took those 30 year old godawful decorative wreaths and your broken-down cat tree to the loading dock of your new CCRC because people come take stuff from there (but really this crap is going to the dumpster at the loading dock)."

Lie if you have to, throw it out if you have to, whatever you need to do to make your life easier. I'm on the freakishly green side IRL and I threw stuff into the dumpster like my life depended on it. The sad truth is that the best thing we can do to cut down on waste and landfill use is make sure in our own lives that stuff doesn't come into our houses that we don't need. With respect to our parents' stuff, there's a limited amount that's actually useful to anybody.

[Anonymous]

Op here—sadly my parents are so out of it they don’t even care about the stuff anymore. So at least there’s that. The issue is that they continue to buy stuff (online magic!) and have accumulated an incredible amount of things that need dispersing.

[Anonymous]

Try caring transitions. If stuff is good enough they will sell or donate for you. It doesn’t have to be high end (sounds like a lot of it is newer) but if you’re lucky the money they get from sale will cover their costs and save you some labor and time.

[Anonymous]

Some of the trash-hauling services will also take items to donation sites (before taking the rest to a dump). College Hunks definitely does, and I think some of the others do, too.

Get the stuff you want moved out of there and leave everything else for helpful strangers to deal with. You are stretched thin already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had to clean out my mother's house to move her to independent living in a CCRC. She has moderate-grade hoarder tendencies -- it was a nightmare. It was like the Portrait of Dorian Gray, except more like the Three-Car Garage of Dorian Gray -- clean public spaces in her house, and then you'd open a closet or a back bedroom or the garage and do some primal screaming.

My mom still has all her intellectual faculties, but has physical limitations. We also ended up telling lots (and LOTS) of white lies. Like, "we took these old mildewy books that were in the garage and the mice got into them to the library." Or "we took this 40 year old bedding that NOBODY will use to Goodwill." Or "we took those 30 year old godawful decorative wreaths and your broken-down cat tree to the loading dock of your new CCRC because people come take stuff from there (but really this crap is going to the dumpster at the loading dock)."

Lie if you have to, throw it out if you have to, whatever you need to do to make your life easier. I'm on the freakishly green side IRL and I threw stuff into the dumpster like my life depended on it. The sad truth is that the best thing we can do to cut down on waste and landfill use is make sure in our own lives that stuff doesn't come into our houses that we don't need. With respect to our parents' stuff, there's a limited amount that's actually useful to anybody.

Did I write this post?!? lol! The sale of my parents' house just closed on Monday and I will never forget the 6 months I spent cleaning out their place (6 hours away from MD) in between managing their transition to IL after my dad's stroke, caring for my own kids and working a FT job. So.many.dumpsters.

OP, what about moving your mom first (thus ensuring she has everything required) and then hiring a junk removal place to get the rest? I realize that's more expensive as her rent payments will be double, but maybe it will make cleanout of the old place easier?

[Anonymous]

Get a quote from Ararity.
They’ll charge you a flare rate fee to remove everything and sort for trash or donate or sell.
If anything can be sold, they’ll put it up on auction online and you’ll get 60%. Could be enough to cover cost of the clean out or maybe more. And you didn’t have to do the labor.

Remove any items you don’t want them to take before you call for the appraisal though because their estimate is also based on whether there might be items they can sell at auction. And if those items are suddenly all gone before the clean out, that won’t be good.