How bad is what my 80yo dad does?
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Anonymous
| My husband helped a guy find his earbuds in the street where his stolen car was found. The man, an Arab from the Middle East, was so touched he promised to help our family in any way if we are ever in his home country, and he gave my husband, who happens to be Jewish, a warm hug. My husband was greatly moved by this, and when he told me the story the main point was the hug, not the fact that someone’s car was carjacked. He was just saying how nice older foreign people are (like my late parents, from India). |
Anonymous
| Older people are given some grace in this area, especially when the “touching” is as innocuous as a head pat or a double hand shake. Please don’t worry about it op. |
Anonymous
| Not as bad posting coy post titles that hide the question. |
Anonymous
No I meant the patting on the head I saw the handshake more than once but it’s not too bad to I just told him it’s not really the way to do it. He still does it. |
Anonymous
Thank you for being kind! |
Anonymous
I think a hug is much less weird tbh |
Anonymous
It’s literally in my OP that no we aren’t. I am a bit scared of all the harassment claim stories that I hear, I probably shouldn’t be |
Anonymous
Stop watching Fox News. There are no "harassment claims" from people walking down the street with neighbors. |
Anonymous
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I'll offer a counter view to what's been posted. Some forms of dementia (FTD) have a loss of inhibition where the patient doesn't understand what is proper or acceptable and what is not. My dad would talk to strangers who clearly did not want to talk to him, and we would have to take his arm and pull him away. His
This was in addition to other symptoms, though, like memory loss, cognition loss, etc. If your dad is otherwise fine then it's most likely just strange and new customs. |
Anonymous
No one is getting offended by your 80 year recent immigrant father who is trying to be nice. The two hand thing is charming. I’m a 50 year old woman riser here and I do it when the relationship is stronger than a handshake but not yet a hug. And getting patted on the head in a presumably gentle way? Like I’m much younger than I am? Ok. Seems ok. |
Anonymous
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Good heavens.
He sounds sweet and earnest. You're waaaaay too concerned. |
Anonymous
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I think your discomfort stems from your never having seen your father interact with people this way before. It’s new to you and you’re questioning whether something has changed with him. If you’re not seeing any other behavioral changes, I wouldn’t worry about it.
As my dad aged, he eventually stopped being the ruggedly masculine, hard charging guy of his youth and transformed into a soft spoken, tender grandpa with endless patience. The aging process softened his edges and made him a little more emotional. People are humbled when they’re confronting their mortality and it makes them grateful for all the help they receive that they didn’t need just a few short years ago. Combine all of that with your dad’s recent major life change and the extra friendliness and kindness he’s been shown, and his actions are understandable. He sounds like a nice old man. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the kind responses here, like the one directly above, and the one about elderly people being shown grace here, but if I’m being honest I would be very, very uncomfortable if a stranger asked for my help and then patted me on the head. I wouldn’t take legal action or anything like that, but thank you for being thoughtful and I agree that there’s something just a little off culturally here about that. |
Anonymous
| Is this a troll post? |
Anonymous
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I work with older adults and this is very common behavior regardless of cultural background/gender. I think (most) people would see this kind of touch as non-threatening or weird, especially given that he's elderly.
Your dad sounds very sweet. 
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