Married to ADD, seeking advice

[Anonymous]

As you know nothing about me you can not even fathom what I think and/or know.

My son does indeed have ADHD as well as some other behavior issues, and due to my dedication to not medicating him and research he has been able to avoid such so far.

I was simply stating that if my young son can work hard to take even some responsibility for his actions and behavior that a grown man should be able to do the same, at the very least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP! My DH has ADHD and is medicated for it. Still, it's difficult to live with at times. And I'm always frustrated when he uses it as an excuse, even though it's a legitimate one.

I'm sure it's very frustrating, as we hear time and again on DCUM and elsewhere. (i.e. recently the NYTimes)

May I-- as the spouse WITH ADD-- just take this opportunity to add something to the discussion? Please don't use our ADD as an excuse to blame us for everything that goes wrong. Not saying that YOU do this, PP, but my DH blames every miscommunication, every lost item, every missed opportunity, on me. My ADD has become the scapegoat for every failing in our marriage/household, and my resentment has become pretty darn thick. For someone who is himself a disorganized and sometimes depressed hoarder, I'm the perfect wife because nothing is ever his fault! In a relationship between two people with excellent executive functioning skills, there will be misunderstandings, lost car keys, an overlooked parking ticket. Not fair that in a relationship where one partner has ADD, that partner de facto gets the blame for it.

Just saying that while you can and should express legitimate frustrations, please be thoughtful and honest about your own mistakes. Those of us with ADD carry an enormous psychic burden of guilt, self-criticism, self-doubt, etc. (Yes, many of us are more likely to beat ourselves up than offer an excuse.) If you love us, don't add to it if it's unwarranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As you know nothing about me you can not even fathom what I think and/or know.

My son does indeed have ADHD as well as some other behavior issues, and due to my dedication to not medicating him and research he has been able to avoid such so far.

I was simply stating that if my young son can work hard to take even some responsibility for his actions and behavior that a grown man should be able to do the same, at the very least.

Do you have no understanding that there are varying degrees of the disorder? Your "commitment" to keeping your DS off medicine has no bearing on the conversation or questions the OP originated. It simply speaks that you would rather scream, "Hey! I'm opinionated! So much so that I want to jam it down your throat!" A person either has a disorder that should be treated, or he doesn't and it doesn't need treatment. Choosing to not treat a disorder that requires treatment in a child is abusive. An adult who choses to do that is narcissistic. Please don't try to extrapolate your own myopic viewpoint into something you clearly don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As you know nothing about me you can not even fathom what I think and/or know.

My son does indeed have ADHD as well as some other behavior issues, and due to my dedication to not medicating him and research he has been able to avoid such so far.

I was simply stating that if my young son can work hard to take even some responsibility for his actions and behavior that a grown man should be able to do the same, at the very least.

Based on your posts, you've shown how just how little you know and how little you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As you know nothing about me you can not even fathom what I think and/or know.

My son does indeed have ADHD as well as some other behavior issues, and due to my dedication to not medicating him and research he has been able to avoid such so far.

I was simply stating that if my young son can work hard to take even some responsibility for his actions and behavior that a grown man should be able to do the same, at the very least.

Based on your posts, you've shown how just how little you know and how little you think.

WHY are you whoever you are SO obsessed with me and my opinion. I was giving my feedback from what I do know from my own experience. Why don't you do the same and stop trying to create a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
WHY are you whoever you are SO obsessed with me and my opinion. I waees giving my feedback from what I do know from my own experience. Why don't you do the same and stop trying to create a problem.

You are narcassistic, aren't you? The problem with your opinions is that they are contrary to peer reviewed research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
WHY are you whoever you are SO obsessed with me and my opinion. I waees giving my feedback from what I do know from my own experience. Why don't you do the same and stop trying to create a problem.

You are narcassistic, aren't you? The problem with your opinions is that they are contrary to peer reviewed research.

And not helpful.

[Anonymous]

Ok folks, back to OP's question.

ADD wife here. When DH and I started dating his credit was ridiculous. So I pay ALL the bills, unless it's on auto-payment. He gets an allowance (mutually agreed upon) so he can't tap into the $$ we use to pay the bills.

We use google calendar a lot. I also have to limit task lists to 2 items. We keep a wipe board on the fridge of everything that we need, but I try not to let him go shopping by himself (if I can help it). Can't do much for the online purchases, though, but with the allowance, he's given a buffer for random stuff.