10 year old LOVES sports and is athletic but not remotely aggressive

[Anonymous]

Baseball. It is like an individual sport wrapped up in a team sport. My kids were all like this so we put them in baseball and softball. Best thing for them. All three have a second sport as well and one has grown up to be a lot more aggressive at 12, now playing a team sport that requires that aggression. The other two play individual sports for their second sport.

[Anonymous]

Puberty changes this for a lot of boys. My kid was skilled but super tentative, then by 15 he was very aggressive in a controlled way.

Part of this was probably also switching teams to a team that had a lot of heavy contact in practices (e.g. “no fouls” drills where fouls weren’t called, drills where kids had to dive for and wrestle for the ball, drills where kids got hit hard and had to finish a layup).

I also second the boxing or MMA refs. I know when I did full karate in a school that allowed contact I stopped noticing contact in the same way — I realized most of what people feel when they get bumped is indignation at the contact, not any real effect of a minor bump.

[Anonymous]

I was like this and liked track and cross country. You're mainly competing against yourself.

[Anonymous]

Bring him back down to the rec level where kids are playing for fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there boys volleyball?

I second volleyball. If he doesn't want the physical contact (trying to get the ball from the other players), volleyball is the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him time. Puberty is a huge game changer with sports.

OP here. Thanks, this seems to be a common piece of advice so will definitely do this. He is not remotely entering puberty (I don't think) and is easily a foot shorter than some of the kids on these teams despite being in the 50th percentile. He is definitely slight though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was like this and liked track and cross country. You're mainly competing against yourself.

Thanks! Had not considered this. Kid can run endlessly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rowing…in a few years

You have to be insanely aggressive - in the sense of being willing and able to push yourself until you puke - to be an excellent rower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A family from our travel hockey team with similar concerns put their kid in boxing, and we saw a significant change after about six months.

My kid has always been more aggressive than skilled, but once some kids started puberty before him, he's all about getting faster and more skilled!

Ugh. Not if you want a functioning brain for the rest of your life.

OP here. I am sure there is a rationale here but I can't even fathom putting him in boxing. He would be horrified and probably need a therapist. I am really trying to wrap my head around kids in boxing. I know there is youth wrestling but boxing?! Honestly, my resorts is what the hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10 year old LOVES sports. All sports. Loves to play rec, loves to play with friends, is in very good physical shape. He wants to do more competitive sports and he easily made a travel basketball and soccer league last year, but once he was on the team it was awful--he was so intimidated by the level of playing and barely got any playing time...and even when he did, he didn't touch the ball.

I'd like to get him involved in some other activities that will let him be athletic but not require such assertiveness. Maybe tennis? He says no to karate, swimming and gymnastics. He adores basketball, soccer and flag football....so long as he doesn't have to touch anyone lol.

Was it awful for him, or awful for you?

If he loved it, then let him do it. The aggressiveness will come, or it won't, but the point of kid sports is to be active, be with friends, have fun. If he's meeting those goals, and not touching the ball, that's fine.

If it was awful for him, and he loved rec before that, go back to rec.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Puberty changes this for a lot of boys. My kid was skilled but super tentative, then by 15 he was very aggressive in a controlled way.

Part of this was probably also switching teams to a team that had a lot of heavy contact in practices (e.g. “no fouls” drills where fouls weren’t called, drills where kids had to dive for and wrestle for the ball, drills where kids got hit hard and had to finish a layup).

I also second the boxing or MMA refs. I know when I did full karate in a school that allowed contact I stopped noticing contact in the same way — I realized most of what people feel when they get bumped is indignation at the contact, not any real effect of a minor bump.

OP here. Totally agree he needs to break through the fear factor and being on a team that does the drills you describe would be helpful for him. Not sure about the boxing part. Imaging him in boxing is a crazy thought. I think he would bolt. He truly would probably prefer ballet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10 year old LOVES sports. All sports. Loves to play rec, loves to play with friends, is in very good physical shape. He wants to do more competitive sports and he easily made a travel basketball and soccer league last year, but once he was on the team it was awful--he was so intimidated by the level of playing and barely got any playing time...and even when he did, he didn't touch the ball.

I'd like to get him involved in some other activities that will let him be athletic but not require such assertiveness. Maybe tennis? He says no to karate, swimming and gymnastics. He adores basketball, soccer and flag football....so long as he doesn't have to touch anyone lol.

Was it awful for him, or awful for you?

If he loved it, then let him do it. The aggressiveness will come, or it won't, but the point of kid sports is to be active, be with friends, have fun. If he's meeting those goals, and not touching the ball, that's fine.

If it was awful for him, and he loved rec before that, go back to rec.

OP here. Bingo. awful for me. He was pretty OK. I felt like I was getting crazier every game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10 year old LOVES sports. All sports. Loves to play rec, loves to play with friends, is in very good physical shape. He wants to do more competitive sports and he easily made a travel basketball and soccer league last year, but once he was on the team it was awful--he was so intimidated by the level of playing and barely got any playing time...and even when he did, he didn't touch the ball.

I'd like to get him involved in some other activities that will let him be athletic but not require such assertiveness. Maybe tennis? He says no to karate, swimming and gymnastics. He adores basketball, soccer and flag football....so long as he doesn't have to touch anyone lol.

Was it awful for him, or awful for you?

If he loved it, then let him do it. The aggressiveness will come, or it won't, but the point of kid sports is to be active, be with friends, have fun. If he's meeting those goals, and not touching the ball, that's fine.

If it was awful for him, and he loved rec before that, go back to rec.

OP here. Bingo. awful for me. He was pretty OK. I felt like I was getting crazier every game.

Then you need to put his needs to be social and active and happy and healthy over your need to see your kid win.

Sorry to be blunt, but maybe let him carpool to the games if you're at the point of taking away something he loves and that's good for him because you can't tolerate watching him not win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10 year old LOVES sports. All sports. Loves to play rec, loves to play with friends, is in very good physical shape. He wants to do more competitive sports and he easily made a travel basketball and soccer league last year, but once he was on the team it was awful--he was so intimidated by the level of playing and barely got any playing time...and even when he did, he didn't touch the ball.

I'd like to get him involved in some other activities that will let him be athletic but not require such assertiveness. Maybe tennis? He says no to karate, swimming and gymnastics. He adores basketball, soccer and flag football....so long as he doesn't have to touch anyone lol.

Was it awful for him, or awful for you?

If he loved it, then let him do it. The aggressiveness will come, or it won't, but the point of kid sports is to be active, be with friends, have fun. If he's meeting those goals, and not touching the ball, that's fine.

If it was awful for him, and he loved rec before that, go back to rec.

OP here. Bingo. awful for me. He was pretty OK. I felt like I was getting crazier every game.

Then you need to put his needs to be social and active and happy and healthy over your need to see your kid win.

Sorry to be blunt, but maybe let him carpool to the games if you're at the point of taking away something he loves and that's good for him because you can't tolerate watching him not win.

Totally fair and accute. I am not going to game on Tuesday b/c I 100% realize I am an issue. I would like for him to not just be focused on one sport at such a young age so still interested in signing him up for some other activities. But on basketball, you are fully accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baseball. It is like an individual sport wrapped up in a team sport. My kids were all like this so we put them in baseball and softball. Best thing for them. All three have a second sport as well and one has grown up to be a lot more aggressive at 12, now playing a team sport that requires that aggression. The other two play individual sports for their second sport.

I agree that Baseball has plenty of spots for kids who aren’t particularly aggressive.