Retired grandparents for school off day cares, anyone?

[Anonymous]

You are allowing them to have a very shallow relationship (both parties: the kids and the parents). It is sad that you have allowed this to continue (well beyond your child care needs!)

Your parents will die without knowing your kids and vice versa. I would discuss your hesitation honestly with the kids (why the mystery??). Then see who is more amenable to learning the language. I mean in the interim, they can even use google translate.

I feel bad for your parents, really.

Your kids seem to sense that this set up is odd.

PS-By adulthood, most people wish they had learned a second language in childhood. Do you have hangups about that because you are a first generation American? It would help your kids, who would find the process much easier than your grandparents. You could make it a fun game, starting with vocabulary that would come up on a visit.

[Anonymous]

I would however inform your parents to abide by your screen rules, or you will not bring the kids to stay again.

It is okay if they are a little spoiled there, but not no rules.

Once they can communicate, the tendency to stick them in front of screens may go down.

Show respect to your parents: like (depending upon the age of the kids) maybe they could all cook a traditonal meal together, that you and your husband can enjoy.

You could also make outdoor activities easy on them (like bring an easy outdoor game or scavenger hunt sheets from google, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would however inform your parents to abide by your screen rules, or you will not bring the kids to stay again.

It is okay if they are a little spoiled there, but not no rules.

Once they can communicate, the tendency to stick them in front of screens may go down.

Show respect to your parents: like (depending upon the age of the kids) maybe they could all cook a traditonal meal together, that you and your husband can enjoy.

You could also make outdoor activities easy on them (like bring an easy outdoor game or scavenger hunt sheets from google, etc).

The sheets could be bilingual. Make it fun.

You seem very unmotivated to encourage a close relationship between them, which is sad.

[Anonymous]

OP here. They are my parents, not my ILs.

Both of my kids have speech disorder, and it has taken them many years of speech therapies to be able to speak in English. They are currently still in weekly speech therapies with IEP that I have spent like probably $30k over years. One kid still falls behind in speech development in talking (combined with dyslexia, can't read anything), and the other kid still has articulation problem in English. I have not pushing too hard on them learning native language because they still can't speak English well even with daily exposure. Their speech problem is still unresolved, and one kid struggles with schoolwork due to unable to read/unable to speak well for teamwork. They are both in ES.

My parents don't have any hobbies, so they normally just sit at home relaxing and watching tv all day. They don't have a lot of energy to handle 2 energetic kids, so that is why they give them screen time to keep them quiet. I don't blame them. DH can't communicate to my parents and I have been the translator for my family members. My native language is one of the hardest language to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. They are my parents, not my ILs.

Both of my kids have speech disorder, and it has taken them many years of speech therapies to be able to speak in English. They are currently still in weekly speech therapies with IEP that I have spent like probably $30k over years. One kid still falls behind in speech development in talking (combined with dyslexia, can't read anything), and the other kid still has articulation problem in English. I have not pushing too hard on them learning native language because they still can't speak English well even with daily exposure. Their speech problem is still unresolved, and one kid struggles with schoolwork due to unable to read/unable to speak well for teamwork. They are both in ES.

My parents don't have any hobbies, so they normally just sit at home relaxing and watching tv all day. They don't have a lot of energy to handle 2 energetic kids, so that is why they give them screen time to keep them quiet. I don't blame them. DH can't communicate to my parents and I have been the translator for my family members. My native language is one of the hardest language to learn.

I’m really confused as to why you’re not speaking to your kids in your native language and just letting your DH speak to them in English. It’s not going to help the speech/dyslexia issues to keep them monolingual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to have a really negative view of your ILs, which is apparent from your post. You are not required to send them there on days off. As others have said, there could be benefits including language. But if grandparents aren't up to the task, then they are not.

For example my parents often help us out on days off but they usually come to our place. It would be too tiring for them to deal with our young energetic kids completely on their own but they are a huge help with us here to do some backup and logistics.

Np. It's her parents. Not in-laws. Reading is fundemental

[Anonymous]

They'll be fine. Give them 100% about the kids will pick up the language. Hell, pretty sure I could too.

[Anonymous]

Immersion language learning is the most effective way to learn a new language.

It baffles me that this is the major obstacle in your life with the kids. They will learn words and they will be able to communicate just fine. I would jump at the opportunity to have my kids learn a second language with the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immersion language learning is the most effective way to learn a new language.

It baffles me that this is the major obstacle in your life with the kids. They will learn words and they will be able to communicate just fine. I would jump at the opportunity to have my kids learn a second language with the grandparents.

Y’all really don’t understand speech disabilities. It is completely reasonable that OP is focused on English for her kids. Lots of people pull their kids from bilingual schools when they realize their English language acquisition is struggling because there are underlying processing issues. People here are being way too cavalier about the struggles of kids with speech processing disorders to learn a second language. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Shame on you for not tracing your kids your mother tongue

[Anonymous]

I'd limit time with the grandparents. Sounds like the daycare/camps with actual activities (not screens) and kids to play with is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shame on you for not tracing your kids your mother tongue

It's op's decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s too bad that they didn’t learn your native language. Most Americans only speak English and it’s harder to learn a language without being immersed in it.

Both my parents are immigrants and neither taught me their native language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are allowing them to have a very shallow relationship (both parties: the kids and the parents). It is sad that you have allowed this to continue (well beyond your child care needs!)

Your parents will die without knowing your kids and vice versa. I would discuss your hesitation honestly with the kids (why the mystery??). Then see who is more amenable to learning the language. I mean in the interim, they can even use google translate.

I feel bad for your parents, really.

Your kids seem to sense that this set up is odd.

PS-By adulthood, most people wish they had learned a second language in childhood. Do you have hangups about that because you are a first generation American? It would help your kids, who would find the process much easier than your grandparents. You could make it a fun game, starting with vocabulary that would come up on a visit.

Wishing it and taking the time and having the discipline to do it are different. I'm first generation and spent many summers in my mom's native country, but I still have limited abilities in that language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s too bad that they didn’t learn your native language. Most Americans only speak English and it’s harder to learn a language without being immersed in it.

Both my parents are immigrants and neither taught me their native language.

That’s called lazy and sad