Mom's behavior is off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her checked for a uti. They’re common in this age group, asymptomatic, but can cause personality changes when left untreated.

I was just going to say the same thing. For us it was even more pronounced though.

I had a conversation with my father in the morning. All was normal. Politics, a computer bug, his schedule. He was going to call back in the evening, but he didn't.

I called him at 10pm and he was totally off. Saying he had a meeting with his long-dead brother, asking how my job was at XYZ (where I left 20 years ago). Unable to answer "who is the president right now?" I called emergency services in his town and they sent an ambulance. He got to the hospital and it was a combination of a UTI and some dehydration (dad mowed the lawn in the heat, went inside to sleep and in the warmer weather napped longer than normal).

This was an extremely pronounced thing, like one day, so we were able to jump on it, but I thought I should mention that delirium is a common symptom of a UTI in older people.

Yes, but as you said, it comes on very quickly. When an older person gradually loses it, it's dementia.

[Anonymous]

You said she spends her days knitting...
As a geriatric SLP and knitter, her knitting could be a window to her cognitive abilities and memory. Are you a knitter too? Can you talk to her about her projects. Is she completing projects? Starting new projects that take thought (yarn selection, kneedle size, stitch guage).What does she knit? Does she follow patterns (they can be complicated and involve more math than people realize). Does she go to a local yarn shop? If so, the people there likely know her and I imagine would notice a decline and also be concerned.
Happy to answer knitting questions!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the response on the knitting. She knits caps for newborns and donates them to hospitals which sounds lovely except she uses yarn that is often itchy or very thick (she lives in Southern Cal). She decided to knit matching mom caps too except moms of newborns aren’t wearing winter caps in the heat of summer. So many places have declined her donations which leaves her angry. It’s a tricky situation. I think she goes to Joanne’s or buys it online. Lastly, I do believe she’s terribly lonely but not open to increasing her social network….

[Anonymous]

OP neither of my parents were open to evaluations or had self awareness and I didn't have access to medical information. You can still leave a message for her doctor expressing concerns so she gets screened next visit. Also, I would look into hiring a geriatric social worker to check on her and evaluate need. They can sometimes be very good at getting their foot in the door with challenging elderly. Let them know the situation. They are trained to evaluate how independent living is working out and they can also sometimes convince elders to accept services.

Did your friend ever say to her "call me anytime if you need anything?" We had neighbors do that. Even with mild decline they are more literal so saying "call me anytime" can be seen as an open invite. I had to explain to neighbors they need yo only say exactly what they mean rather than tattle to me because she will simply say "no, no Betty WANTS me to call whenever I want. She said so!!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP neither of my parents were open to evaluations or had self awareness and I didn't have access to medical information. You can still leave a message for her doctor expressing concerns so she gets screened next visit. Also, I would look into hiring a geriatric social worker to check on her and evaluate need. They can sometimes be very good at getting their foot in the door with challenging elderly. Let them know the situation. They are trained to evaluate how independent living is working out and they can also sometimes convince elders to accept services.

Did your friend ever say to her "call me anytime if you need anything?" We had neighbors do that. Even with mild decline they are more literal so saying "call me anytime" can be seen as an open invite. I had to explain to neighbors they need yo only say exactly what they mean rather than tattle to me because she will simply say "no, no Betty WANTS me to call whenever I want. She said so!!!"

Thanks for your reply. Calling to leave a message would likely be the next step. And I'll look into geriatric social workers though my mom would be completely horrified. My friend had no communication with my mom for decades which was why it was beyond shocking... I wanted to scold my mom for her inappropriate message but I knew she wouldn't care because in her mind she was trying to be helpful...sigh.

[Anonymous]

Not knowing what is appropriate and what is not is a hallmark for some dementias.

More importantly OP, I think you need to get some visibility into finances. She may be further along than you realize because she is not active and there are not many signs because you are long distance. My mom was only paying the minimum on her credit card for over a year because she didn't want to keep giving them so much money.

It's time to have the talk even if you don't take her in for the evaluations. At some point, you will have to take away keys. There are third party companies that will give drivers tests for seniors (but they charge $$$). You might still have a few years, but there's no harm preparing for the future.