I want a boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same boat. It is so devastating. I’d leave I a nano second but my kids at 8 and 10 and I don’t want to mess up their lives or miss out on time with them. Relationship is fine, even good, except the intimacy part.

Anyone reading this and not yet in deep (ie kids, mortgage), get out now!! Don’t wait. It does not get better. Even with therapy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has hang ups around sex and cannot make the first move. It is so demoralizing to always be the one to initiate that it’s not even worth it anymore. We’ve done therapy but nothing changes. He can go without.

I feel so lonely and unsatisfied. I want to be with someone romantically and physically. I want that person to want me. I am still decent looking. I want a boyfriend.

Does he say yes when you initiate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH.

Completely asexual marriage.

If I make sexual innuendos my wife scoffs at them. At a point in life where divorce would be problematic.

I am not in the DMV area but I completely understand - I want a GF. I want to feel sexual energy. I want to be playful. I want a little lust.

I’m guessing your innuendos are juvenile and completely unsexy. Have you tried actually seducing her? Like slowly over the course of a day or two? Do you ruin the mood by saying stupid crap? If you have been sexless for a long time you’ll need to have adult conversation about it before you actually have sex. And you’ll have to actually bring confident male energy into the relationship.

There’s like a 1% chance this is a helpful post to PP.

Lots of assumptions and probably projecting.

Np

[Anonymous]

I feel you. I read romance novels so I can have one (or many!) vicariously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH.

Completely asexual marriage.

If I make sexual innuendos my wife scoffs at them. At a point in life where divorce would be problematic.

I am not in the DMV area but I completely understand - I want a GF. I want to feel sexual energy. I want to be playful. I want a little lust.

I’m guessing your innuendos are juvenile and completely unsexy. Have you tried actually seducing her? Like slowly over the course of a day or two? Do you ruin the mood by saying stupid crap? If you have been sexless for a long time you’ll need to have adult conversation about it before you actually have sex. And you’ll have to actually bring confident male energy into the relationship.

DP here the poor guy has, like many men, reached the point where he can do no right. Any advances he makes to her, no matter how smooth or seductive, just give her the ick. Anything he says (even if it's totally unrelated to sex) is regarded as stupid crap. Any confident male energy will be regarded as him being an annoying sex pest.

There's no coming back from this. In short, it's over.

+1. And this is 100% HER fault because it's HER attitude that is shit.

[Anonymous]

RUN!!! it gets worse over time.

[Anonymous]

Affairs should be normalized

[Anonymous]

I left, but not because of sex. I left because of abuse. Sex was horrific because of abuse.
All good now. New man doesn't have problems and if he did, out the door he'd go.
I went out this weekend and danced the night away. I lost count how many dance partners I had. None were my type, but this was one off night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH.

Completely asexual marriage.

If I make sexual innuendos my wife scoffs at them. At a point in life where divorce would be problematic.

I am not in the DMV area but I completely understand - I want a GF. I want to feel sexual energy. I want to be playful. I want a little lust.

I’m guessing your innuendos are juvenile and completely unsexy. Have you tried actually seducing her? Like slowly over the course of a day or two? Do you ruin the mood by saying stupid crap? If you have been sexless for a long time you’ll need to have adult conversation about it before you actually have sex. And you’ll have to actually bring confident male energy into the relationship.

DP here the poor guy has, like many men, reached the point where he can do no right. Any advances he makes to her, no matter how smooth or seductive, just give her the ick. Anything he says (even if it's totally unrelated to sex) is regarded as stupid crap. Any confident male energy will be regarded as him being an annoying sex pest.

There's no coming back from this. In short, it's over.

I agree with your last sentence, but poor him?! He's the idiot who probably had 100 chances, ignored all her attempts to explain the problem, did nothing to change it, and now complains, like the idiot upthread, that the real problem is "her attitude", not his BS actions over a long period of time where he could've been trying harder to do better.

And you're right: no amount of "confident male energy" for a single miserable day is gonna come off as anything other than "playing nice to get laid". Trust is rebuilt by consistent behavior over time. If he'd wanted to invest that energy, or been able to be consistently decent, he probably would've by now.

[Anonymous]

Op, have you tried doing more chores around the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH.

Completely asexual marriage.

If I make sexual innuendos my wife scoffs at them. At a point in life where divorce would be problematic.

I am not in the DMV area but I completely understand - I want a GF. I want to feel sexual energy. I want to be playful. I want a little lust.

I’m guessing your innuendos are juvenile and completely unsexy. Have you tried actually seducing her? Like slowly over the course of a day or two? Do you ruin the mood by saying stupid crap? If you have been sexless for a long time you’ll need to have adult conversation about it before you actually have sex. And you’ll have to actually bring confident male energy into the relationship.

DP here the poor guy has, like many men, reached the point where he can do no right. Any advances he makes to her, no matter how smooth or seductive, just give her the ick. Anything he says (even if it's totally unrelated to sex) is regarded as stupid crap. Any confident male energy will be regarded as him being an annoying sex pest.

There's no coming back from this. In short, it's over.

I suggest that all the men who are in this situation (‘reached the point where he can do no right’) should spend a few weeks paying very close attention to the domestic labor of the household and who is doing most of it.

Then make a plan to pick up 50% of that domestic labor inclusive of childcare.

Then after six months of consistently picking up his share of the load, check back with us on the state of sexual intimacy in the marriage.

Most women aren’t interested in having sex with little boys who whine and complain about lack of sex while they play video games or golf or whatever and expect their wife to be their mommy. This is what kills the sexual intimacy in 95% of marriages. Most men will rage and deny, but it’s the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH.

Completely asexual marriage.

If I make sexual innuendos my wife scoffs at them. At a point in life where divorce would be problematic.

I am not in the DMV area but I completely understand - I want a GF. I want to feel sexual energy. I want to be playful. I want a little lust.

Sigh, I could have written this about DH.

-A DW

I’m guessing your innuendos are juvenile and completely unsexy. Have you tried actually seducing him? Like slowly over the course of a day or two? Do you ruin the mood by saying stupid crap? If you have been sexless for a long time you’ll need to have adult conversation about it before you actually have sex. And you’ll have to actually bring confident female energy into the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH.

Completely asexual marriage.

If I make sexual innuendos my wife scoffs at them. At a point in life where divorce would be problematic.

I am not in the DMV area but I completely understand - I want a GF. I want to feel sexual energy. I want to be playful. I want a little lust.

I’m guessing your innuendos are juvenile and completely unsexy. Have you tried actually seducing her? Like slowly over the course of a day or two? Do you ruin the mood by saying stupid crap? If you have been sexless for a long time you’ll need to have adult conversation about it before you actually have sex. And you’ll have to actually bring confident male energy into the relationship.

DP here the poor guy has, like many men, reached the point where he can do no right. Any advances he makes to her, no matter how smooth or seductive, just give her the ick. Anything he says (even if it's totally unrelated to sex) is regarded as stupid crap. Any confident male energy will be regarded as him being an annoying sex pest.

There's no coming back from this. In short, it's over.

I suggest that all the men who are in this situation (‘reached the point where he can do no right’) should spend a few weeks paying very close attention to the domestic labor of the household and who is doing most of it.

Then make a plan to pick up 50% of that domestic labor inclusive of childcare.

Then after six months of consistently picking up his share of the load, check back with us on the state of sexual intimacy in the marriage.

Most women aren’t interested in having sex with little boys who whine and complain about lack of sex while they play video games or golf or whatever and expect their wife to be their mommy. This is what kills the sexual intimacy in 95% of marriages. Most men will rage and deny, but it’s the truth.

Ah yes, the indefinite choreplay prescription. It’s a meme at this point.

[Anonymous]

This is what kills the sexual intimacy in 95% of marriages. Most men will rage and deny, but it’s the truth.

No way is the choreplay 95% of it. I'm sure it's a lot of it but women get bored. More than men. Women get bored of men who do chores, even.

Lots of women think they're asexual in their final years of marriage and then get divorced and love sex again.

[Anonymous]

Then get one...oh wait you probably can't.