beating myself up, losing sleep, worried for my son

[Anonymous]

I'm a speech & language clinician in the public schools & just had to reply. Do not blame yourself! Most causes of speech, language & learning delays are unknown, but all believed to have a genetic component, not environmental. Your daughter is young so if any learning disabilities are diagnosed she'll get intervention much earlier than other children do. I've worked with preschool through high school & see so many of these children succeed beautifully. Good luck & focus on enjoying your son & daughter instead of worrying about something you did or didn't do.

[Anonymous]

OH my gosh. Please don't beat yourself up. I used to do that all the time and it's easier said than done I know. But use that energy instead to doing something for her - intervention, therapy, lots of support and therapy at home given by you or DH. Our son had lots of issues and now he's a whole different child. Your daughter is young enough to overcome her learning issues! The brain is so malleable and moldable at that age. But you have to move fast and do lots of therapy.

[Anonymous]

I think about the fact that I used baby bottles with BPA or put my dd in a preschool that was too conjested and noisy. Truth be told, the fact that my ex exposed me to chicken pox while I was pregnant could be a factor (and he feels no guilt). But what's done is done. You have a beautiful child who has a steeper hill to climb than most. Do what you can now. You are your child's best advocate. You are at the diagnosis stage from the sound of it. Make sure you get the right kind of expert to evaluate (for example, an audiologist for hearing processing not just if your child can hear sounds. It can be the cause of speech delays and learning problems in a lecture environment).

My youngest tells you when he wants attention. My youngest has a parent-child activity once a week that either me or my ex attends without my ADHD child. That's his special time. He also gets 20 minutes at bedtime each night without his sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a speech & language clinician in the public schools & just had to reply. Do not blame yourself! Most causes of speech, language & learning delays are unknown, but all believed to have a genetic component, not environmental. Your daughter is young so if any learning disabilities are diagnosed she'll get intervention much earlier than other children do. I've worked with preschool through high school & see so many of these children succeed beautifully. Good luck & focus on enjoying your son & daughter instead of worrying about something you did or didn't do.

I disagree. I believe I am at fault for DC's speech problems and LD. We have allergies and autoimmune diseases in our family, and I had hay fever as a child. Yet when our ped asked if either my husband or I had allergies, I replied (truthfully), no, we don't. So ped didn't send us to an allergist, and DC kept having ear infections, and we kept pouring antibiotics into DC, month after month, during DC's first year of life. Finally, after ear tubes and lots of other problems, we figured it out on our own, and took DC to an allergist. But by that time, it was too late. We'd been feeding DC all the wrong things, and killing good bacteria in DC's gut with course after course of antibiotics to treat repeated ear infections (even after the ear tubes!). Yes, DC's problems are partly genetic because of our family history, but if I had not been so stupid, I would have caught on earlier, and cleaned up DC's diet and environment. As it was I kept feeding DC food DC was allergic to, that caused ear infections, treated by antibiotics that messed up DC's gut, causing a cascade of neurological problems, including speech delay and LD.

I could not feel more stupid or guilty. Not only that, a boy I knew when I was growing up had the exact situation (repeated ear infections due to allergies). His mother cured him by taking him to an allergist, who pulled all the food he was allergic to out of his diet. I was too lazy to do that, if I'm quite honest with myself, and my son (and our entire family) has paid the price.

Of course beating yourself up for something that's done is a waste of time. But learning from your mistakes and not repeating them is essential. Younger DC has the same allergies, but we caught them right away, and younger DC is fine.

[Anonymous]

I do the same thing, OP. I agree with PPs that it isn't productive but can't seem to stop on my own either. Can anyone recommend a good counselor in the DC area for working through this stuff? In my experience if someone has not had experience with a SN child or relative, they just don't get the stresses. I think it's partly a grief process, but if it's not addressed it just adds to the stress level and isn't helpful to anyone.