What is reportable to CPS

[Anonymous]

No. I have a student with an alcoholic mom who regularly throws stuff at walls, screams at dad, passes out on the floor. I’ve spoken to our school social worker many times about it. Since things aren’t being thrown AT the child, there is food in the fridge, and student has access to a bed and shower, CPS isn’t concerned—they have bigger fish to fry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the following reportable to CPS if done to a domestic partner in presence of child

- pushing / forcefully taking objects out of a spouse’s hands

- calling spouse names

Neither. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a student with an alcoholic mom who regularly throws stuff at walls, screams at dad, passes out on the floor. I’ve spoken to our school social worker many times about it. Since things aren’t being thrown AT the child, there is food in the fridge, and student has access to a bed and shower, CPS isn’t concerned—they have bigger fish to fry.

This is so very sad but has also been my experience with CPS.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

My concern is if therapist reports as a mandate d reporter.

Then CPS calls and agree with all of you, does not do anything in this case as they have much more severe cases

But they still call.

And that would significantly escalate my situation with my spouse without actually helping address it in any way.

I am still stuck for now just with an even angrier human being who has the perfect pretext to explode because maintaining an immaculate image is what they do in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP

My spouse has been more violent behind closed doors but not in the presence of our children.

Last year however they have started also pushing me and calling me names in front of them.

Things are escalating.

OP this happened to me and things did escalate. I left with no warning, with my kids. Talk to a lawyer about how to do this legally if that is the path you take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My concern is if therapist reports as a mandate d reporter.

Then CPS calls and agree with all of you, does not do anything in this case as they have much more severe cases

But they still call.

And that would significantly escalate my situation with my spouse without actually helping address it in any way.

I am still stuck for now just with an even angrier human being who has the perfect pretext to explode because maintaining an immaculate image is what they do in public.

OP this is par for the course. You are correct that attracting negative attention without leaving will escalate the danger. Once you decide to break the glass you have to be ready to leave at the same time.

This takes preparation. You need a pile of money or people who will loan you some; a place to stay (preferably of your own but can be with friend or family) that is furnished, a job or a plan to get one soon, and a school / childcare plan for the kids.

Document everything you can against the kids and yourself if there is objective evidence like bruises you can photograph, or witnesses who can testify. Verbal abuse is he said/she said and no one will care. Once you are divorcing the law only cares about child abuse not spousal abuse, unless there if physical evidence.

[Anonymous]

Yes OP you need a lawyer. It's not a good idea to use a mandated reporter to "document" later for court if you fear the risk they are overzealous will call CPS. Documentation can be keeping your own diary or calling a friend as a witness. Or maybe the lawyer will tell you not to bother because that behavior won't effect custody. You need a good plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My concern is if therapist reports as a mandate d reporter.

Then CPS calls and agree with all of you, does not do anything in this case as they have much more severe cases

But they still call.

And that would significantly escalate my situation with my spouse without actually helping address it in any way.

I am still stuck for now just with an even angrier human being who has the perfect pretext to explode because maintaining an immaculate image is what they do in public.

OP this is par for the course. You are correct that attracting negative attention without leaving will escalate the danger. Once you decide to break the glass you have to be ready to leave at the same time.

This takes preparation. You need a pile of money or people who will loan you some; a place to stay (preferably of your own but can be with friend or family) that is furnished, a job or a plan to get one soon, and a school / childcare plan for the kids.

Document everything you can against the kids and yourself if there is objective evidence like bruises you can photograph, or witnesses who can testify. Verbal abuse is he said/she said and no one will care. Once you are divorcing the law only cares about child abuse not spousal abuse, unless there if physical evidence.

Obviously there is nothing going on here if the worst examples are: grabbing an object and name calling.

[Anonymous]

Just because it gets reported to CPS doesn’t mean it will get investigated. We had a mandated reporter call in a report because our child was behaving in a way consistent with severe abuse.

CPS declined to investigate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what constitutes abuse under the law? Is there a place where I can read more. I was not able to find much detail. Just that if a child witnesses abuse it can be reportable.

Will look into what my state requires, not DC. I would not discuss with my therapist but at the same time it could be helpful to have this documented for custody proceedings. It’s a catch-22.

That will NOT impact custody proceedings. Even my ex leaving preschoolers alone in DC did not change 50/50 and CPS was involved bc a neighbor of ex called.

OP, you need to read up on how zealous family courts are to find "parental alienation." Be very careful you don't end up with minimal visitation yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My concern is if therapist reports as a mandate d reporter.

Then CPS calls and agree with all of you, does not do anything in this case as they have much more severe cases

But they still call.

And that would significantly escalate my situation with my spouse without actually helping address it in any way.

I am still stuck for now just with an even angrier human being who has the perfect pretext to explode because maintaining an immaculate image is what they do in public.

OP this is par for the course. You are correct that attracting negative attention without leaving will escalate the danger. Once you decide to break the glass you have to be ready to leave at the same time.

This takes preparation. You need a pile of money or people who will loan you some; a place to stay (preferably of your own but can be with friend or family) that is furnished, a job or a plan to get one soon, and a school / childcare plan for the kids.

Document everything you can against the kids and yourself if there is objective evidence like bruises you can photograph, or witnesses who can testify. Verbal abuse is he said/she said and no one will care. Once you are divorcing the law only cares about child abuse not spousal abuse, unless there if physical evidence.

Obviously there is nothing going on here if the worst examples are: grabbing an object and name calling.

OP Theres pushing too in front of our kids. Behind closed doors there is more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what constitutes abuse under the law? Is there a place where I can read more. I was not able to find much detail. Just that if a child witnesses abuse it can be reportable.

Will look into what my state requires, not DC. I would not discuss with my therapist but at the same time it could be helpful to have this documented for custody proceedings. It’s a catch-22.

That will NOT impact custody proceedings. Even my ex leaving preschoolers alone in DC did not change 50/50 and CPS was involved bc a neighbor of ex called.

OP, you need to read up on how zealous family courts are to find "parental alienation." Be very careful you don't end up with minimal visitation yourself.

OP why would I end up with minimal visitation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP you need a lawyer. It's not a good idea to use a mandated reporter to "document" later for court if you fear the risk they are overzealous will call CPS. Documentation can be keeping your own diary or calling a friend as a witness. Or maybe the lawyer will tell you not to bother because that behavior won't effect custody. You need a good plan.

OP. Would the lawyer be mandated to report?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My concern is if therapist reports as a mandate d reporter.

Then CPS calls and agree with all of you, does not do anything in this case as they have much more severe cases

But they still call.

And that would significantly escalate my situation with my spouse without actually helping address it in any way.

I am still stuck for now just with an even angrier human being who has the perfect pretext to explode because maintaining an immaculate image is what they do in public.

OP this is par for the course. You are correct that attracting negative attention without leaving will escalate the danger. Once you decide to break the glass you have to be ready to leave at the same time.

This takes preparation. You need a pile of money or people who will loan you some; a place to stay (preferably of your own but can be with friend or family) that is furnished, a job or a plan to get one soon, and a school / childcare plan for the kids.

Document everything you can against the kids and yourself if there is objective evidence like bruises you can photograph, or witnesses who can testify. Verbal abuse is he said/she said and no one will care. Once you are divorcing the law only cares about child abuse not spousal abuse, unless there if physical evidence.

Obviously there is nothing going on here if the worst examples are: grabbing an object and name calling.

OP Theres pushing too in front of our kids. Behind closed doors there is more.

OP, 1) clear your browser history; 2) contact a local DV group and get a list of attorneys they recommend, see one and make a short, medium and long term legal and safety plan. If they have a support group that you can safely attend, do so. The above is likely to be of far greater value than a garden variety "therapist;" 3) if you do not work begin taking steps immediately to become self supporting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what constitutes abuse under the law? Is there a place where I can read more. I was not able to find much detail. Just that if a child witnesses abuse it can be reportable.

Will look into what my state requires, not DC. I would not discuss with my therapist but at the same time it could be helpful to have this documented for custody proceedings. It’s a catch-22.

That will NOT impact custody proceedings. Even my ex leaving preschoolers alone in DC did not change 50/50 and CPS was involved bc a neighbor of ex called.

OP, you need to read up on how zealous family courts are to find "parental alienation." Be very careful you don't end up with minimal visitation yourself.

OP why would I end up with minimal visitation?

Read up on "parental alienation" as I suggested, OP. Abusers are likely to use that tactic in family court, so don't set it up for them. Don't rely on family court to protect the kids or to award you primary custody in the circumstances you have outlined. You need to be strategic. And custody may be 50/50 at best.